io9
Superheroes have busted out of their pulpy roots, and now they're boldly leaping into a whole new era of postmodernism. It started with creators like Alan Moore and Grant Morrison, but now the postmodern trend has made the jump to actual literary authors of literature, who use the "modern mythology" of superheroes to explore themes of identity and responsibility. But what you really want to know is, would any of these pomo super-warriors win in a fight with Thor?
The answer, sadly, is no. If the story of modern superhero comics is escapist power inflation (with even powerless Batman becoming more and more unstoppable) then postmodern superhero lit is your bitter antidote. The classic pomo superhero novel is about the hero's inadequacy and feebleness. Levitate yourself downwards, into the abyss, with our roundup of the lamest superheroes of postmodern lit.
Moisture Man. The hero of the title story of Charles Yu's collection Third Class Superhero, Moisture Man's power is to generate moisture. Not a flood or anything, just a little bit of dampness or vapor or whatever. He longs to join the equivalent of the Justice League on his world, but he's next to useless unless you're stuck in a desert somewhere. And then when he finally does get the chance to join the A-list heroes on a mission, he sells them out in exchange for a real superpower.
David Brinkley. (No, really, that's his name.) The hero of Super-Folks, the original pomo superhero novel from 1977, which Grant Morrison accused Alan Moore of stealing all his ideas from. A Superman analog, David Brinkley comes from the planet Cronk, and his only weakness is the substance Cronkite. He loses all his powers because criminals dosed all sorts of common consumer products with a small amount of Cronkite. And then he has a mid-life crisis and loses his hair, and mopes. And mopes. Finally, he does get his powers back thanks to the CIA, just in time to save the day one last time.
Elphin. Soon I Will Be Invincible by io9 contributor Austin Grossman is full of crappy-ass superheroes, including the drug-dependent Rainbow Triumph, who has to keep taking her meds every few hours or she loses her abilities. But Elphin, the fairy princess from the 10th century, is the lamest, with her childlike whispers and her beauty products. She keeps changing her story about where she comes from and what her abilities are, and always comes up with ridiculous excuses for why she can't use her powers in a particular situation, like she can't use her powers on iron due to fairy laws. Whatever, Elf girl!
Power Grrrl. From The Notebooks Of Dr. Brain by Minister Faust is another book that's chock full of lame superheroes facing a collective midlife crisis in psychotherapy — from the crappy Batman knock-off Flying Squirrel to the jive-talking Spider-Man clone Brotherfly. But the one you'd least want to have your back is probably Power Grrrl, a post-feminist Spice Girls-esque heroine whose main power is to turn other people into clones of herself, in a parable of super-narcissism. Just in case you miss her lameness, she talks in bimbo speak, punctuated with lots of "Like, duhs," and all of her statements are questions. And she smacks chewing gum a lot.
Comments
Dr. Brain is mildly amusing. Haven't heard of the others.
This is interesting, though I will probably stick to my back issues of Firestorm.
What, no Bipolar bear from the Tick? Or Deflautermaus for that matter, or Sewer Urchin.
I think tales of the "less than adequate" super hero have become almost as pervasive as the mainstream costumed do-gooder these days. As B pointed out, there's a cornucopia of examples in the Tick, (both the comic and the live action series).
There's Mystery Men as well, and I'm sure those who are better read than I can point out a few others.
When you get down to it, it's easier for a reader to sympathize with someone who's super-power is ineffectual, and if the hero prevails, the story can provide a greater sense of wish fulfillment.
...or maybe it's just cooler
@B: Carpeted Man of the Civic-Minded Five.
Oh now hey, I take exception to being on this list! I'm very loyal to the superhero genre - think the "inadequate superhero" meme is fairly played out - it's an easy out - and I made sure all my heroes (and villains) kicked as much ass as a traditional superhero (or supervillain). Don't make me cite page numbers!
wow, reading comprehension much? Elphin was a fairy, and as such, was vulnerable to cold iron, and crucifixes. She never changed her story, the main character just didn't believe her until the last chapters.
She could also fly, control the weather, tear robots in half with her enchanted weapons, and was the last Champion to go down against Dr. Impossible in the last battle.
