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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will be hitting theater screens on May 22nd, marking nineteen years since we've seen the whip-swinging archeaologist going after mysterious antiquities and occasionally teaching school. However, George Lucas thinks that both critics and fans alike will hate the movie. Find out why he told Vanity Fair (that glossy scifi rag) you'll be scowling at Indy this summer.
- "I know the critics are going to hate it," he says. "They already hate it. So there's nothing we can do about that. They hate the idea that we're making another one. They've already made up their minds."
Have we? Granted, we think Harrison might be too old. Sure, we're not certain how this will do without familiars like Marcus Brody and Sallah. Yes, we love to playa-hate on things. But deep down we all hope this rocks and takes us back to that special place we were at when we saw Raiders for the first time. We don't want to hate this movie, we want to love it.
- "The fans are all upset. They're always going to be upset. 'Why did he do it like this? And why didn't he do it like this?' They write their own movie, and then, if you don't do their movie, they get upset about it. So you just have to stand by for the bricks and the custard pies, because they're going to come flying your way."
People at last year's Comic-Con were peeing in their pants when Karen Allen got introduced as Marion. Literally. The smell was overwhelming. Call me nuts, but I think the fans are excited about this thing.
- Lucas didn't mention this one, but a potential reason we're already starting to dislike this film is the inclusion of Shia Lebeouf as "Mutt," and probably the offspring of Indy and Marion (Karen Allen), although no one is officially confirming that. He irritated the crap out of us in Transformers, and we have a really itchy feeling that he'll do the same here. However, we're willing to backpocket that and chalk it up to rampant speculation. For now. Mostly because of this picture of him (bleh) sitting in the massive warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark (rad).
- 'And then (spoiler warning) Lucas gets a little more (spoiler alert) specific: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will apparently nudge our hero away from his usual milieu of spooky archaeology and into the realm of (spoiler Code Red) science fiction.'
Sorry Georgie, but this sounds like a reason we'll love Indy IV. We're tired of him going after religious artifacts with supernatural powers. Give us Indy and something all science-y and steampunk-y and we'll love it. But the Area 51 aliens? Ouch.
- Not that he mentions it, but another reason to like Indy IV is Cate Blanchett in this Russian dominatrix outfit. Me-yow.
- The Vanity Fair author drops this quote from himself near the end of the piece: "No one outside of the filmmakers will know for sure until May 22, but it would be pretty cool if it turns out that Emperor Palpatine had dropped a crystal skull on Earth. Or maybe one was left behind by the skinny dudes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Or maybe it's, like, E.T.'s cell phone. :)"
If it turns out that anything from the Star Wars universe had anything to do with the Indiana Jones world, then fans are going to march to George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch, burn it to the ground, and then piss into the ashes before trekking down the Spielberg's slightly harder to find domicile and chugging gallons of water on the way in hopes of repeating the process.
This goes triple as Harrison Ford hops into a classic 1950s car and drives to an American Graffiti-esque diner in this movie.
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Keys to the Kingdom [Vanity Fair]
Comments
Now wait a minute. Shia Lebeouf kicked serious ass in Transformers.
Great actor.
george lucas thought i would love episode I-III of star wars. george lucas thought i would love rehashing all of his old material with crappier voiceovers and more special effects. so if george lucas thinks i'll hate indian jones IV i'm willing to give it a shot especially if it entails indian trying to retrieve the steamball from the cylons as one of the bullets above appears to indicate.
George Lucas is a douche.
@tetracycloide: Have you ever heard that Patton Oswald bit about how if he met George Lucas in 1995, he'd have to kill him? Hilarious.
the flickr pictures = private = inaccessible.
Blame those critics, George! Of course you're right - you're George Lucas, dammit! Why even consider what we might say? Just Jar-Jar right on with your bad self!
Yes, but this is GEORGE. He thought it was a great idea to have Han shoot second and to tell the fans they should shut up about him futzing with the original SW films they already loved. He doesn't know what the fans really like OR hate. The silly boots.
I mean... this is the guy who actually thought *ANAKIN* was the main character of the Star Wars series! Hilarious! It is so obviously the legacy of Obi-Wan to Luke that is center stage with the Vader aspect being the necessary catalyst. But it isn't about Anakin. The silly, silly boots.
Crossovers? DO NOT WANT.
The best name for George Lucas came from Salon.com:
The Galactic Gasbag
I am not 100% convinced those skeletons are aliens. The could be people who used flat boards to elongate their skulls as the developed.
