io9
If you've been browsing the cable airwaves, you might have noticed the 1993 film The Meteor Man has been playing on Showtime, usually as late-night filler material. Although it's 15 years old, it didn't even stand up for 15 minutes at the box office, grossing only $8 million dollars despite a wealth of talented actors. If you really want to torture yourself, strap yourself in Clockwork Orange-style and try watching it. We dare you. Or just check out the full story behind the movie that makes Blankman seem bearable by comparison.
- Robert Townsend (Hollywood Shuffle) both wrote and directed this movie, although he faded from the limelight once it tanked. He went on to direct a Disney Channel movie called Up, Up and Away, which was also about superheroes.
- The plot follows a fairly straightforward comic book route, having mild mannered Jefferson Reed Jefferson Reed gain powers after he gets hit by a meteor. However, they went a bit overboard with his powers.
- The meteor gave Jefferson the following powers: super strength, super speed, the ability to fly, telekinesis, laser vision, x-ray vision, freezing breath, the ability to heal quickly, the power to talk to animals, and the power to make plants grow quickly. Oh, and he can also absorb everything in a book by touching it, but only for 30 seconds, which is probably one of the lamest powers ever created.
- There's actually a scene where Meteor Man clears out a vacant lot, plants grass seeds, using his meteor powers to make it rain, and grows a field of giant vegetables and tomatoes. All to the tunes of cool, light jazz. Ouch.
- There's also a scene where the lead villain and the Meteor Man both absorb a book about "ladies modeling" and they have a vogue-off. Yes, you can't make this stuff up.
- This was Don Cheadle's fifth movie, and isn't usually listed in his filmographies or bios. He sports a blond hairdo throughout the film, and chews up a fair amount of scenery.
- James Earl Jones stars as Earnest Moses, and is dressed in an oversized baseball jersey for the whole movie, and check out his high fade haircut. It's pretty embarrassing to watch the voice of Darth Vader try and imitate Radio Raheem from Do The Right Thing.
- Not that Bill Cosby was the greatest actor to grace the silver screen, but in this film he stars as a mostly mute homeless man (he barks at dogs near the end) who gets the same powers as Meteor Man, and comes to the triumphant rescue at the end of the flick.
- Robert Guillaume of Benson fame also stars as Jefferson's dad Ted, and Marla Gibbs, better known as Florence from The Jeffersons stars as his mom. In Up, Up, and Away, Marla stars again as his mom, and Sherman Helmsley (Mr. Jefferson) stars as his dad.
- Even LaWanda Page, better known as Aunt Esther from Sanford & Son makes an appearance as a sassy nurse. Townsend really enjoyed mining older TV shows to fill the roles in his projects.
- Eddie Griffin plays Jefferson's best friend Michael, although he actually chews up less scenery than usual. Since it was only his fifth film, he hadn't hit his wisecracking stride yet.
- Frank Gorshin, who played The Riddler on the old Batman tv show and Bele on Star Trek: The Original Series, portrays big baddie Byers, in probably one of the worst roles of his life. Sometimes, there is shame in taking a job for the paycheck.
- Sinbad and Luther Vandross both have small roles in the film, and you can imagine what the combined box office power of a comedian and a classic singer would have done, if only it had been marketed properly.
- Marvel Comics produced a six-issue limited series based on the movie, where Meteor Man encounter Spider-Man. Seriously, Meteor Man meets Spidey.
- Meteor Man could see through walls with his X-Ray vision, but for some reason when he looked at people, he could see through their clothes, but not their underwear. Behold the power of a PG rating! In the scene below, you can watch as Meteor Man battles a crackhouse full of underwear clad workers, unites the Crips and the Bloods, and grows the magic field. Endure it if you can.
Comments
Personally, I thought it was better than Blankman, considering even the best Townsend material kinda sucks. Leonard Part 6 on the other hand...
i liked it
i havent seen it in many moons though.
Robert Townsend was the 90s version of Dave Chapelle. Really funny comedian who just flamed out and disappeared near the height of his popularity.
Not me glassies!
My favorite part: how the meteor chases him down the street, cornering better than a Yugo and traveling almost as fast, in order to hit him.
This movie taught me to always take a chainsaw into the theater.
Owwwwwwwwwwww
Oh Grodd, that was a horrible flick. Comic book inspired movies should only be made by people who respect or at least have read comic books. And yeah, "Blankman" was even worse.
At least they tried to be funny, unlike Steel.
Awww... Townsend's heart was in the right place. And I know for a fact this movie helped pave the way for DC/Milestone.
Le sigh. I miss Icon.
I haven't seen this movie in years and the only thing I remember from it is his ability to know everything in a book just by touching the cover.
As a kid, everytime I had a test I wished I had that power. I probably should have studied more.
I remember really enjoying this movie as a kid. I dunno, I guess my bar for entertainment is fairly low.