Rainbow triumph was a heavily modified cyborg. She wasn't dependent on drugs for her powers, she needed to take medication to keep her implants and auto-immune problems from killing her.
Although well done, picking Elphin out from among the cast on the UK edition cover. Yay, Bryan Hitch!
@Miranda Kali: I too think Mystery Men is a great example of under-performing superheroes.
@Austin Grossman: seriously. I have to say the reading comprehension is pretty low there. Elphin doesn't change her story, Fatale just doesn't believe her. And she can fly and crush robots and punch through armor with enchanted weapons.
And Rainbow Triumph wasn't dependent on drugs for her powers, she needed medication to keep her implants and auto-immune response from killing her.
@ideaman2020: But without the suit, I'm powerless.
@Miranda Kali: And in Mystery Men's same "ineffectual heroes" vein you've got the Sidekicks in Sky High
Recommendation: Empowered. While the Caged Demonwolf's KEEN SENSES perceive that you are indeed sexually aroused by the cover...don't judge the book by it.
Grr, now I can't stop thinking about this. I was so much writing against this meme. I think I make it clear from the opening pages that I'm writing "under the skin" of what feels like a mainstream comic, and I always avoided the easy gags of superheroes who can't fly straight, or have useless joke-powers. The point was to write the coolest superhero action possible, then deepen it using the prose medium. And Elphin can fly, and she punches her spear through an armored car in chap 2. Impales a major character in chap 4! &c &c. Sorry.
What about Sarcastro on The Tick, who relied on the devastating power of sarcasm?
Also, it's "die Fledermaus."
@Austin Grossman: What was up with that ending, anyway? Also, was Impossible supposed to be breaking into one of the science buildings over near the Div School?
Let us not forget the woeful fate of "Person Man" in the lyrical ballad by They Might Be Giants, "Partical Man".
I haven't read "Soon I Will Be Invincible" (yet), but he "drug-dependent Rainbow Triumph, who has to keep taking her meds every few hours or she loses her abilities" sounds a lot like Captain Trips from the "Wild Card" series.
The ineffectual superhero gag is certainly one that needs to be done right. Done wrong, it's childish, like a 6-year-old laughingly describing a superhero whose sole power is related to poop or some such thing.
I like the way they're described in the Wild Cards series of anthologies... as "deuces."
@Austin Grossman: Your description sounds pretty cool, much better than the one in the article. NOW I'm interested.
@Austin Grossman: I don't think Charlie meant that you were falling prey to some pomo trap, but [* * spoilers * * ] Elphin does lie about her past and seems to come up with some lame excuses about why she can't break out of the prison at the end. But I disagree with Charlie that the book is full of "crappy-ass superheroes." I think they're awesome heroes, and I thought there was a very melancholy feeling to the novel as we learn about how vulnerable those powers make them.
The Tick's Squirrel Girl. "I just really like squirrels. They're so cute and cuddly..."
@Austin Grossman: I'm so terribly sorry that this came out the way it did. I really didn't mean to make your superhero characters sound lamer than they are, or to lump your book in with the other postmodern satires I'm describing in this post. I was trying to be humorous about Elphin's powers and it totally fell flat, plus I probably shouldn't have been trying to shoehorn your book into a post about some very different novels. I was a total jerk, and I apologize. I'm really very sorry that I mis-represented your book, which is awesome.
@Annalee Newitz:
I'm confused, when does she lie about her past? And she was in a cage made out of crosses, that seems like a decent way to imprison a fairy.
@Charlie Jane Anders: Dude, it's totally fine! I was just trying to have like a flame war, all internet style! Like the kids do. Now what will I do with my afternoon?
@Austin Grossman: You could bring up Star Trek or Flash Gordon. That seems to get the blood boiling here. Or, try this one:
Who would win in a fight between Flash Gordon and Captain Kirk?
Or does that not have enough spandex for this thread?
@Rasselas: Hey, Sarcastro is absolutely deadly to a person's ego and sense of self.
@Plague:
(slaps head) Duh! I read SIWBI as well. The "Elphin" header threw me off.
That and the 'ludes.
@Austin Grossman:
You could work on another book, Grossman.
@Plague: You sir, are a genius of wit. I applaud you.
@outlawpoet: You're right that Elphin doesn't lie about her past - Fatale just thinks she does. But various other people lie, so it's a reasonable confusion.
