io9
Wow. I could have chosen any one of the 500 cheesy soap opera moments from last night's episode of the BBC's alien-hunting show Torchwood, and then made fun of it for five paragraphs. But any show that can pull off such a spot-on riff on Peter Jackson's Dead Alive pretty much gets a free pass from me. (It does lose points by having Captain Jack reference the wrong movie right afterwards. WTF?) This scene was almost enough to make me forgive the rest of the episode. Almost.
Wow. I could have chosen any one of the 500 cheesy soap opera moments from last night's episode of the BBC's alien-hunting show Torchwood, and then made fun of it for five paragraphs. But any show that can pull off such a spot-on riff on Peter Jackson's Dead Alive pretty much gets a free pass from me. (It does lose points by having Captain Jack reference the wrong movie right afterwards. WTF?) This scene was almost enough to make me forgive the rest of the episode. Almost.Actually, I guess it's not a perfect Dead Alive homage, because Rhys is using a chainsaw (hence the Evil Dead mention) instead of a lawn mower. But still. Here's an alien shapeshifter, who's taken the form of Rhys' mom and then turned all monstrous, and she's been making Rhys' wedding day hell. So there's something awesome about watching Rhys get ready to tear her to pieces. And possibly slightly Freudian as well.
Gosh: Torchwood, Freudian? Who ever would have guessed?
Speaking of which, our shapeshifter also gave us our first bit of alien sex in god knows how long. She disguised herself as a hawt babe and seduced some groomsman at the wedding, before disemboweling him during sex. It was a fairly low-key scene by Torchwood season one standards, but racy compared to the rest of season two.
There were also a couple of moments between our bride and groom, Gwen and Rhys, when I actually believed they cared about each other, mostly thanks to some decent acting from Kai Owen. And a few of the bits where Gwen insisted on getting married, even if everyone she knows dies as a result, were sort of touching as long as you didn't think things through.
Okay. Now i've run out of nice things to say about the episode. The other 95 percent of it was pretty rough going. You knew it was going to be bad when Gwen had the world's tackiest bachelorette party, featuring three women we've never seen before and will never see again. And then she's mysteriously pregnant the next day, and immediately we go straight to the jokes about raging hormones and eating pickles out of the jar.
And then sadly we're back to the Torchwood-is-incompetent schtick. They let Gwen go ahead with her wedding, despite the fact that she's "pregnant" with some kind of horrendous alien parasite and there may be other monsters looking for her. (Speaking of which, why does the alien's egg wind up in Gwen's stomach? Why not her chest? Or her arm, where she was actually bitten?) They let the second shapeshifter get away about 500 times, and keep getting themselves into situations where they don't know who's the shapeshifter and who's the real person. You'd think after the fifth or sixth time they get confused, they would round up all the bystanders. And then there's the fact that Owen's best plan is to use his explodey device, which only works when it absolutely has to. (And he forgets that he can't operate it due to his stupid hand-smashing ways.)
But mostly, this was Exhibit A for why Torchwood season two has too much crying, and not enough shagging. (I mean, it would be nice if the show had more than those two things to offer, as it did in "Meat" and "Reset." But sex and whining seem to be the two choices most of the time.)
Eve Myles' eyes have never been bigger than they got several times in this episode. It's her mutant power, making her eyes grow to the size of eggplants, while pouting.
Things about Torchwood that my suspension of disbelief can't encompass: I don't believe Jack and Gwen love each other, or even care for each other that much. I don't really believe Tosh is that into Owen. I no longer believe there's anything going on between Jack and Ianto, and it seems increasingly likely that Jack is actually straight and Ianto is a sort of reverse-beard for him. Most of all, I don't believe that anybody would trust any of these people to contain themselves, much less an alien threat.
But I do believe that Rhys and Gwen care about each other, so in some sense this episode should be counted as a success. Sort of.
Comments
This is interesting. I'm thinking that Season 1 was the wild, unprotected pub bathroom sex, Season 2 is the guilt, and Season 3 (from early reports) will be the awkward morning-after/it didn't happen platonic relationship.
