io9
Any comic called Superman/Batman should really be the most astounding piece of reading material since Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. And yet, sadly, DC's monthly comic about the adventures of its two most famous characters has been a bit dull for a few years now. I've been obsessing, during my rare downtime, about how I would restore Supes/Bats to its former spiffiness, if Dan DiDio was somehow afflicted with brain damage and chose to let me write it. Here are my thoughts.
First, a little bit of history of the Superman/Batman teamups. The two first joined together in 1952, and quickly learned each other's secret identities. Their monthly teamup comic, World's Finest, lasted until the mid-1980s. They were best friends, and their stories often had a sort of boys' clubhouse feel, with Robin along for the ride. Occasionally a girl like Supergirl or Batgirl would want to join the club. Or either Superman would get a new "best friend," leaving Batman to feel sad and rejected. Or some mean boys, like the Composite Superman or Anti-Batman and Anti-Superman, would show up and ruin everything. But the stories would always end with the club intact again.
And then in the mid-1980s, Frank Miller and John Byrne came up with the idea of making Superman and Batman uneasy allies, who didn't trust each other. Miller's Batman: The Dark Knight Returns ends with the two slugging it out, and Byrne's Superman: The Man Of Steel has the young Superman meeting the unsavory vigilante Batman for the first time. Batman thinks Superman's a callow boy scout, and Superman disapproves of Batman's violent methods. This is the one where Batman tells Superman that he's implanted a deadly bomb in "an innocent" that will go off if Superman tries to grab Batman... and then it turns out the bomb is actually in Batman himself, which means Batman is an innocent. I keep waiting for Superman to pat Batman on the back or brush against him accidentally. (Why couldn't Batman have just implanted the bomb in a chihuahua? Chihuahuas are people too. But maybe Batman doesn't believe chihuahuas are ever innocent.) In fact, there are approximately 1,000 DC comics from the late 1980s where Superman says that he disapproves of Batman's methods, before teaming up with him.
Now, the two are back to being friends, more or less, although Superman/Batman always shows that they have very different perspectives by giving us thought captions from both of them. Superman is bright and optimistic, Batman is dark and brooding. So occasionally, Superman will think to himself, "Wow, Bruce is so dark and brooding." And Batman will think, "Oh Clark, I could never be as optimistic and bright as you are." (It's all about the first names nowadays.) And now DC is working on a weekly Superman/Batman/Wonder Woman team-up comic, written by Kurt Busiek.
So in a nutshell, the dynamic between Batman and Superman has always been a tad cartoonish and oversimplified, based on whatever the prevailing version of Batman has been at the time. (Fun caped crusader, grim 'n' gritty avenger, or paranoid-but-brilliant member of the superhero family.) Superman hasn't changed nearly as much as Batman has.
So here's how I'd make the dynamic between Superman and Batman more interesting: I'd turn them into Lethal Weapon.
Superman is the cautious one, the straight arrow who does everything by the book despite (or because of) his almost limitless power. Batman is the crazy, out-of-control risktaker who keeps dragging Superman into situations he's not equipped for. Batman is the guy who sends Superman and himself diving into a black hole on a spaceship with one dud engine. He's the one who drags Superman and himself into a nest of trolls, whose magic weapons can hack Superman to pieces. He seems to make impulsive, rash decisions, but always turns out to have a plan. Sort of.
And yes, I know that since Grant Morrison's JLA Batman has been portrayed as the uber-control freak who always plans twenty steps ahead in every situation. But he's also the non-powered guy who dresses up in a bat costume, with his face unprotected, and jumps off rooftops into gunfire every night of the week. He's the crazed, half-suicidal Mel Gibson to Superman's Danny Glover.
Every Superman/Batman storyline should start with Superman being totally on top of things as usual, crushing a rogue giant robot with one hand while using his heat vision to stop a falling satellite from crashing on a populated area. And maybe using his super-breath to avert a tsunami at the same time. And then suddenly, Batman comes zipping up in his Bat-plane and is like, "time to go, boy scout!" Superman starts to protest, but he knows Batman only resorts to asking for his help when it's a serious problem. The next thing he knows, he's lost control over his superpowers and Batman is sending the two of them in a tailspin into a magical soul-eating volcano. "This volcano is connected to a crime that happened in Gotham City, which means it's MINE," Batman explains helpfully.
Instead of looking at Batman and thinking, "I don't approve of his methods," or "He's my pal," or "Bruce, why are you so grim and dark?" Superman should be shouting "Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce! What have you gotten me into this time?" at the top of his super-lungs, while Batman cackles.
Comments
A Batman/Superman Lethal Weapon type comic? I'd read it.
This comic started off really good, got bad, got even worse, then got a little better, and is now kinda meh. I agree that it needs something.
I don't know if I'd call Batman a crazy out of control risk taker. I would say he's probably an eccentric truly calculating brilliant strategist who often comes off looking like he's taking risks.
