Welcome to our obnoxious, spoilery wake-up call. We have incredibly detailed (and possibly bogus) spoilers for Batman: The Dark Knight. And there are a lot of new details about Cloverfield, if you don't already have Cloverfield overload. Plus new TV show details and some demented speculation, just to round things off. You may not know what to believe, but at least you'll be totally spoiled.

Someone claims to have a detailed synopsis of Batman: The Dark Knight. Batman and D.A. Harvey Dent are making headway against crime, but weirdos in Batman costumes keep showing up at crime scenes and dying. Batman goes to Hong Kong to capture accountant with a huge pot of Gotham mob money.

Then the Joker turns up, threatening to kill tons of people if Batman doesn't unmask. The Joker kidnaps Dent and his girlfriend Rachel (who also has a thing for Bruce Wayne). Batman ends up saving Dent, even though he'd rather save Rachel, and the Joker sets fire to the police station. Dent goes on a crazy killing spree.

The Joker tries to take over Gotham, blowing up the city's main hospital and threatening the mayor. People flee the city in boats, and the Joker tries to blow them up. Meanwhile, Dent almost kills Commissioner Gordon, whom he blames for Rachel's death. Batman stops Dent, who apparently dies, but not really. And then Batman (why?) decides to take the blame for Dent's murders so the city's D.A. can die with an unsullied reputation. The whole thing sounds a bit iffy, but could have a few grains of truth in there. [BadTaste]

Meanwhile, Cloverfield includes "flashbacks" to Rob's relationship with Beth (the woman he has to go back for when the monster injures her.) This happens because the handheld camera footage is taping over earlier recordings of Rob and Beth together, and occasionally we get a few snippets of leftover Rob/Beth nookie when the camera shuts down and restarts. [IESB]

Cloverfield's monster is a confused "baby" who's been underwater for thousands of years, but there's not much explanation of his origins. The monster scratches his back against a building to remove a layer of "horrifying, dog-sized" crab-like parasites, which move incredibly quickly and wreak havoc throughout the city. [Slashfilm]

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