io9
The aliens are invading and you want to assemble a crack squad of commandos to fight the tough battles and serve as human meatshields. But where can you find the best commandos in the galaxy? It's time to mine science fiction history for some of the steeliest break-your-face soliders so you can sleep easy when the invasion comes. Who really is tougher? Master Chief from Halo or Jango Fett from Star Wars? Find out in our list of the best space-age commandos, with a portrait gallery of course.
- Major Alan "Dutch" Schaefer from Predator: As the only surviving member of a squad who encountered a Predator, Dutch isn't afraid to take risks and do what he needs to do to survive. He might not be the best at keeping everyone around him alive, but he'll make sure the objective is taken out no matter what the cost. Plus he's handy to have around for catchphrases and one-liners.
- Second Lieutenant Juan "Johnny" Rico from Starship Troopers: Sure, he may have joined up for a girl, and he almost washed himself out after he got a squadmate killed, but when the going got tough he decided to man up for the job. Heck, he was even reported dead and survived a giant claw through his thigh.
- Sergeant Todd from Soldier: As a genetically engineered soldier who has been trained since birth, Todd won't break down and start wishing he was back home during a skirmish in the rings of Saturn. He's a cold, calculating, killing machine, and he's there to get the job done. Just don't expect him to show any emotion.
- Sergeant Andrew Scott from Universal Soldier: You'd need two sergeants to keep a group like this in line, so why not balance out Sgt. Todd's emotionless stare with the over the top insanity from Sgt. Scott? He'd be crazy enough to put the fear of god in you, and you probably wouldn't question his orders.
- Master Chief from Halo: As another genetically engineered super soldier, Master Chief is already tough under his hardened battle armor, and he'd be the perfect man to throw at groups of invading aliens for some brute force action. Plus he seems to have an endless supply of lives on-hand, which could come in handy.
- Mandalorian Supercommando Jango Fett from Star Wars: Jango Fett was so tough and feared that they eventually engineered an entire clone army of soldiers from his DNA. He could go toe to toe with Jedi Knights and survive (for the most part), although his clones didn't seem to be able to shoot that straight. He's handy to have around to serve as every member of the squad in case you lose someone.
- Pvt. First Class Jenette Vasquez from Aliens: Vasquez was tougher than every man on her squad in Aliens, proving that she could trade bullets with the best of them. She lugged around a giant M56 Smart Gun, and she wasn't afraid to get down, dirty, and up close with a pistol. Plus, women in uniform who kick as much ass as she does are just hot.
- Colonial Fleet Ensign Samuel Anders from Battlestar Galactica: As a former star Pyramid player for the Caprica Buccaneers, Anders has the moves and the stamina to pull off flanking maneuvers and keep going when the going gets tough. He's also just found out he's a Cylon, and I'm sure that means he has other capabilities as well. Of course, he might murder you in your sleep too.
- Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart from Doctor Who: As the leader of U.N.I.T. (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce), he's used to handling strange situations and issuing commands under pressure. From his dealings with the Doctor, he's also used to seeing a lot of really strange shit, so he'd be cool and calm while time-traveling wraiths try to invade. Also, he probably makes a darn good cup of tea.
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Thanks to Finite_Elephant for suggesting this triviagasm. Got other ideas? Let us have 'em!
Comments
As cool as Vasquez was, I'd rather have Bishop.
I'll take Robocop, T2 Arnie, Ellen Ripley, Season 1 Jack Bauer, and Bruce Willis character from Fifth Element.
Completely unstoppable.
This may miss the point of the list, but I would put pretty much any Space Marine from any chapter in the Imperium of Man (Warhammer 40K) against any one of these guys. Those are some tough hombres.
But I bet their armor gets steeeenky!
What about the Fremen?
Paul Atreides?
Leto II?
@Seth L: I was trying to stay away from robots, and just use actual soldiers or mercenaries. So, I think I'll have to do a Robotic Army post sometime next week with the best of the best killer bots.
Hells yeh, Vasquez! Best line in Aliens...
"Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
"No. Have you?"