One of these days Batman is just going to put on a kryptonite glove and bitch slap Superman for being annoying.
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I eagerly await the scene in which Batman gets tossed into Arkham, and bets Supes that he can get out of the straitjacket, and proceeds to do so by dislocating his shoulder.
I'd buy it only if Batman fights Gary Busey at the end of the comic.
Your description sounds more like Lucy and Ethel rather than gibson and glover.
For my money the Bat/Supes team up "World's Finest" on Superman: The Animated Series was one of the best iterations of the duo. Batman should always refer to Supers as "Kent." The distrust is what makes the relationship work.
Even if it doesn't turn into a full-scale monthly, I want to see your idea in one-shot graphic-novel form, Charlie.
"Bruce, I'm 75 years old. I got stuck on this backwards rock when I was a baby and grew up in sticksville. I've spent my whole life saving Metr...hell, the whole pl...screw that, the entire frickin' universe! The rest of the time I fly around avoiding stupid bright-colored rocks. And shaving my superwhiskers every day to keep my boy scout image? You don't even want to know how much of a pain that is.
Look, I'm tired. And I've only got a few more weeks left before I can collect my JLA pension and retire to the Fortress for a life of Solitude. So the last thing I need is some kind of brooding, suicidal, manic partner!"
Busiek = automatic pull-list add.
@92BuickLeSabre: "I'm getting too old for this sh-" (cue George Strait's "Bad to the Bone")
Who gets the Joe Pesci role?
@Dead Air ummm Dead Air: I originally had that line in there, but I figured "hell" and "screw that" were probably already pushing the vulgarity limit for Supes.
@ratlas: Aquaman.
I'd make them both more violent. Then make them gay lovers. Then I'd call it "The Authority" and call it a day.
Simple: Batman and Superman fight over Wonder Woman, who then runs off with the Flash.
Or better yet, they switch bodies, ala Freaky Friday. Hilarity ensues.
Yeah, maybe they could throw in a car chase or two, have a humorous moment when some guy gets pummeled in the nuts and ... hey! maybe they get stuck with a cute little girl that tails along, getting in the way and being annoying-cute, but then ultimately saves the day with her pure sweet soul even when her proud superpowered guardians couldn't.
Then maybe we could do it all again in the next issue/sequel.
because no one else said so:
"Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce! Why are you flying straight into the anti-matter hole!"
"Why? I'm the GODDAMN Batman."
@Hart: why is it that the "nut pummeling" idea is still cracking me up
/imagining them both laughing with heads thrown back while Gorilla Grodd writhes in fetal position
@Szin: It started off bad and then began to tunnel downward and it hasn't stopped yet.
The problem with the book is in its disingenuous origins. There's simply no reason for these two guys to be together all the time. Each is a drag on the others style. It only exists to pair the top two heroes at DC to make money (much like Stan Lee admitted was the only reason The Avengers were created). The simple fact it can be so awful and still make a dollar is sad proof of it. Imagine a Spider-man and Wolverine book. Actually, you don't have to, it's called New Avengers and just like that book it will sell no matter how much it sucks. But take Spidey and Wolverine out and that book will be dead before dawn.
@TommySez:
Oh.
I see what you did there.
Oh so help me, if someone were to actually publish this I'd buy it. Still laughing at @mitchell_stevens "Why? I'm the GODDAMN Batman!" line
@Macloserboy: Agreed. Or Batman V. (insert Marvel character here). Why, exactly?
and then darkseid is all 'bwahahaha.. diplomatic immunity!' and then batman shoots him
This perhaps the most exciting batman/superman team up I've seen. I wish the comics could at least be as good as the cartoon renditions in Batman/Superman Animated series and even the freaking Justice League. Please, go to a publisher, stat.
Ok, next up: Bruce Willis as Green Arrow v. Alan Rickman's Count Vertigo.
Great Idea! Batman as that crazy college roommate who could always talk you into barhoping the night before a big exam only with a bit more super villainy. "Come on Kent! Forget about class, those coeds aren't about to save themselves! Beside, Kent you can always time travel later and still study. Come on, PHULEESSSE..."
I strongly recommend the animated Batman Superman crossover team-up movie "Worlds Finest" Buy it/rent/watch it!!!!
Mark Hamill's over the top Joker makes a deal with Luthor to kill Superman while Bruce Wayne is visiting Metropolis. I love the sceen where they first meet. Supes is totally owned by Bats!
PLUS it has a cat fight between Luthor's Mercy and Joker's Harley Quinn!!!!
What More Do You Need
Superman: "I'm too old for this shit!"
Miller made a sequel to Dark Knight Returns (can't remember the name). Basically, Lex Luthor and Brainiac run USA and have enslaved The Atom, Flash, Wonder Woman and Superman, and various others, using blackmail schemes. And then Batman goes renegade, frees everyone and saves the day.
Bats beats the crap out of Supes in the beginning, and it turns out Supes and Wonder Woman has a love child!
