io9
It looks like the U.S. Navy was able to pull off a real-life game of missile command last night, and successfully shot down our ailing superspy satellite while everyone was busy gawping at the lunar eclipse. Hey, that's exactly how the script for the failed reboot of Buck Rogers began... does that mean we just sent a frozen astronaut into deep orbit somewhere? Strangely, the military lackey in this video doesn't address that issue.
It looks like the U.S. Navy was able to pull off a real-life game of missile command last night, and successfully shot down our ailing In the script for the Buck Rogers reboot, it's a Ukrainian strategic defense initiative satellite that's failing, although it's also carving huge swaths across the planet with its mega-laser weapon. Sort of like the Borg did in Enterprise when they chopped up Florida. Buck Rogers, superhero to millions and ace of the space skies is sent off to shoot the thing down, although it's partially sentient and dodges his superbomb. Buck, ever the hero, decides to go after the satellite with the only weapon he has left... himself.
He crashes into it, but is apparently obliterated in the process. But little known to those left behind, he's blasted into deep space as debris. On Earth, he's celebrated as a hero with statues and meals named after him, but the resulting nuclear explosion is seen in space and alien species start visiting the planet. This leads to problems later, the kind that only Buck can solve when he thaws out 100 years later. Although we'll never really know, because the script died in development, but we're patiently waiting his return, perhaps in 2108.
Comments
That wasn't the Borg chopping up Florida (It was the Xindi) but I get what you mean.
am I the only person that thinks this might be a bit tin-hat-ish? I mean, strangely they decided to just blow up (or destroy) a satellite. So, do you think that maybe the government just popped some hapless drone satellite that was probably dead for years so we think that new spy satellite is dead? Makes for a good TV show plot anyway...
Based on the footage of the missile and of the press conference we actually went back in time to 1979 to do this. Which raises numerous questions I'm sure the NAVY will not answer.
1) Why did we go back to 1979?
2) Was it to get Buck Rogers?
3) How did we go back to 1979?
4) How awesome were the parties you went to while you were in 1979?
5) What do you mean old Navy guys don't go to 70's parties?
6) Aren't you familiar with the Village People?
@jdw242b: Or a first strike against invading aliens...
@92BuickLeSabre: The trip back to '79 was to try and prevent the trip back to '41...
@jdw242b: I like to think the government determined the satellite would've eventually landed in russia's or china's or some other world power's backyard somewhere, intact, with a payload of military secrets easily accessible to whomever found it so, naturally, we spun the story into a "it's a dying comm satellite that's a danger to humanity if it survived atmospheric re-entry" story so that we could blow it up. fingers crossed a data chache survives!
@Frozen-Tex: Either way, do you think they could swing by before November?
@Frozen-Tex: You know, I thought I'd get flak for that. I totally spaced on who did it. But yeah, Florida got Ginsu-ed pretty good.
@the intrepid spaceman spiff: As far I know, they never called it a comm satellite, they've been fairly upfront that it was a "spy" satellite. I live in northern Canada, and joked with some friends that they'd better wear helmets if they went out to cross-country ski wednesday night. Just in case (one of those friends actually work for the federal gov't in the fireld of emergency preparedness, and she'd spent the day before in conference calls concerning the shoot-down. They were told [jokingly] to tell any concerned citizens to wear a helmet).
@moff: I'll try and make a few calls, and see what I can do...
The Borg did not cut the line through Florida in ST: Enterprise..it was the Xindi. Sometimes I wonder if AN really watches SciFi, but loves to bitch about it.
@DoctorLou: Dude, before you point out mistakes, you're supposed to check and see if they were corrected in the first comment and make sure "AN" actually wrote the post in question. Otherwise, it damages your credibility.
So the Pentagon Press Pool went something like this:
Eh? A press briefing on the spy satellite they were trying to shoot down? Who wants this?
Anyone?
Bueller?
All right, who had the worst spread on the SuperBowl pool?
oppsss i guess my io9 "cred" is no good anymore...sorry AN.
It wasn't the Xindi or the Borg who trashed Florida, it was the 2005 hurricane season :)
Nobody's yet found a way to shoot down a hurricane. I wish they would.
"it's also carving huge swaths across the planet with its mega-laser weapon. Sort of like the Borg did in Enterprise when they chopped up Florida."
Or like Chairface Chippendale tried to do to the Moon in The Tick.
-Kle.
@jdw242b:
I think you mean tin-foil-hat-ish - i.e. something a conspiracy doofus might believe in... Tin-hat-ish seems to refer to the activities of a penny-ante dictator.
Actually, a subspecies of unusually cool dorks tracks secret satellites optically, as a hobby. The killed sat really does seems to have been the NRO bird that died upon hatching a year or two ago, after choking upon a huge wad of our tax dollars.
The hydrazine story is a bit over the top, though - I surmise that the shoot was a combination of political posturing and an opportunity to test the envelope of the SM-3 and associated systems. It _was_ pretty cool, though.
-Kle.
"after choking upon a huge wad of our tax dollars." Thank you Kle! But I'd gladly put up a couple bucks to see 'em shoot some more stuff down just to hear the Chinese bitch!
TOXIC FUEL! Oh my! And we all know what would have blown up and burned first: the fuel tank. But the ecclipse was just beautiful, the perfect mood-setting light for the Use of Weapons.
@joneez:
Yeah, I'm not that broken up about the money - the gov't. is going to waste it on something or other, anyway, and you're right, it led to the coolness of the shoot.
It's just funny, sometimes - I wonder if anybody got fired when it died upon seperation?
-Kle.
So what do you think the other countries with spy satellites are thinking right about now since we proved that we could shoot one down? Maybe it was a two-fer. Take care of that satellite and target practice for any possible future necessities of getting rid of other spy satellites - not necessarily our own.
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