Sarah Connor needs to stop strangling John with her apron strings, according to last night's Sarah Connor Chronicles. After all, the world ends in just four years, and weedy Thomas Dekker has to morph into Christian Bale by then. Never mind that Sarah's still the show's real bad-ass, as seen in this clip. Don't call her "Lady!" Anyway, the show's missing the point: FutureJohn isn't supposed to be an action hero, he's supposed to be a leader. And leaders make smart decisions.

Would you believe John if he threatened to beat you to death? Maybe if he said he'd slap you sorta hard. Oh, and then they leave sideburn guy stranded in a minefield. Cold!
So there's a lot of talk in this episode about FutureJohn and what he would do. Sadly, we can only hope that FutureJohn is smarter than the present-day version, who decides that sneaking into a soon-to-be Terminator factory without any sort of plan is a great idea. He gets trapped in a bunker with the world's shittiest boss. And of course he has to call Mommy (on the super-convenient rotary dial phone in the airtight bunker) to come bail him out. It's all because John is mourning for the Suicide Girl in the previous episode.

Meanwhile, what was up with Summer Glau not being able to work the television? She's the most advanced robot in the universe and she can't get Video 2 to pop up? And then there's the weird moment where Sarah's sympathizing with John having to deal with mega-complicated science homework to do with ionic bonding. And John's like, "Bitch, it's not that hard."

Sarah ends the show with a horrendous voice-over comparing our children to evil cyborgs from the future. And golems, just to make it more psycho. Because just like Skynet, we create our children but then we can't control them. (Although to be fair, Sarah hasn't tried using a cattle prod on John yet.)

This was definitely the first hit of Sarah Connor Chronic that felt sub-standard. It wasn't just all of John's dumb decisions, which we're supposed to think were gutsy and cool. Also, there was the whole plastic surgeon plot. You know you're in trouble when the young FBI guy is pointing out all the flaws in the plot, and we're all nodding along at home. So the plastic surgeon transformed that one Terminator (who suddenly has a name, Cromartie?) into the exact duplicate of this other guy. Using magical surgery pixie dust. And the surgery healed up instantly, thanks to hyberbolicsyllabicsesquidalymistic...wha huh?