@Kevin Kelly:
Cyborgs ok? Although dumpo the two 'bots and that's still a mighty force.
@gybryant:
Just rip off a purity seal and they crumble. Or threaten some choasy things and it's exterminatus ; )
@gybryant: Damn you for beating me to the Space Marine reference. 19 extra organs, power armor and a gun that shoots rounds the size of coke cans? Fighting for me? Yes, please!
Before I even scrolled down from the headline, I was hoping you'd mention Sgt. Todd from Soldier. Kind of an underrated flick.
i'd want John Perry of the Colonial Defense Forces from John Scalzi's Old Man's War on my team. genetically engineered, smart, deadly and green!
Wait, what the hell am I thinking? The Doom Marine! He can idkfa our species to safety. Case closed!
The Brigadier's best line ever: "Chap with wings there... five rounds rapid!"
Fedaykin ftw.
@aubreyAubrey: Oh, crap - good point. But book Weirding Way, or movie Weirding Modules?
The Empire was taken down by a clan of Ewoks. I'd keep them in reserve as special forces.
I'd also want ex Corporal Zoe......okay I forgot what her last name was. But that is a woman who can kick ass, think on her fleet, handle pretty much any type of gun with ease and NOTHING fazes her. They freaking cut of her captain's ear and she didn't flinch.
Plus I think we're a little lacking in women on this dream team.
And Rico? Really?
Master Chief. Isn't this a bit unfair? A whole bunch of Spartans would take a bunch of UNISOL's. Including mister Red Scorpion himself. "Are you all ears soldier?"
@extracrispy: Nice! Since we're quoting Aliens, "We're on an express elevator to hell, Going DOWN!"
I'll take River Tam, thank you very much. That girl's a 'might bit unpredictable, but worth it in a good tussle.
@Kevin Kelly: God I hope that list includes Marvin the Paranoid Android.
@draconismoi: I'd say Rico if we go Starship Troopers Novel Rico. Then you have armor.
I'll take Col. Fedmahn Kassad from the Hyperion books.
@draconismoi: I never could buy Zoe (Washburn btw). Yeah, her character is written as a badass, but no one ever taught the actress Gina Torres how to hold a firearm. She always held hers like, well, like someone that's never handled a gun. Kinda ruined the illusion for me.
Who needs a ground war when you can just ask Ender to annihilate everything in his path.
I'd take Jango out of my squad and replace him with corporal Giroro from Keroro Gunso. Sure he's an angry red frog, but he can materialize weapons out of thin air and has remarkable destructive abilities.
[en.wikipedia.org]
If we're limitied to picking squadmates, I'd ditch Jango and Vasquez and swap them out for Ghost and Col. Zone from Brian Daley's GammaLAW series. Hard to beat an Ext with a good Flowstate going. Vasquez has a little too much trouble keeping a lid on it when the fur's not flying and Jango Fett's dependence on cool toys would be his undoing. I'd also want Cheradenine Zakalwe (Culture, Special Circumstances) and the drone Skaffen-Amtiskaw (same). Anders can stay, and so can Dutch, but the rest, I'd gladly trade out.
I'd take Fleet Sergeant Zim over Lt. Rico, hands down.
And I'm not talking about the movie, although Verhoeven gets points for casting The Kurgan in that role...
No clones from Space: Above and Beyond?
Not much special about them but what war can't be won through attrition?
All I'd need is the 58th and Lt. Col. Raymond T. Butts. Killin' those aliens would be as easy as eatin' pancakes!
No love for the new Starbuck? She can kick your ass, fly a fighter, shoot better than just about the rest, smokes a mean cigar, and cleans up nicely in a dress.
Master Chief, with his Mjoliner (sp?) armor, would be unstoppable next to the rest of these people.
Nah nah nah... I'd get an army of all the different characters played by Michael Ironside over the years. I'd be utterly invincible.
@Final: Bah! Can't belive you beat me to the SaaB reference.
And those were InVitros. Or tanks, for you dirty bigots. :P
@Final: Also the in vitro Col. McQueen was one tough badass.