Rhys is probably the only really decent, believable, likable character in the show. Jack gets a pass because he's such a dashing rogue, but that's it really.
@Huxleyhobbes: Oh, Ianto and Tosh!
Come on.
I felt like this episode was a return to Season 1 form. Where nothing happened and it was uselessly boring. Not even any funny jokes.
This is all because IT'S GWEN'S WEDDING and therefore a return to all the crap in the first season about humanity and keeping a real life, etc. etc., that was completely unappealing from a sci fi perspective. People don't watch sci fi to be reminded of their normal lives, they watch it to see aliens shagging, among other things.
Okay, okay, we watch it to see Jack and Ianto shagging.
Haven't we all given up any hope of this show going anywhere? It's a poorly-scripted soap opera with "mythical gadgets" flimsily rescuing one poorly-thought out scene after another.
My vote is for io9 to quit posting about it at all. Genuine fans speak up if you have an interest in continued coverage.
i liked seeing owen being rejected as a meal and begging for a solution to his problem
@aspiringexpatriate: Ianto is good when he's not gurning, I'll grant you.
@else: "Haven't we all given up any hope of this show going anywhere? It's a poorly-scripted soap opera with "mythical gadgets" flimsily rescuing one poorly-thought out scene after another."
Well at least it's true to its source series...
From the rumors I have read of what Season 3 will be like... I think Torchwood truly ENDS with Season 2. If those rumors are true I have no desire to what the crap they are turning it into.
I must say, after just watching the described episode, that I didn't find it THAT bad. Is it cheesy? "Of course it's Torchwood". Does it ever make that much sense? "Of course not, It's Torchwood.? Are you ever emotionally invested in the plot? "Well, if there's sex or a certain hot doctor from Dr. Who, then yeah but otherwise... "It's Torchwood." Do I keep watching like a crackhead who needs a fix so bad they'll go back to Sonny, that pimp that always has the bad crack? Yes, It's Torchwood. I think we Americans give them too much credit because of their accents. Treat it as the Val Lewton studios of today and you'll be on the ground with me laughing so hard the neighbors will will want to slap you for making so much damn noise.
They retconned the entire wedding party...so they'll remember that Gwen and Rhys are married (hence their formalwear), but not the alien embryo, the deaths, etc.?
Weak episode.
I don't understand why people like Ianto so much. Last season he only existed in the background, pining for Lisa. Now he delivers up to 1 snark per episode that he can't say with a straight face, and back to the shadows he goes.
I feel like the show has gotten to the point of hilariously terrible. It's actually so bad that it's fun (and kind of therapeutic) to yell at the idiots on the screen.
This episode did have one absolute WTF? moment for me. Why in the world was Ianto the DJ at Gwen and Rhys' wedding reception? Of all the things in this episode that didn't make any sense, that, to me, made the least.
oh this episode was horrible. Just horrible...
I am surprised by the reactions here, i thought this was by far the best Torchwood episode they have made
Rhys... Man, he's the only normal character on the show...
Okay, I am totally not complaining about the fact that you are actually covering Torchwood (although, I'm sure the writer's strike helped with that decision a lot), but as someone who survived only two hours of Lost before going off the deep end of YouHaveToBeFuckingKiddingMe-ville (I tuned out when Grunberg got munched) and decided against watching the Terminator show entirely when they cast Thomas Dekker - seriously? That snotty kid from Heroes as John Connor? - would it kill you to, I don't know, have the recaps done by someone who enjoys the show at _all_? It's damn depressing to read here every week how much the only other show I look forward to seeing (first is Jericho, of course) sucks. Is it perfect? Hell no! Entertaining? Hell yes! Different from everything else on tv right now? Thank god.
@lucylooo: Yeah, I think sometimes people (me, too) get so caught up in the joys of "hating" that they forget it's supposed to be fun. If you don't like it, don't watch, fercrissakes.
Eh, Torchwood's as good as anything else sci-fi on the TV, and better than most.
