io9
A massive battle-robot, piloted by Achilles (Gary Graham) flies up into space, only to get shot in the foot and crash back to Earth, in this amazing sequence from 1989's Robot Jox. Achilles' robot fighter then transforms into a massive tank to take the fight to his Russian attacker's four-legged war-machine. Achilles shoots Alexander's four-legged 'bot in the crotch, but then that same crotch opens to reveal a giant chainsaw, tearing into Achilles' cockpit. This is just one of the amazing scenes from what may be the greatest fighting robot movie of all time.
A massive battle-robot, piloted by Achilles (Gary Graham) flies up into space, only to get shot in the foot and crash back to Earth, in this amazing sequence from 1989's Robot Jox. Achilles' robot fighter then transforms into a massive tank to take the fight to his Russian attacker's four-legged war-machine. Achilles shoots Alexander's four-legged 'bot in the crotch, but then that same crotch opens to reveal a giant chainsaw, tearing into Achilles' cockpit. This is just one of the amazing scenes from what may be the greatest fighting robot movie of all time.
Directed by Stuart Gordon (Reanimator) and written by Gordon and Joe Haldeman, Jox takes place in a future postapocalyptic world, after some kind of nuclear cataclysm. The U.S. and Soviet Union, now called the Western Market and the Russian Confederation, no longer fight wars to settle their disputes. Instead, they send huge freaking robots into battle, to smack each other down until a victor is declared.
I love the way the battlesuits are depicted, with Alexander moving his actual hand to make the robot's hand reach down and overturn Achilles' tank. The giant robot effects are entirely done using models and stop-motion animation, but they look way better than a lot of CGI I've seen. In particular, you can actually see the fighting robot transforming into a tank — unlike in Michael Bay's Transformers, where the transformations were always so blurry and disjointed that you couldn't make out what was happening. Thanks to everyone who recommended Robot Jox to me — it really is an instant classic.
Comments
I am officially terrified of robotic penises now .
I never saw the movie but I remember seeing the trailer on TV where the Russian points to his head and tells the American in his thick Russian accent, "I have already beaten you - up here". I still use that line whenever I'm playing Madden with my brother.
Interesting the whole "lack of burning to a cinder on reentry" thing...
Oh come on now "Robot Jox" totally sucked!
But I loved it anyway... lol
Hah, thats freaking awesome! It does look pretty good actually, a lot better than the 'dress up some crappy actor in a cardboard box' type robot fighting.
Either way, I'll take Transformers anyday.
A golden turd! I loved this POS! When does the Blu Ray come out?
The beginning of the end of Stuart Gordon being able to be taken seriously as a filmmaker.
Awful. But not awful enough to be fun.
golden turd indeed! i watched this multiple times as a kid. also: you said crotch... and cockpit... huh huh
IIRC, there was another movie very similar to this one. They used to play on Cinemax and HBO every now and then, and I would catch bits and pieces of them. Good movies.
I remember this movie. Heavy on the cold war feel. US vs Ruskies in big ass robots.
Crotch-grab flip works everytime.
@Git Em SteveDave: It was called Robot Wars and was apparently the sequel to this film. [en.wikipedia.org])
This has been a long-time favorite of mine. I lost track of it somewhere in high school, but I found the VHS at a buddy's house. The next day I took it to work and converted it to DVD. I've already watched it 4 times!
Also the chick was hot in that 80s Lisa Turtle kind of way.
Trust me, those 4 minutes are the only worth of your time. Those and the intro when he accidently kill thousand of people watching the combat :) link below.
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I've watched and nearly bought Robot Wars... i'm sorry to say that this might be by far the worse giant robot fighting movie ever made. I could barely watch it.
One general critic for both of them, Giant robot Rulez, but not when there is a love story between the person driving them :)
But i'll add that Robotjox got one of the cheeziest ending ever made, it's so funny!!! Sunset and streetsign-in-the-face-swigging ahead!!!
one of my favorite movies as a kid. Was what got me into mechwarrior.
hahah ohhh...what the fudge
I loved this movie when I was younger.
Does anybody remember a movie that would have been on HBO around the same time where there was a Galactic UFC tournament with one human in it?
Fun Fact of the day!!
When Achilles crashes into the public stands there is a sound clip of screaming that is supposedly used by Trent Reznor in the composition "The Becoming?" from the album "Downward Spiral". RobotJox Rox the Cox for ever
@Log1c: I'm with you on the Transformers thing.
Hey, no sound in space!
Wow...was there something wrong with the audio in that clip or did the sound editor just hardcore suck?
Robot Jox was surprisingly good! It was co-written by Joe Haldeman, author of the classic sci-fi novel The Forever War.
Did that giant robot transform into a tank, or it just scooting around on it's ass like a dog?
@Tiwa: It was obviously the clip. Froze half way through and was way out of sync from then on.