@Guizzy: That's a long, strong list. The resistance commander from V and Overdog McNabb for starters. Of course, if you had Overdog, you'd need a big transport for all that crazy life support gear and the array for draining Molly Ringwald's lifeforce.
I would also say omitting Ellen Ripley is a crime. She looked an Alien Queen right in the...um, eyes?...said "Get away from her, you BITCH!" and proceeded to kick her ass with a fork lifter.
@Git Em SteveDave: I second that. Rico in a powersuit walks heavy. In the Octagon, with no gear, I'd bet on Fett.
@FLegion: Nipple-Necks.
I'd also like John Hawkins from "Jericho"; he took out 4 Ravenwood mercs without breaking a sweat last night!
If you talk back to Sgt. Scott, he'll cut your ear off.
Sgt. Todd wasn't genetically engineered, but his replacement was. Todd was just brainwashed and abused from infancy to be a stone killer.
And how 'bout a squad of X-5's from "Dark Angel"? Or could I just have Max Gueverra? Can I? Pleeeease?
The Dream Team
The Point Man: The Shrike from Dan Simmons' "Hyperion" - Col. Fedhman Kassad turned into unstoppable killing machine that can stop or slow time and... has a razor wire like carapace. Can bring an entire planet to it's knees, freak you the fuck out, scare the crap out of you, and then feed you your heart before you ever see it. In that order.
The Mojo: Pham Nuwen from Vernor Vinge's "A Deepness in the Sky" - the man, the myth, the legendary "Programmer at Arms". The Odysseus of the stars. Gotta have him Yoda-ing up any team.
The Brute Force: the Possessed from Peter F. Hamilton's "Reality Dysfunction" - good God, don't let even one of them onto your planet! Essentially zombies with force powers from the beyond. Most vicious army ever. They WILL bring your whole 700+ planet galactic empire to it's knees.
That ought to do it. Yep.
Seems that Teal'c from SG-1 is missing. Good team guy
I will take Zoe from Firefly over any of the above named soldiers. Corporal Zoe Alleyne (Browncoat)
Darth Mull, Storm, and Pownce-o-matic are coming with me~
@caltrop2004: MacGyver?
@darcymcgee: Yep I'd take River in a heartbeat first. Then Leeloo from 5th with her budy Korbin Dallas. Then Vasquez and Deunan Knute for fire support! I'd round it out with Ash and his boom stick baby!! Dead alien says what!?!
@caltrop2004: Of course! What was I thinking? And of course I want Col. (sorry, General) O'Neill along to lead the whole thing (I'll enjoy the wise cracking, and the avoidance of/pointing-out cliches thing)!
Nobody is tougher than the marines in Starcraft.
Needs more Brock Sampson. The guy killed a horde of Mexicans using only his clothing, and once even killed a guy using his ass while captured on a ghost pirate ship.
Of the group here, I'd go with Johnny Rico if I could have the Heinlein version and not the Verhoeven version. Two entirely different kinds of soldiers. Actually, one was a soldier and the other was a poster child for coming of age in a fascist era. Either way, he's lost his hometown, his girl was doing a pilot and he still kicked all the bug bottom available (really, though I'd want Zim, if anybody. Do we have to go with only the star of only things in the movies?).
@Killa_Charlie: Putting Brock Sampson on this list would be like bringing a Railgun to a knife fight.
Captain John Perry, Colonial Defense Forces, from John Scalzi's Old Man's War
@jhwoodyatt: "Nobody is tougher than the marines in Starcraft."
Isn't their life expectancy somewhere around 5 seconds (12 with a medic)? Tough looking, maybe, but to an angry hydralisk they might as well be gigantic water balloons.
Now a Protoss Zealot or, better still, a Dragoon. I'd definitely put a Dragoon in my squad. Part Protoss, mostly cyborg spider-thing...
@EBone: "No love for the new Starbuck?"
You'd be insane to put her in your squad! She doesn't follow orders and is way too emotionally unstable. Not saying she isn't a good soldier, but she would probably be the first one you lose (assuming she replaced Jango. Sorry, still can't get over that. A bounty hunter so awesome he hires other bounty hunters to do his dirty work).