@Plague: Thank goodness. The fucking Earnest-O-Meter was getting deep into the red in here. What is taking so long with the more mind-control porn?
@steven522: Not really the same, although kudos for remembering your Wild Cards arcana. Rainbow Triumph is a teenage female cyborg - she just takes the meds to keep her body from rejecting the implants.
Don't forget The Superhero League of Hoboken, an older game by Legend Enerttainment. My particular favorite: Tropical Oil Man, who defeats villains by giving them high Cholesterol.
[en.wikipedia.org]
@Rasselas: It's basically the Science Center, but the Harvard buildings were only loosely based on reality, b/c I truly didn't feel like going back to gaze at the originals. (And what *was* up with that ending? I'm kind of into it.)
@Austin Grossman: It kind of brought me down, man. In the way that swapping a big, air-clearing fight for a rabbit out of a hat can, but de gustibus.
There's also "Flyboy" from Jim Munroe's book "Flyboy Action Figure Comes with Gasmask." I wouldn't say he's a pathetic superhero, just a rather average person who can turn into a fly.
Mr. Grossman, whatever you were trying to do with your book, you didnt succeed. I couldnt decide whether you were trying for Venture Brothers (tell me your protagonist wasnt a thinly disguised Monarch) or just a Watchmen ripoff. Either way, I think you should stop defending your boring and derivative book now full of themes that have been handled better in regularly old monthly comics for literally decades now. Your characters all belong on this list.
@delawarejoel: Unfair on all counts, sir. I liked it quite a bit, my comments above notwithstanding.
@delawarejoel: Shit. Dissed by delawarejoel, the most creatively named commenter to appear on Gawker Media to date. Soooo, what's your name, and where are you from?
@delawarejoel: I had planned on retiring the word douchebag from my vocabulary for 2008. You sir have forced me to change my plans.
@Jim_in_Buffalo:
Hoof. Super poewrs related to poop are funny at any age.
Don't think anyone has mentioned Bendis' Alias, with Jessica Jones, something of a substandard super hero who floats around the edges of the Avengers universe.
Can we get a new abbreviation of post-modern? Pomo looks far too much like Porno in Gawker's font.
Pomo
Porno
Yeah. That led to some interesting double-takes in this article.
The Monarch FTW!
Just when I thought artists were realizing it's 'way past time superheroes stopped wearing their underwear over their pants, these guys come along and make it practically de rigueur again. How can you possibly have a third-rate, barely-talented superhero who doesn't?
I'd like to throw 'Less Than Heroes' by David Yurkovich as great examples of PoMo heroes.
The thing I really like about SIWBI was the fact that the characters were screwed up. You know that every super hero is a mess, and that the only thing that makes them look really heroic is great marketing and a huge support staff.
Back on topic: I remember one x-men villain in the mid-90s who had the ability to transmit himself over the internet. I remember reading that and thinking to myself, "Not only is that lame, but it's a damn good thing his powers didn't manifest in his grandfather. Granpa would have only had the ability to transport himself via morse code."
None of those can match the awesome powers of Earthworm Jim's LowerBacPainMan - "gnhh - I'll be okay in a minute!" - or Turns-His-Eyelids-Inside-OutBoy.
Woah. Looking at my comment now, way too harsh. I think that was on my "bad day at work" night this week. I still didnt like the book but no need to dish out my bad mood. Sorry for that if anybodys still paying attention....I will self edit better than future...apoligize for my dickery to Mr. Grossman and anybody else.
And Moff, my name is Delaware, and I live in Joel.
I haven't read the others, but "Soon I will be Invincible" is an awesome book, one of the best super-hero novels ever written, and totally mis-represented here. As such, I question the validity of the rest of the article.
Mr. Grossman, I anxiously await your next novel.
Charlie Jane Anders - "I'm so terribly sorry that this came out the way it did."
delawarejoel - "Sorry for that... ...apoligize for my dickery"
Is this the most soft and apologetic discussion on the entire internet?
Not that I'm complaining - I like it. Sorry if I've offended anyone by implying that civility is not a good thing.
Start a discussion:
Login with your username and password below. Or comment on this post via email.
Forgot your username or password? New User?