Did Jessi XX, the female version of Kyle XY, survive her cliff-dive last summer? You can find out tonight. The combo of a new Kyle XY and a new Sarah Connor Chronicles almost lets you pretend this is a real TV season. But the rest of the week has a few treats as well. Listings, with minor spoilers, after the jump.
Tonight: The new Kyle XY episode airs twice, at 8 PM and 9 PM, on ABC Family. Kyle goes home to his adoptive family and decides to tell them the whole truth about his creation. And he starts concocting a plan to defeat the evil Madacorp. Good luck with that.
In tonight's Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox at 9, Sarah has to deal with some gang members to get fake identities for herself and John. Meanwhile, John sneaks out of the house and tracks down Sarah's hapless ex-fiance (Dean Winters). The episode's title, "Gnothi Seauton," is "Nothing Atone Us" rearranged. Make of that what you will.
Also on Monday, the Sci Fi Channel is having a Star Trek: Enterprise marathon, if you're feeling super-masochistic.
Tuesday night, there's a new (to Americans) episode of the time-travel cop show Life On Mars. A drunken Gene shows up at Sam's house and makes a "shocking confession." That's at 9 PM on BBC America.
Also on Tuesday at 9, the History Channel has a new episode of The Universe. Learn the complete history of dark matter and dark energy, up to now. Probably without actual footage of dark matter at the dawn of time, but you never know.
Wednesday really is sort of a dead zone, but Encore is showing the original Mad Max at 8 PM, maybe without the bizarre dubbed American voices.
Thursday, your only consolation is a Smallville rerun. Plan your Netflix cue accordingly.
Friday, there's a new Flash Gordon at 8, so cancel those evening plans. Flash and the newly sympathetic Princess Aura go on a mission to find the antidote to a new plague that's poisoning the water supply to the Cantons. And there will probably be even more incestuous goo-goo eyes between Aura and her brother Terek.
Also on Friday at 10, there's a new Stargate: Atlantis. A quarantine situation causes a lockdown on Atlantis, and Rodney is trapped in the botany lab with Katie Brown. Characters will bond and work out their relationships while they wait for the lockdown to unlock.
Saturday at 9, the Cartoon Network has two new Naruto episodes back to back. Naruto finally beats the crap out of Sasuke, who acknowledges Naruto's greatness. But then Sasuke gets an upgrade that makes him Naruto's superior. Whatever will Naruto do? (Hint: get his own upgrade.)
Then at 10 PM Saturday, the ever-reliable History Channel has a new MonsterQuest, with the real King Kong. Turns out King Kong's real name is Giganto, and I can see why he changed it.
Also on Saturday at 8, an all-new Alien Abductions: True Confessions on WE. A woman believes she is an alien-human hybrid who spawned an alien baby, and her husband believes they met aboard a spaceship.
Sunday, Flixe has back-to-back Starman and The Man Who Fell To Earth.