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There are Serbian dog-food commercials that would have made more sense to me than Doomsday, the quarantined-country-reverts-to-barbarism epic that opens today. It starts out as an engaging action-horror blend with a nice touch of future dystopia (and huge servings of gore), and then slowly unravels until the ending is basically pure Dada. We just saw it. Click through for the whole brain-shredding carnage [spoilers ahead].
There are Serbian dog-food commercials that would have made more sense to me than Doomsday, the quarantined-country-reverts-to-barbarism epic that opens today. It starts out as an engaging action-horror blend with a nice touch of future dystopia (and huge servings of gore), and then slowly unravels until the ending is basically pure Dada. We just saw it. Click through for the whole brain-shredding carnage [spoilers ahead].I mentioned the other day that Doomsday wasn't screened for critics, and it's easy to see why. I had to go see the first showing at our local theater, which was at noon — exactly 12 hours too early for this sort of movie. If you don't care about logic, or story, or characters, or pretty much anything except for seeing a hot woman dismember people in a tanktop — punctuated by some really, really over the top musical segments — then you'll love this film. It's not Shakespeare. It's not even Shakespeare In Love. But it's better than Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the last film on this level that I saw.
I mentioned the other day that Doomsday wasn't screened for critics, and it's easy to see why. I had to go see the first showing at our local theater, which was at noon — exactly 12 hours too early for this sort of movie. If you don't care about logic, or story, or characters, or pretty much anything except for seeing a hot woman dismember people in a tanktop — punctuated by some really, really over the top musical segments — then you'll love this film. It's not Shakespeare. It's not even Shakespeare In Love. But it's better than Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the last film on this level that I saw.Here's the plot in a nutshell: in April 2008, a deadly virus (The Reaper) breaks out in Glasgow and spreads like wildfire. The authorities decide, in a very 28 Weeks Later sequence, to quarantine the country and shoot down anybody who tries to get out. But then, 30 years later, a deeply dystopian and slummy London sparks a new outbreak of the virus (which feeds off poverty and overcrowding). The government sends a team up to Scotland to find out why some people survived the virus up there, led by Rhona Mitra's super-commando. Unfortunately, the last survivors of Scotland have fallen into total barbarism.
Doomsday won me over the moment I saw Rhona Mitra's removable eye. Rhona plays Eden Sinclair, who loses an eye as a small girl during the final evacuation of Scotland. When we see her as an adult, she has a prosthetic eye, with a tiny camera inside. The camera goes to a video screen (and digital recorder) in her wristwatch. So she can take her eye out and use it to look around corners, or make secret recordings of whatever she sees. It's really the only scifi-ish thing in the movie, but the first time we see it in action is (sorry) literally eye-popping.
And I'm happy to report that despite all director Neil Marshall (The Descent)'s talk about Mitra's character "keeping her femininity," she's a total hard-ass who doesn't give a shit about anything. We see plenty of scenes of her being a crazy bad-ass and not giving a shit, but just in case we miss it, Marshall has several characters look at her and say things like, "You don't give a shit, do you?" Right at the start of the movie, there's a great scene where her boss, played by Bob Hoskins, smokes with her and tells her that if she keeps going like this, she'll wind up one seriously fucked-up individual. Good to know, Bob. (The great joy of Hoskins these days is watching him slowly morph into Ed Asner.) She does cry once, right at the end, but it's brief and actually appropriate under the circumstances.
The movie is massively over the top from the first few minutes, with a blood spattering massacre at the new Great Wall of Scotland, and then a sequence where Mitra's character takes a bunch of random bad guys. (There's a naked woman in the bathtub, so of course she has a shotgun with her. Who wouldn't?) And it just gets crazier and crazier.
Inside Scotland, there are two groups of survivors. The first, in Glasgow, have turned to cannibalism and really excessive gothpunk fashion. If you don't take joy in watching the blond-mohawked leader of a cannibal tribe dance around to the Fine Young Cannibals, with two pole dancers in fishnets flanking him, then there's just no joy in you. I'm serious. The cannibal leader does a dance routine to Fine Young Cannibals. And then they roast a member of Mitra's team alive and eat him with their bare hands.