I revered George until he shat on our faces the abominations of episodes 1, 2 and 3. I loved Star Wars until that first episode, and if I had the opportunity I would wipe all knowledge of it from my memory. I like to pretend those pieces of shit never existed.
The Star Wars fan base SHOULD have sacked Skywalker Ranch as soon as Episode 1 hit theaters. At the very least is would have prevented that crazy old bastard from making another two abortions. The man has absolutely no idea what critics want, and DEFINITELY no idea what the fans what. As such, the guy's opinion on this movie and all other movies is completely nullified.
My favorite Indiana Jones story: I work at a museum of ancient stuff, and one of the archaeologists I work with has the Indiana Jones theme as her cell phone ring. In my mind she also yells, "This belongs IN A MUSEUM!" while on digs.
@Atheist Jew: I must say... I agree there. That new Indiana Jones scares me considering all the crap Georgie did in the past few years... How can anyone still call him a genius? I mean, look at Star Wars episode III. The volcano fight was supposed to be a great epic thing? It looks like two guys pasted over Ocarina of Time's Fire Temple.
I'm sure he'll wreck my favorite movie series.... Sigh.
Yeah, I have to say, Shia LeHoweveryouspellit was pretty much the only thing that was even remotely good about Transformers. I think he has potential.
Did the article mention Spielberg at all? Because that's why I'm going, not for old Beardy-Mcdreamkiller.
Oh, and who knew Karen Allen still looks amazing?
@blueskiesgoldensunshine: I study linguistic anthropology, but in order to graduate with a general anthropology degree I had to take archaeology. The first day my teacher decided to win our hearts and minds by projecting a giant image he had made of Indy and Lara Croft with "ARCHAEOLOGY IS COOL!!!" printed across it. Then he told us that they were bad, bad grave robbers, but that he admired their passion.
@Atheist Jew: The worst part of walking out of Episode One was knowing damn well that George had lost his mind and Eps Two and Three would also be heinous.
@IrisMR: "I have the high ground! I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!"
@Dolly-At-School: You study Linguistic Anthropology? That is so cool! I have a BA in English with cognates (they're like minors) in Anthropology, Religion, and Journalism. I took every language-culture hybrid I could when I was in school.
@inkymonkey: the worst part wasn't knowing that, the worst part was knowing that and paying to see them anyway.
This is Lucas's passive aggressive way of blaming all of us for hating Star Wars: Episode 1... His uninspired remakes of cherished classics are perfect, and if we don't like them, the flaw lies with us, not the movie.
@tetracycloide: Yeah, it was kind of like lining up to get a root canal, only with no discernible health benefits and other people trying to convince me that this time it might be awesome.
I wish this fellow would get back to working on his art and his craft. I know he has to have something different to offer people? He was, at one time, an interesting storyteller, and a brilliant editor, but since falling into this mire thirty years ago, he has second guessed his instincts and gone for the lowest of the low.
@blueskiesgoldensunshine: That is the best mental image of the day.
Agreed with all of the Lucas "wanting us to like the prequels" ideas.
I think we'll also hate the new Indy because Sallah was replaced by their new African step-and-fechit Jeff Jeff Blanks.
I guess the fans would hate it if he replaces all guns with walkie-talkies..
George Lucas is a shitty screenwriter and an even shittier director. Since he's not doing either on Indy 4, it could actually be pretty good.
Other strong points: Janusz Kamiński, who is a brilliant fucking cinematographer, is shooting the film. And they're supposedly doing traditional effects instead of relying on CGI.
But we're all going to see it opening day, right?
Blanchett's in it? I'm already waiting in line.
I agree with Extracrispy. I think a big reason EP V and VI are so strong is because of the help Lucas had with writing and directing.
I'm not giving up on Indy IV yet for a couple of reasons - mainly that Spielberg is on board and I think he's still making great movies, and also I like that it takes place in real time after the last movie.
palpatine? f- that. maybe the beef can get infected by a mysterious black oil virus, then ford discovers that the skulls are just a small part of a conspiracy headquartered in a vast government warehouse...
one can only hope. i'm trying to lower my expectations to reduce the chance of disappointment when this hits the screen.
Harrison Ford said he hated Blade Runner because he was playing a detective who only "detected" for 10 minutes of screen time.
It would be really nice to see at least a scene of Indy actually doing some archaeology for a change....
Ok, so I hated Indy as child and then grew up to be an archaeologist. I still hate Indy. You can always tell the grad student washouts in advance as they always wear a fedora to their first field school. They usually only last a couple of years. The ones that bring bull-whips rarely last the summer.