Not a classic, but enjoyable.
I think they just need to fix Supermans character a little bit.
Hes way too much of a boyscout.
I remember watching on of his earlier cartoons and back then he just had ideals and opinions. In the earlier comics he tackled social issues like husbands abusing their wives and crooked politicians.
I think he should play less "by the rules". No be a vigilante by any means but he should definitely play by the rules of someone who has pretty much every superpower known to man that has and idealistic view of the world.
Prevent wars, stop the war on drugs, tackle more down to earth villians (child molesters rapists), have an opinion that might offend people (maybe hes for stem-cell research or against a womens right to choose).
The guy can do ANYTHING. Make him act like it.
I like any kind of change to ancient characters and situations. At least for a little while, when it's time for another change. I would read your comic. For a little while.
i'm sorry but a 'lethal weapon' style batman & superman isn't the best idea around.
@Emilia: "Brucie, you have some 'splainin' to do...!"
Superman's a bad character. Morally perfect, the most powerful being in existence, super-intelligent, there's no meat there that's being explored. I'd love to see DC delve into his psychology a bit more.
It's got to suck being Superman. You're supposedly the last of your species, which has got to instill a level of loneliness that just doesn't appear. On top of that, you're raised with a moral absolutist outlook on the world, at odds with the reality of your ability to prevent or repair each, but not all, negative event. Not only those in your life, but in the entire world, entire galaxy, entire multiverse. Every obituary, natural disaster, dictator, war, lost pet, rained out baseball-game, polluted city, etc would be entirely on your shoulders. With the super-vision and hearing, you can even hear the death-throes and watch the lives of people unravel due to your lack of intervention.
Not even natural deaths can be shrugged off, since as a super-genius with access to incredibly advanced medicine, you could have been spending your time curing disease and helping people live better.
On top of that, with the ability to travel through time and a working knowledge of the parallel universes DC is composed of, not only current maladies are at your feet, but EVERY BAD THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE IN ANY DIMENSION is the result of you not taking action.
And the man wastes his time with a day-job and secret identity. Taking a full-life's worth of personal time measured in the blood of the innocent has got to make one feel guilty...
I'd love to see Kent have a bad day, throw down his tie, then enslave the world, slaughtering all the petty evil people in a single heartbeat. End of the issue, he sighs, reverses time, and goes to work.
Basically, Batman should be the more optimistic of the two. Batman knows that he's doing more than anyone could ask of any man, Supes that his lack of action has caused countless levels of despair.
@Balius: You have encapsulated why I can't stand Supes. He's just a pile of big empty. And it seems so many writers overlook this fact.
@IchabodCrane: Also awesome? The implied Bruce Wayne/Lois Lane sex. Not only does Batman show up in Metropolis, figures out Supes' secret-ident, but he also snags the blue boy scout's unrequited crush!
@NefariousNewt: Best use of Hilarity Ensues EVAR!
You make it sound a bit like a Lucille Ball sitcom....
"Bruuuucey, youv'e got a lot of s'plaining to do"!
@Balius: Soooo... Doctor Who?
I think you're right, though. You really can't go wrong with more psychological depth. I advocate it for pretty much everything...drama should be character-driven!
As not a superhero comics reader, the only Superman/Batman team-up I've ever seen was in the Superman animated series, and the only part of it I can remember is a great scene with Lois Lane snarking at Bruce Wayne and fetching him some "burning, stinging iodine" for a wound. But I do remember that it was my favorite ep from that whole show, so something must have been working.
Agreed, the Superman/Batman comic is basically a waste of trees, but the latest annual (#2) is worth picking up. Its a glance into the past, one of the first teamups of the characters, and you can actually see why they work together. Particularly notable is Robin's hero worship of Supes, and his comment that Superman never gives up. Ever. Contrast that attitude with CK's pathetic fear of flying tonight on Smallville.
I actually enjoyed the pre-Idenity Crisis Batman/Superman comic, as it provided a good regular story that told what was happening in the DC universe. In short, the series actually mattered. I thought their teaming up went well for a while, as it was a rare instance when they were trying to achieve teh same goal. As for your story suggestion, sorry, but it sounds about just as bad as the series usually is.
There was a great bit in the new Blue Beetle -- if you're not reading it, you should be -- where Blue Beetle (who's a teenager and stil new to the superhero game -- gets asked by Batman to come on a mission with him. He's all goshwow fanboy and wants to tell his family about it. Batman tells him to say he worked with Superman. "Trust me. People like Superman."
I was reading Bailius's ideas about Supes and saying to myself, "Yeah, they should write that," until bluewyvern pointed out that that would make him The Doctor.
*sigh* I'm not sure there's any way to make that character interesting. (There's always the Superman analog in Top Ten who turns out to be a child molester, but somehow I don't think DC would go for that.)
That's a terrible idea, and totally ruins Batman. Why would you make him out to be an unprepared douchebag?
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