The other group of survivors, up north, is led by Malcolm McDowell. And here's where the movie just slides right off the rails. McDowell plays a scientist who was in Glasgow working on a cure for the plague when the country was closed off. And now somehow he's turned into the king of a castle, full of people in fake medieval garb. It's an entire Society for Creative Anachronism culture. And McDowell's scientist character recreates the Spanish inquisition and accuses Mitra of "sin" by having brought the outside world to his castle. (McDowell tries to trick his followers into thinking the rest of the world is dead — but doesn't seem that worried about showing off Mitra and her gang to his followers, even though they're evidence the rest of the world is fine.)
The final reel, when Mitra finds a mint-condition Bentley car in a fallout shelter, and manages to fill the tank with gas, is just bizarre. There's literally a moment where everybody involved seems to decide that if you've watched this far, you're in for the whole ride, and there's no point in trying to make sense any more. I don't know if I should spoil the end of the movie totally, but it succumbs to total dementia. I'm not an epidemiologist, but I'm a tad confused as to how Mitra's "cure" for the disease will work, and why she didn't just avail herself of it two hours earlier. And then Bob Hoskins develops the power of teleportation and becomes mildly psychic. And then Mitra makes some decisions that I can't fathom at all.
Oh, and did I mention that the leader of the cannibals is Malcolm McDowell's son? And that in the final showdown between Mitra's Bentley and the cannibals' ragtag collection of crappy cars and motorcycles, we hear a version of "Two Tribes" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood? And the cannibal leader has a biohazard symbol tattooed on his back, and a leashed slave in full rubber bondage gear? And McDowell's medieval freaks have biohazard insignias — and biohazard stained glass?
Bottom line: Doomsday is a worthy addition to the Resident Evil canon of "butt-kicking babe in a ruined world" movies. Just don't ask any hard questions, like where the cannibals get all their pink hair dye and pristine latex bodysuits, and you'll enjoy the dancing, crashing, exploding, splattering, multiple decapitating goodness.
Comments
That's one tough Bentley. Tougher than a schoolbus.
Nice Rockford she pulls with it at the very end of the second clip.
I just KNOW you were trying to make this sound stupid good and fun- but, ya know- you just didn't.
Valiant effort though.
Who would have thought a bus could be that flammable.
After the week I've had, I totally need to see this movie this weekend.
Sounds like just what I wanted:
A confusing & mindless plot; dystopian, 'splodey Scottish cannibals v. a cyclopean hot babe w/ big guns; and Malcom McFreakin'Dowell. I believe the term is "sqee".
That first clip was a very convincing argument to never see this movie.
Cannot. Wait. To. See. Movie. BOOM.
The TV ads made Rhona Mitra look like Mad Maxine.
@MrJellytree: You have no soul.
Bah! More spoilers! I want the whole confusing mess laid out like barf on sidewalk.
Eeew. Weekend time.
I think I'll just rent Road Warriors.
Wow, that sounds like a terrible combination of 28 Days Later, Mad Max, and Lukacs' Gay Nazi (skinhead) porn paintings in action, complete with supra-post apocalyptic Hitler parade car.
I know what I'll be doing come bargain matinee time on Monday...
@Charlie Jane Anders: This movie has no soul.
Malcolm McDowell just doesn't give a shit about anything, does he? I'm so psyched for this movie.
Must see this.
We just got back from seeing this. It. was. AWESOME.
Every bad post-apoc movie from the 80's rolled into a dystopian future virus film. Frankly, we enjoyed the hell out of this film. From the cliche Indestructible (but still destructible) battle trucks right down to the wide variety of decapitations, this movie screams enjoyment.
This will join the ranks of Warriors of the Wasteland and A Boy and his Dog (among many others) as our B-Grade Post-Apoc Guilty Pleasures.