Fucking hell, not Shia Lebeouf! That little pig faced twat ruined transformers ... and I can only imagine just how annoying he's going to be in this. Ugh.
And if it turns out to be really great and loved by critics far and wide, he'll smugly tell us he knew from the beginning we'd all love it. Whatever. I'm counting on Karen and Cate to give us a couple of great female characters, in any case.
@Antiheroine: I am *so* glad Marion is coming back. That's been the one thing the Mummy movies have over the Indiana Jones movies -- consistent male AND female leads. Not that the ol' disposable woman approach isn't just tons of fun...
(please note: I adore the Mummy movies, but it isn't the same kind of love as Indiana Jones love...)
@jennaw: I couldn't agree more. When Marion was intro-ed at Comic-Con I got a lump in my throat and choked up. It was like being a kid all over again. Where the hell has she been?
@dead_red_eyes: i think you have shia lebeouf mixed up with michael bay.
Stop raggin' on George. He's the nerd's nerd and we're all the better for it. Imagine if he didn't end up in film where we'd be now? Yikes, for the most part as it gave rise to so much after that w/o it we'd be watching more Saturday Night Fever sequels and Stallone would still be making Rocky and Rambo movies. Whups.
@dead_red_eyes: Did Transformers still feature robots that turn into cars beating up robots that turn into planes and stuff? Yes.
Shia The Beef did not ruin Transformers because the movie still delivered what it promised - hot robot-on-robot action.
@SpaceMonkeyX: Just call him 'thank god for beef' as that's my understanding of the literal translation of his name. No, wait, just checked, it's "beef-gift from god"... great stuff...
@shazammy: I know! A good chunk of Raiders's awesomeness was due to her performance, but only Harrison gets the career? I call bullshit. Ya hear that, Hollywood? BULLSHIT!
@Jennaw: Um, hate to break it to you, but they're replacing Weisz as the wife in Mummy 3. Not getting rid of the character, just replacing her with another actress. And Shia didn't ruin Transformers, he's actually done more than a few good roles in other films. Look out for Snow Angels if it gets to a theater near you. And also, I can't hate transformers ever since defamer linked that youtube clip of Shia going "No no nonononononono!" throughout the film. Gotta love writing like that.
@aspiringexpatriate: Yes, they are which is important! Rachel didn't want to do the next movie, and most other franchises would just kill the character off and write in a new girlfriend, but they are NOT doing that. *applauds* Plus they cast Maria Bello who is a major actress and not someone who I think would do the movie just so they could kill her off in the first act.
Ah yes, I like Maria Bello. I like Rachel Weisz. Now I'm conflicted. I have a splotchy pixelated cell phone pic of Rachel, so I think she wins. She's also tiny. Teeny tiny.
I feel like Maria Bello might change the character, cause I've never seen her play a role like Weisz(Weiss?) played the librarian. And I wouldn't call her a 'major' actress. She's garnered high critical acclaim, but isn't major.
@aspiringexpatriate: I meant in the talent sense. You don't cast a Maria Bello to play a throwaway character. She will change the role, inevitably, but they're also all supposed to be older; it's set post-WWII which should be interesting to find out what their expanded backstory now includes.
Interesting indeed.
I don't know anyone who has decided to pre-hate Indy 4, but there is reason to be very cautious. We all know that Lucas outright dismissed Frank Darabont's version, not for creative reasons, but out of spite for a disagreement during the writing of The Phantom Menace. We all know how well Lucas's version of that turned out (GAG!) so given Lucas's own admission that he hates writing and isn't a good writer coupled with his disastrous Star Wars Prequels and his dismissal of Darabont's version, there is plenty of reason to be wary of what we'll see on screens for the next Indiana Jones.
What is most irksome is that Lucas writes off disapproval of his films as if it has nothing to do with his own shoddy writing and execution but instead is all about "fanboys" and their own ideas. He takes no personal responsibility for his own failings as a meglomaniac eccentric who has shut himself off from the real world and the fans who grew up loving the work that came out of Lucasfilm. Now he thinks we all just hate his movies because we have our own movies in our heads. Maybe we do, but that doesn't in any way excuse his own failings.
Tell you what, Lucas... we'll go see Indy IV and if it's good, we'll applaud. If it's not, we won't and we'll bitch and moan afterwards. Until then, quit assuming that we'll hate it just because we have our own ideas and let your work stand on it's own for judgment. Deal?
Why the hell are the studios forcing Shia Lebeouf up our butts? Is he some studio head's gay boy toy?