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American Gladiators returned to the airwaves this season, bringing us one step closer to reality television featuring amped up posthumans beating the ever-loving crap out of normal folks with real weapons. While the Gladiators are using padded Nerf-esque weapons now, we can only hope that later they'll be given bladed weapons and clubs to attract more viewers. Yesterday NBC announced that they've been testing all of the gladiators for steroid usage. Why are they persecuting these innocent pharmaceutical cyborgs, who are only trying to evolve?
The American Gladiators aren't competing in a professional sport, so why do they need to be subjected to weekly pee-in-a-cup sessions? If they want to amp themselves up with human growth hormone and horse steroids, then shouldn't it be their own business? These people are trying to stop the puny humans from winning the dough, so they need to be able to crush them, just like the Hulk.
We say, bring it on and give us an all-steroid using cast that doles out massive doses of punishment in order to keep the cash in their coffers. These are American GLADIATORS, for pete's sake. They have names like "Crush," "Venom," and "Mayhem. They're supposed to be huge and scary. Plus, are they testing any of the regular joe contestants? And what about host Hulk Hogan?
NBC Testing Gladiators For Steroid Use [TV Squad]
Comments
Wait, so Wolf isn't really some kind of human/wolf/wolf hormone hybrid?
Crush is some sort of woman / ass-kicking / sex goddess hybrid.
Every time I watch this show, I can't help but think of Richard Dawson screaming, "IT'S TIME TO START RUNNING!"
Does this remind anyone else of that old SNES game, Smash TV? Good game, that one. The costumes they're wearing are almost exactly like the ones in the game. I'm just waiting for when they send scores of cloned mutant goblins and tank-human hybrids after the gladiators.
why else would you be an american gladiator if not to get pumped up to push around smart people with the big long words and their small difficult words.
HELLLLLGA! I think she could crush me with her thighs.
so far im loving this ressurection of a once forgotten time. I think they have had 2 dislocated knees for the competitors both in the same event during different episodes. The pic above is from that very event.
Steroids, Cocaine, PCP, and HGH should be fucking REQUIREMENTS for this and any other sport you are being PAID to play. Seriously, how else are sober athletes going to compete with Phillip K. Dick, Stephen King, and most of the good Rock and Roll?
i want to see the steroid olympics, i want to see ppl jump to un-natural hights, lift 1000's of pounds, swimm 4 pool lenght underwater, outrun cheetha - that would be real entertainment - plus they are already doing drugs just the kind that standard tests can't catch yet.
The rebirth of this show is the best thing to happen to television since the first American Gladiators.
Hellga and Wolf are my favs (you should check out their personal web pages)...but can we please talk about how not-real Titan is? I mean, seriously. He's not a person, right? No one really looks and talks like that...
@extensionofbob: Just because he is not a person does not make him not-real!
It's a puzzling announcement. AG contests are about as "real" as professional wrestling, so the only reason to watch is to see highly muscled bodies in action. If the "contestants" are willing to sacrifice their health and virility for the sake of beefcake, that should be their choice.
Crush. That is all.
Do you remember the game Eternal Champions for Sega Genesis. It had a kickboxer on it that had to become a cyborg because no one wanted to see regular people fight. I am in the same boat as the imaginary future audience. Enough normal people, lets get to the genetically modified/mechanically enhanced folks. This new AG is a step closer but we're still a long ways away.
I think the one called Mayhem was the one that posed for gay porn. The dude has one hell of an Alabama black snake, so I don't think he's hitting the steroids. Yet.
The blue gladiator's helmet is happy.
You mean people are watching this?
Forget the 'roids, somebody please check the contender's knees before they play Powerball?!?
Two episodes, two contenders knocked out and unable to go on.
While it isn't a professional sport, these beasts are still beating on normal people.
So what happens when "Lazer" snaps and rams a nerf jousting rod up the contenders ass?
Rating Skyrocket!
@Lab_Cat: I loved that game. So much in fact, that I bought the arcade game of the sequel "Total Carnage." My wife thinks I chould get it out of the house, but I think it looks great next to NBA Jam and the dual screen version of Cyberball.
And I love the new American Gladiator. Its great to see a "gameshow" where it isn't all nicey nice, and people get tired, hurt, and beat up. I love it! Of course, I would hate to be the insurance carrier for the show. With the two injuries already, I hope that the courses don't get dumbed down to they are safer.
It's worth watching just for Crush. Toa is kinda cool, too, being the Rock's cousin and yelling at contenders in Samoan and all.
My ex-football coach dad has a problem with the fact that 230-250-lb roided-up-or-not Gladiators are going after 160-180-lb contenders and not pulling their punches, thus the two blown knees in Powerballs, and Militia hurting his arm in the first arm(whatsammatta, weak connective tissue just like Triple H?).
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