Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's costume in the new Star Trek film looks as exciting as a bellhop outfit, judging from the fuzzy images that have been turning up online. (Like the above photo, from JFX Online.) But let's face it, James T. Kirk was hardly ever on the cutting edge of style. Forty years of fashion crimes in space, after the jump.

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame

Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion Shame


  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameThe Original: Kirk's outfit changed here and there during the original series, but he stuck to the theme of black pants, black boots, and bright yellow shirt. Sometimes they embellished his captain's rank insignia on his wrists with more gold sparkle, but this is what swept countless hapless alien maidens onto his plastic bunk.





  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameThe Fancy Dress: When Kirk had to attend high-level functions like bar mitzvahs on Vulcan, he wore his dress uniform which had even more gold sparkles and a lime-green shirt. Nothing says hoity-toity fancy dress like sparkles and sequins.





  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameStar Trek: The Motion Picture: Kirk got a funky mod outfit upgrade in this 1979 film. He's ready to hit a few disco floors and trip the light fantastic. Why they got rid of this uniform is beyond us, to say nothing of the mega-pointy sideburns.



  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameSpacesuit Edition: Kirk had to venture outside the Enterprise to check things out in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which meant he got to wear his white Captain's spacesuit, complete with accessories. Can you imagine the cleaning bill for this thing? It probably attracted smudges like tribbles.



  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameStar Trek II: This movie gave Kirk a much-updated uniform, complete with an epaulet-flap that he could unbutton for dramatic effect. It didn't take long for him to get blood on it and ham it up in an effort to win a Purple Heart.





  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameKirk's Parka: In Star Trek II, Kirk also had to venture onto an ice-cold space station that had lost most of its power. This meant he had to bundle up to keep warm, giving birth to more Kirk-fashion in the form of a parka. Swanky.





  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameThe Casual Edition: When Kirk and crew visited our era in Star Trek IV, Kirk got a chance to wear his normal going-out clothes. We're not sure what's up with that funky shirt that looks like a tuxedo-spiral. Can you imagine your date showing up in this?



  • Captain Kirk's 40-Year Parade Of Fashion ShameThe Death Outfit: Kirk bought the farm in Star Trek: Generations, and luckily he had an outfit all prepared for it. This one looks as though his Star Trek II outfit mind-melded with his parka, and that union gave birth to this bastard child costume. Plus it has a jowl-disguising turtleneck as a bonus.