A co-worker came up with a good explanation for why Torchwood is staffed entirely by incompetants. Remember in the Battle of Canary Wharf episode of Dr. Who, Torchwood was all professional and competant? He figures everyone in the organisation was killed except for Jack (who's indestructible). Since they're 'above the government', Jack inherited the whole thing through seniority, and nobody has the power to shut it down. Meanwhile Jack's been hiring staff by meeting them while drunk at the pub.
-Kle.
Okay so I loved Torchwood season 1 and until this episode i think season 2 has been going very well. I mean seriously Meat was one of my favorite episodes to date and the whole Owen's death and rebirth story arc(if you can truly call it a story arc being it was only the end of an episode when he died and two episodes where they really focused on it) was down right amazing. I think it really shows the lengths that the series can go to but when you look at this episode it is as if the writers sat down in the writing room and said "Well guys Gwen has to get married eventually so why not have an episode that focuses on that. Wait we would have to have some science fiction thing thrown in there wouldn't we? Well someone figure out how we could put some really interesting wedding stuff in and also include some science fiction-y plot as well." I mean the episode seemed really half-assed compared to others. Also I am very upset about how season 3 is going to turn out. I mean seriously my favorite character in the show is Jack, then Owen, the Tosh, then Ianto and Gwen and Rhys are tied for the two characters I hate the most. I know the show in the begining was sort of supposed to be about her and her joining torchwood but if any characters should leave i think it should be her and Rhys. well thx for listeneing.
Best quote:
Gwen: What will you do while I'm on my honeymoon?
Jack: Pizza... Ianto...
I the more I watch "Torchwood", the more I like it. However I have to believe that these are five of the most emotionally screwed-up people on TV.
I'm waiting for the "Invasion of the Space Swingers" episode. The teaser says "The 21st century is when everything changes and you've got to be ready". From all the shagging and swapping going on in the "Hub", I guess "Torchwood is Ready!"
I hope their condoms are radiation proof.
Oh boy, I'm going to get slammed for this one...
I felt that this season of Torchwood is much improved over season one. More to the point, I thought that this episode was one of season two's best. Eve Myles is clearly this series' shining star and her speech to Reese about why she wanted to marry him was very powerful. Plus, I have a huge crush on her adorable Welsh accent.
Still, I'm afraid that Torchwood is going to be using Retcon as the cousin to Star Trek: Voyager's 'time travel reset button'. It's a little cheap.
Captain Jack's love for Gwen is an interesting twist (despite his ruthless and unemotional shagging of Ianto) and it's nice to see John Barrowman less wooden in these moments. Nevertheless, I get the feeling that it's not going anywhere.
I want this series to work but they have a ways to go before it achieves true success.
@else: At the risk of "alienating" everyone here - I LOVE TORCHWOOD!!!!!!!!! My husband and I set aside Saturday nights to watch this - we also like Dr. Who - but we really like Torchwood. And don't tell my husband, but I'm really into Captain Jack. Just give me a few moments with him... I'd love to regret it later.
Yes, I too would like to see less bashing of Torchwood because it is not only one of my favorite sci fi shows, it is many of my friend's favorite as well.
Also - why does a sci fi show have to be sacrosanct? I like the dirty sex and emotional upheavals. I gues thats because I teach High School students and think that it echoes real life. Give me a bad scene or two, I like the grittiness and unfinished feel of it all. besides, my husband used to be in intelligence in the NAVY and he said the people there were fucked up too.
Yes, keep bringing on Torchwood - can't get enough.
@marion.crane: Ianto was playing dj because the dj was the guy who got killed! There were were several bits of dialogue explaining both these facts. It was obvious to me, but I suppose they went by fast and were very British, so some could have missed it.
You have to just sit back to enjoy yourself and not be overly critical about it. I actually like Torchwood, and do not care if everyone else hates it. It is a personal choice.
I agree that some of lines are bad, but I am beginning to believe that it is a case of making fun of Sci Fi, more than a serious belief that it is a good line. BTW why do you think Jack referenced the wrong show ? The Hero line is a generic thing from many shows, and why does he need to keep the same theme. Also I think Jack needed to say that to soften Rhys blow of not actually saving Gwen. That scene though was Hilarious. It also showed that thois was not his world but rather Gwens, he is just the support she needs
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