I tolerate this movie only because of the scene where he's first seeing and hearing through walls and watches a man tell his children they should not have hooked up that "Hindendoo" to his TV set.
I feel like less of a human being, having watched that footage.
3 questions.
1. To be or not to be?
2. Is it better to burn out, than fade away?
3. Who is the better African-American male role model: Meteor Man or Shaft (Remember, I mean Positive and Constructive when I say role Model)?
Meteor Man meeting Spider-man, isn't THAT exciting; everybody who had a Marvel Comics back then met Spider-man. Ren & Stimpy met Spider-man. Seriously. [www.comics.org]
(And as an aside: the writer for that is Dan Slott, one of the current Spider-man writers; I wonder if they'll reprint THAT along with Brand New Day...)
This movie provides direct evidence as to why any superhero film involving a superhero who dons a suit composed of foam pectoral and abdominal muscle pads will always uberfail.
When he is shutting down the crackhouse, he isn't seeing through their clothes, they are just only wearing underwear.
Comment on Meteor Man: Biggest Waste Of Talent Ever I really enjoyed watching this as a kid in elementary school. It was a great family movie, this and House Guest.
@darundal: Which was a PG version of the nekkid chicks in New Jack City(?).
I think the reason Meteor Man had so many superpowers is that he was scooping them all up so that Blankman wouldn't have any.
OK, was that Biz Marke in the crack house scene, the guy from Cypress Hill in the shoot out, and Wesley Snipes in the crackhouse aftermath? Did Townsend have dirt on all of these people, or did he have A LOT of money to spread around? Also, I liked Griffen's "Janice" lines. Reminded me of his "Janet" lines from "The New Guy". You lookin' at my Janet?
@genehuntlover: That's like the Tyler Perry Paradox: He's a Black man producing money-making movies about Black people... but they are utter crap.
I enjoyed this when I was very young
It still boggles me that Cypress Hill agreed to star in this retina scratch of a film.
I think the film was sold as a movie where African-American kids could finally have a hero to look up to. Alas, if my memory serves me correct, it's Cypress Hill who turn up at the end to provide Meteorman with much needed support. That's Cypress Hill. Cypress Hill who keep the Dutch cannabis industry afloat.
@Git Em SteveDave: Yea. Biz, and B-Real. And even ashy larry. I'm glad someone else saw them too :D
@ceejeemcbeegee (just debatin' not hatin'): Indeed.
@EBone: Except that he was never a comedian. He was/is a comedic actor. Oh, and on best day of his life was never as funny as David Chapelle. In hindsight it's obviously the bulk of the humor in Hollywood Suffle came from Keenan Ivory Wayans and the pollyanna stuff came from Townsend.
@ceejeemcbeegee (just debatin' not hatin'): We do know what paves the road to hell, yes?
But I will confess, that "vogue off" was funny as hell and probably the best part of the movie.
Oh, the stupid, it burns!
People too dumb to shoot someone in his unprotected head. Even by accident.
"Congress voted against money for the public school system." Um . . . [MORBO] CONGRESS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY![/MORBO]
Frank Gorshin being the best actor in your cast.
Ay yi yi.
Does anybody remember Mystery Men. It came out in 1999.....Now that was a bad movie...lol!
this movie scared the piss out of me as a kid, because i didn't know what gangs were at the time (even though i lived on the border of one of chicago's poorest neighborhoods?). thus, i completely missed the point of the movie. which is underwear-vision.
oh, and at least gorshin still got one last great role (seriously): the grizzled old psychiatrist in 12 monkeys.
I was pretty disappointed in this because I loved Hollywood Shuffle, Townsend's first movie, which was all about how black people don't get decent parts in movies; it's all gangsters and pimps. After that movie did pretty well, Townsend got to do Meteor Man, complete creative control with a dream cast of African-American actors... and it was complete and utter shit. Spy magazine published a blurb about it to the effect that Townsend hired a bunch of his relatives for the movie, and they basically did nothing.
@superbryant88: Mystery Men comes off a lot better on DVD. My theory about cult movies is that most of them have great casts and scripts, but shitty directors that don't pace the material correctly, and that the hidden greatness of the script only comes out upon repeated viewings.
@ceejeemcbeegee (just debatin' not hatin'):
@genehuntlover:
I completely agree with both of you. He was trying to put something positive out there to balance out Boyz N the Hood and all the 90s copycat films that followed.
Hollywood Shuffle is still the best critique/ satire of Hollywood hands down. The Five Heart Beats was probably his only other project I completely dug.
His variety show on Fox was hilarious. He had Biz Markee refereeing a badminton match between MC Hammer and Sinbad.
@BlindKarma:
...Bobby, uh, Bobby I need a little more "black". You know, stick your ass out, pug the eyes, you know how they move...
I guess after all that time, they still wanted it to be more "black", and that's why we got Meteor Man.
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