When you said it transformed into a tank, I was thinking more like Tranformers or Power Rangers. I wasn't expecting it to just sit upright and roll around on it's legs. It looked awkward. But I agree with you in that Michael Bay made his transformations blurry.
Michael Bay's transformations: Vehicle + mess of colour and sound = Robot.
I like the slightly slower, methodical transformations of the television series, especially Beast Wars (Beasties in Canada).
I went to youtube to search for an example, and surprise, the entire first episode is online.
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Who knows how many more are there.
@Bluecell: Agreed. Michael Bay's Tranformers =
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What C*ap.
Awesome-bad, I can see. It makes me nostalgic for an old show called Robotech. I loved that show.
remember thinking this movie was awesome when i was in middle school (had, and still have a thing for bad sci-fi movies).
now watching it, all i can think is "power rangers."
crap.
@Ultrajosua: You knew what was going to happen to the bleacher creatures as soon as you saw the cute blonde kid w/the teddy bear. No wonder he quit that job and became a cop who then got partnered w/ a slag.
Better than...MEGA MAID???
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Legendary.
My brother and I used to get this all the time from the local video rental when we were kids. Absolutely the best kind of awful film. Definitely one of the sources of my love for all things giant and robotic.
I remember being very confused by 'Crash and Burn' which had a similar cover and I think was promoted in the shop as a sequel but seemed to be nothing to do with Robot Jox.
I think you might be right, actually.
How does it end how does it END????
:)
I saw this movie years ago. I remember renting it on VHS. When my brother and I came home from the video store my mom asked us what movie we rented. When I told her, she laughed at us because she thought I said "Robot Jocks".
Oh God. This movie was so bad that words cannot describe the epic suckage.
Still, no sound in space was a good touch.
All this, and no mention of Anne-Marie Johnson's nubile nude scene? It's short, yes, but worth the rental in my book.
@N3v3r.kNows.b3st.: You weren't before?
wow! Entire universes of cheesy stuff i missed being an old poot.. Thank god it's too late to play catch up..
@hakubak:
NUDE SCENE?? Holy crap, I'm sure my addled 9-year-old brain would've remembered that.
Ahh, good ol' robot face-sex.
Add me to the list of people that loved this as a kid.
Golden Turd, indeed.
@BlindKarma:
That would be Arena, I believe.
[en.wikipedia.org])
Judgement..... I seek.... Judgement!
Classic trash megarobot exploitation.
I have both on DVD. I'm sad.
Robot Jox was total garbage, Joe Haldeman or not.
The fault was not the plot or dialog, it was the "acting" perpetrated by the "actors".
The final scene with achilles and alexander, sans mechs, rolling around in the sand, is actually painful to watch, and not in a good "oo that'll leave a mark" kind of way, either.
A rental for the stop-motion at beginning and end, and otherwise the DVD will make a lovely dream-catcher hanging from your rear-view mirror.
One of the worst movies ever made...that being said, one of my absolute favorite movies as a kid. Any time there is space + robots I'm a happy camper. Nice find!
@Plague: When did anyone ever take Stuart Gordon seriously as a filmmaker?
Oh man I have this on DVD. I remember seeing this as a kid in the movies and absolutely loving it.
Of course, it doesn't hold up as well now, but it's still enjoyable.
Plus, it's got one of the best lines EVER! "I kill you DEAD!"
@af607105: If you caught it on most TV stations, you saw the edited version. I saw it on VHS.
I'm talking about a brief locker-room scene. It could easily have been cut without impacting the story. Then again, that describes more than 90% of this movie.
YESSS!!! I loved this movie when I saw it. I think I watched it right after the Captain America movie, though, so my taste was well tainted.
@braak:
His first two, smartass. Brash, original, over the top attitude...
Egad, according to IMDB there is a sequal Robot Jox 2: Robot Wars. Anyone see this? I bet it is 150% more roboty!
Are those....origami animals on his dashboard? Methinks I see a frog.
@braak: He also made Fortress... which wasn't that bad.
I wish more Robot Jox movies had been made.
@Plague: I'm just saying...two movies at the beginning of his career...I'm not sure that's enough to start taking him seriously in the first place.
@Wynt3r: Yes, the guy who develops the weapons is also a origami person, and decorates the various things in the cockpit w/ them. I think there is a secret one that Sykes uses towards the end based on the origami sun placed on it.
@braak:
Okay, I get your drift there. How about "promising" then?
@Plague: "Promising" I'm cool with.
Robot Jox was great back in the day. One of the best pre-Power Rangers / Voltron rip-offs.
i remember seen a trailer for that, years ago, but had forgotten the name of the film. cheeers io9.. i can rest in piece now and watch(its prob crap) it. :)
I like how they use wired Wii remotes to pilot them.
Definitely at the top of my list for guilty-pleasures...
The cockpit treadmill/robot-leg control always bugged me though.
That Ruskie can shoot damn fine in space, but he couldn't hit a slow moving tank ten yards in front of him?