@thorshammer: Seriously. It's an instant classic! I'm really hoping it surprises everybody and makes $100 million this weekend.
The biohazard stained glass was the best part.
The major drawback from me, was that the action sequences were completely incomprehensible. Silly Neil Marshall and his desire to edit his own movies.
Otherwise, I liked it. And it was fun. As for the logic and the rest of it, well, they're not strangers, and they stay as they lay.
The really funny part, was on the walk back from the theater, my friend said 'they escape in a train. how hard is it to follow a train? it only goes one direction!'
And I was stupified with hilarity.
Does that mean I've got either a month to live or a month before I sign up with Malcolm McDowell in Braveheart World?
Shoot me now. With a shotgun. In the bath.
@aspiringexpatriate: Ah, but which car?
@fartron: Agreed. Why is this movie not a total rip-off of RW? Maybe they got a deal on the used costumes.
omg- its 5fast5furious+ mad max+ apocalypto
i'd wonder what their target audience is but i'm pretty sure it's the same as aeon flux or ultraviolet hehe
looks fun but i won't pay $10 unless its better than daredevil (much better)
This was possibly the greatest movie I've ever seen. I thought Charlie's review made it out to be worse than it was. Most everything made perfect sense to me, except for the very very very end, when Ed Asner did just seem to sort of appear out of nowhere.
I also got a huge kick out of the fact that the movie became the Fellowship of the Ring for about 20 minutes, right down to the Boromir death scene.
Our one real nitpick - that sweet, modern, mint-condition sports car couldn't outrun all those pieced together junkers the punks were driving?
As far as the train thing, of course the punks couldn't follow them. Their leader was busy duct-taping his girlfriend's head back on!
"And then Bob Hoskins develops the power of teleportation and becomes mildly psychic."
That sentence won it, for me.
Saw Doomsday... Don't waste your time unless you really need a dumb movie with too much gore.. should have called it "Escape From Mad Max" It's got it all, and they're all cliches at this point.
great tattoos, i must admit.
Honorable wife person nearly revolted. Mutterings were heard above the splatter.. Not good. I will have to placate with chocolate.
Utterly ridiculous, totally absurd and derivative of no less than half a dozen other science fiction movies...and I loved every fucking second of it.
@codydog:
Yeah, when I saw the previews all I could say is "Where's Snnnaaake?" because it was just 80s redux.
Don't get me wrong, I LIKED Mad Max, Road Warrior, and Escape From New York. Silly, but fairly well written within their genre, Great direction (it seems The Road Warrior chase sequences are the working model for everyone making a film since 1981). And, the added bonus of breakout performances from Kurt Russell and (the now unfortunately insane) Mel Gibson.
And, sweet jebus, there's an Escape From New York remake on the way in 2009.
Saw it Saturday night. A pretty good time. Actually, one of the funniest moments was that they ran Horton Hears A Who by accident, and the place went wild, people charging out of their seats, swearing. A small teenager working for the place placated everyone and promised to have it fixed quickly. And then a guy in front of me said, "I better get my goddamn previews."
My blurb review...
"Neil Marshal threw it against the wall... and everything stuck."
I can't remember the last time I came out of a movie theater this happy and surprised. I mean, I expected to like this in a, yeah its pretty awesome way, but this far exceeded my expectations. Is it high art? Yeah it is as far as post apocalyptic crazy fuck all movies go.
My friends and I were really, REALLY trying to reserve judgment and see where this movie was going. Actually, I was holding back giggles the whole time, but the fellas in my crew seemed to be into it.
But when the 30-year-old Bentley with the fully charged battery, active spark plugs, and mutant healing power showed up, we all totally lost it and let out a collective What. The. Fuck!
But I must thank the filmmakers: my friends and I will be laughing about this one fore years.
Wait how did it end? Please please spoil it for me. Now I'm dying to know but there is no chance I can stomach the gore and watch the movie. I prefer the amusing breakdown provided by others.
i enjoyed it only because i was under the influence at the time.
