Give Us A Movie About Cybrids

To make up for the lack of human eggs needed to create stem cell farms, scientists have invented the "cybrid," an animal egg pumped full of human nuclear DNA. The idea is that stem cell cultures farmed out of these cybrids can be used in humans because they will be mostly human — except for those pesky mitochondrial DNA that live outside the nucleus in cells. According to researchers, human-animal cybrids will never be more than embryos whose stem cells are harvested for growing tissue or regrowing damaged brain cells in people suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Anti-biotech activists are protesting the ethics of all this, but I think we need to keep going down the cybrid path so next summer I can watch a kickass B-movie about the coming cybrid menace. Can't you see it?

Somebody will rip off the CGI crap from Alien vs. Predator and create a menacing, drooling cybrid that's a human-rhino combination, or maybe a human-alligator? How about a human-bull combo, all horns and stompy menace? There will be long pseudo-scientific speeches, a funny "cybridizing" machine made out of an old HP printer, and of course the resulting cybrids will have the memories of the people whose DNA lives inside them. There will be a final scene where our intrepid "good" biologist (played by somebody like Sandra Bullock or Jeffrey Combs) has to fight the menacing cybrid by appealing to its humanity, and the pointy, muscled, tooth-faced creature will remember the mother or wife of the person whose DNA runs in its veins — a close-up will reveal that its oh-so-human eyes have filled with tears. In that weak moment, it will be shot in the head by the one military guy in the lab who hasn't succumbed to its fangs or poison or something. Right before the credits roll, we'll catch a glimpse of the eggs it laid in a lake or air vent or basement.

Come up with more bad movie ideas about cybrids by reading about them in Technology Review.