retro futurism, crotch shots, gustav holst, music, panties, the planets

Crotch Shots in the 23rd Century

In 1970, the bigwigs at ABC/Dunhill Records had to figure out a way to repackage yet another performance of composer Gustav Holst's seven-movement orchestral piece, The Planets. Holst named the individual pieces after Mercury, Neptune, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter, Venus, and Uranus, but maybe the astrology angle seemed too obvious. Perhaps they were influenced instead by the futuristic spacey-ness of recent movies like Barbarella (1968) and 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Or maybe they just thought how great it'd be to have a model in a miniskirt and reinforced pantyhose squat towards the camera. And thus we can bring to you one of world's best bad album covers after the jump.

9:40 AM on Thu Feb 21 2008
By Lynn Peril
4,195 views
36 comments

Comments

Frozen-Tex at 09:48 AM on 02/21/08
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Stage extras from a Parliament gig.
Plague at 09:52 AM on 02/21/08
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@Frozen-Tex:
P Funk had a much better sense of design.
Slatz_Grobnik at 09:53 AM on 02/21/08
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To hell with the crotch-shot; what's that neckpiece of his? I think my grandmother had that placemat.
92BuickLeSabre at 09:58 AM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 558

"I swear I've seen you somewhere before."
"No you haven't."
"Did you used to be an actor or something."
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure."
"Cause I'm sooo certain I've seen you..."
"Can we talk about something else?"
Welt am Draht at 10:02 AM on 02/21/08
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"The Planets" = PNAS!
ManchuCandidate at 10:02 AM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 519

The album cover screams: "I have seen the future and it is Danskin."
NefariousNewt at 10:06 AM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 695

Gladiator meets Barbarella meets Flash Gordon.

God I miss the 70's.
Garrison Dean, King... at 10:13 AM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 140

I heard Will Ferrell is doing a movie version of that album cover.
tr1ck at 10:17 AM on 02/21/08
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That poor woman will never get another modeling gig.
gods-n-clods at 10:20 AM on 02/21/08
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Great to see this... "The Planets" is a fantastic piece(s), and is the best introduction to classical music for people who hate the stuff.
National Geographica and Metallica can't be wrong.
Annalee Newitz at 10:24 AM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 344

OMG WTF BBQ
extracrispy at 10:35 AM on 02/21/08
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That poor guy is rather lacking in the crotch department. Not that I was looking. Ok, yes I was.
mitchel_stevens at 10:42 AM on 02/21/08
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"But sir, we only have $25 to spend!"
"We can do it, Johnson."
NuncScio at 10:46 AM on 02/21/08
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My god. My dad had that album. Although I'm hesitant to give her all the credit, that disco space babe more or less ushered me into manhood.
dirtybacon at 10:49 AM on 02/21/08
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worse still, if you look at his left leg (stage right) it looks like he is hanging a brain out the side of the pink leoptard.

I only noticed because I was checking out her rack. no really, I was looking at her!

dammit.
Exiled to Canada at 10:55 AM on 02/21/08
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Is that Pierce Brosnan in the tights there or am I imagining things?
Lynn Peril at 10:58 AM on 02/21/08
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@extracrispy: I actually used the word "codpiece" in an earlier draft until I realized that there was no, uh, cod to piece.
CMG at 10:58 AM on 02/21/08
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@dirtybacon: i had to scroll back up to check that out.

I love how it's sort of Egyptians in space. "Spacewalk Like an Egyptian" anyone?
AlfaCharger at 11:03 AM on 02/21/08
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All the Westminister Gold album covers are "Classic".

[www.westminstergold.com]

By the way, Boult's interpretation of Holst's War Horse is one of the better ones.
ZehnKatzen at 11:04 AM on 02/21/08
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Nice classy crotch panelage on that dude's blue tights. And what is that strange animal sitting on his head?
bonniegrrl at 11:22 AM on 02/21/08
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If that was a movie, I'd be front row center!
DCI Gene Hunt at 11:41 AM on 02/21/08
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Those costumes look like they belong to the most broke-ass bottom rung wrestler in the WWE.

But is it wrong that I kinda dig the chick?
lightninglouie at 11:52 AM on 02/21/08
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Is this American Apparel's new spring line?
EBone at 12:05 PM on 02/21/08
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@DCI Gene Hunt: That chick is now probably in her late 60s.
Daniel Wallace at 12:53 PM on 02/21/08
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That is awesome. Although I would have been hugely disappointed if that cover convinced me to buy it and I didn't know anything about Holst.
DCI Gene Hunt at 01:12 PM on 02/21/08
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@EBone: I'm good with that.
Garrison Dean, King... at 02:37 PM on 02/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 140

@DCI Gene Hunt: There is rarely anything wrong with liking chicks on album covers.
[rateyourmusic.com]
DCI Gene Hunt at 03:06 PM on 02/21/08
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@Garrison Dean: Awesome sight. That's one of those obsessive collections that's either awe inspiring or disturbing.

The scariest thing is it made me think "I never heard of that Dokken album.
DCI Gene Hunt at 03:09 PM on 02/21/08
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@Garrison Dean: Awesome site. That's one of those obsessive collections that's either awe inspiring or disturbing.

The scariest thing is it made me think "I never heard of that Dokken album.
DCI Gene Hunt at 03:10 PM on 02/21/08
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Man, just thinking about Dokken made my computer go haywire... forgive the double-post
dOk at 03:16 PM on 02/21/08
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I rememner that cover... MY father had that exact version in his album collection when i was a kid.
prom77 at 03:17 PM on 02/21/08
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Wow... I didn't know Owen Wilson posed for album covers.
$Image of Zapp Brannigan\'s Girdle$ Zapp Brannigan's Girdle at 10:06 PM on 02/21/08
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@Slatz_Grobnik: what's that neckpiece of his?

Didn't the Green Power Ranger have to wear that thing?
richard8a at 10:59 PM on 02/21/08
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I almost thought that was Owen Wilson, except he doesn't have the jacked-up nose.
Katana_Mind at 06:21 AM on 02/22/08
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@AlfaCharger:
Personally I really like Beethoven now.

[www.westminstergold.com]
AlfaCharger at 08:53 AM on 02/22/08
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@Katana_Mind:

If you now like the Beethoven, you should check out the Wagner Ring Operas on this page!(Love the VW Hub Caps.)

[www.westminstergold.com]