"...makes some decisions that I can't fathom at all," is an understatement.
Why does Eden just assume that if she heads back into cannibal land, everyone will be totally cool with her tossing out Sol's head and declaring herself queen or whatever the hell it was she did? I mean, they really seemed to like him. Wouldn't they have been much more likely to become enranged, and then promptly kill and eat her?
I'm more worried that Bentley's have tougher windshields than APC's... Typical Brit engineering.. Although with Lucas ignition, i can't believe the thing started after thirty days, much less thirty years...Shoulda hada Toyota.
@Scotus: I think that was the Batman: Dark Knight Returns moment, when he takes over the group of murdering loons after taking out their leader.
Maybe I'm a post-apocalyptic mayhem apologist, but upon further review, the movie kinda makes sense. If I was stuck in Scotland, unaffected by a deadly epidemic, I'd probably head straight to the nearest castle (after all, those things are built to last), plunder the exhibits for weapons and armor and play house.
@Scotus: It's pretty much an unwritten post apocolypse rule that if you take out the leader of a group you become the new leader.
@ceejeemcbeegee (just debatin' not hatin'): You're right it would've been a much cooler movie if they saw the Bently, it didn't start, they said, awe crap and then promptly got murdered by nouveau Robin Hood and we didn't get a car chase. Stupid lack of logic in movies about walled off plague ridden Scotland, really ruins it all.
This review makes me miss Mystery Science Theater.
I think it looks like a rental.
I think any movie with chicks, fire and fast cars can't be all that bad... as in bad ass kewl but hey that's just me and option of my pet monkey... say hi "crunchy" to the nice bloggers and don't shit on the damn keyboard again.
Oh, it was awful, and it made no sense (the term "plothole" doesn't begin to cover it). But as many others have mentioned, it was completely worth it. I think the moment where it tipped into ridiculous but grand for me was the extraneous exploding bunny. Dada is the perfect description. I can't wait until it shows up on cable. I'd love to kill a lazy afternoon watching it again, this time with the bad dubbing and editing they do for broadcast to make it even better as long as they keep all the severed heads in.
@edosan: I'm pretty sure it will get the RiffTrax treatment.
Actually, Hoskins didn't use telepathy to find Mitra's character. She gave him an envelope with some personal information on it (which she probably memorized by that point) before she set off on her trip.
The mint-condition Bentley gag made me wonder if Marshall was tossing in a nod to Woody Allen's "Sleeper." Remember the Volkswagen in the cave joke?
oooo! I loved this, er... movie. Yeah, that's it, movie. Well, maybe 'flick' would work better in this case. I think I'll use flick for this.
I loved this flick.
Do not wait for the rental people!
I plan on buying the DVD whenever/if it comes out.
The eyeball, the dancing, the cars, the gladiator duel, the crappy tank windshield, the guy with the axe, everything was magic about this movie.
I loved this movie in ways I can't express with my limited vocabulary.
It was like a post-apoc movie, done in the spirit of burlesque. I can imagine being pretty depressed with it if I went in hoping for a serious film, but as a homage/satire/brain-off-gore-on film it was perfect. I don't think I ever have, or will again, laugh out loud while watching a man be cooked alive and then eaten.
Yes, the day after I saw it. I heard "Good Thing" at the supermarket. Oh the wonders.
@aspiringexpatriate: Were you in the meat section?
Saw this at weekend - it was brilliant. Myself, my girlf (who usually has a very low gore tolerance) and the twenty-odd other people in the cinema were in stitches from FYC on.
TOTAL NONSENSE and NEVER EVER EVEN FOR A SECOND AWESOME!
Like you poured yourself a tumbler of John Carpenter and let it sit on the dashboard until the ice melts to a tinny flavor of regret, yes regret for the sandwich i could have bought instead of seeing this flick.
Don't get me wrong -- I expected it to be bad, and so didn't think twice about trying to dim the more critical parts of my brain legally and otherwise.
Neil Marshall, you owe me a tuna sandwich, ass.