An alien infiltrator stabs a random guy in the chest seven times, in front of his wife and kids, then stabs him in the head so hard his blood spatters on the wife's face, in last night's Torchwood. It was easily the most brutal episode of the Doctor Who spin-off so far, notwithstanding last season's trying-too-hard "Countrycide." But our crew still had time for some bizarre sexual innuendo, in between shredding people's civil rights and dodging explosions. Click through for spoilery recap.

Just like last week, we're judging the new Torchwood episodes based on criteria such as raunchiness and drama. Except this week, the drama was actual drama and not just "you left us" poutyness.

The naughtiness: This week, it was confined to just innuendo, most of it really stupid. Like rat-boy suggesting that everybody have sex since the world was about to end. (Although Ianto's disgusted reaction was priceless.) Oh, and when they're just about to torture a terrorism suspect using their possibly deadly mind probe, Jack tells her it'll hurt. She retorts: "Your bedside manner is rubbish." Gwen replies: "You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious. Apparently. So I've heard."

But this is the best bit. Torchwood has taken the woman into custody after she apparently killed two burglars with her alien implants. And it gets Ianto all horny when Jack imprisons her without a lawyer or phone call and threatens her husband's life:

How gay was it? Not very. At one point, Captain Jack invites a random police guy to come back to his house for bed-hockey, but it turns out he's only kidding. Is Jack getting too domestic, now that he's like 10,000 years old? Oh, and Ianto is adorable as always. He gets a great line, when the suspect comes to Torchwood's headquarters and is leaning in rather close to one of their giant gadgets: "We don't sniff the subetheric resonator."

Who gets laid? Nobody. This episode uses graphic violence (and an implied baby carriage being run over by rush-hour traffic) as a substitute for sex. It's just like every other show on TV suddenly.

The drama: The stuff about the alien who believes she's just a normal human is actually quite moving, thanks to a real actor being on the show for once. To be fair, Gwen also has some lovely scenes opposite the unknowing alien infiltrator. And the scene where the woman goes to say goodbye to her husband — and then accidentally kills him with her alien arm-blade — is actually heart-breaking. And then she dies, and Gwen is upset for literally ten seconds before she's back to flirting with Jack.

Was there a plot? Yes, and it was cheesy as a Welsh flan. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Once we get away from the woman-who-doesn't-know-she's-an-alien stuff, it all goes rapidly downhill. There are a bunch of other infiltrators, and they all get activated and cause mayhem in Cardiff. (Half the city must be in ruins by now.) Somehow they all instantly revert to alien saboteurs, even though the main woman is able to hang on to her humanity for hours and hours. And then there's a convenient cache of nuclear weapons just outside Cardiff. And a whole "real invasion is yet to arrive" moment, which is super silly.

Will the kid-friendly edited version make sense to anybody? Probably not. Without the blood-spattering bits, it'll just be a lot of running around.