Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Starship Troopers 3 may finally show us a glimpse of the powered armor Heinlein talks about in the novel — but we'll get our real power armor fix from the G.I. Joe movie, coming in 2009. I haven't been sure whether Joe really counted as science fiction, but a new script review gives plenty of reasons to accept it as belonging to the genre, including armor with invisibility powers, miraculous nano-technology, and super-soldiers created by a mad scientist. The costumes may look a bit Batman And Robin-esque (power-armor-breasts!) but the storyline sounds awesomely pulpy enough for ten sawmills. Spoilers, and a gallery, below.

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Power-Armor Vs. Nano-Tech Super Soldiers, In G.I. Joe

Here's the movie's premise: the G.I. Joe team, led by Duke (Channing Tatum), fights for freedom wherever there is trouble. And their arch nemesis is Cobra Commander and his Cobra Force. The movie is based on a Hasbro line of toys, but also on a comic-book series from the 1980s, which had the Joe squad working out of "The Pit."

CC2K has an early review of the movie's script, and apparently it includes:

  • "Accelerator suits," which allow the G.I. Joe squad to run faster, jump super-high, smash through walls, and shrug off bullets.
  • A "nano-bomb" that the Cobra Commander wants to launch — which launches a swarm of nanites that eat all of the buildings and machinery, without harming any of the people. (And how do the nanites know when to stop eating all the non-organic matter? Will this be explained at all?)
  • The Neo-Vipers, super-soldiers enhanced by nanotech, so they can't feel pain or remorse. (And maybe they can actually regenerate from injuries? It's not clear.) A mad scientist, known only as the Doctor, creates these soldiers for Destro, who's horribly disfigured after a fight with Duke. Destro wears a mask made out of nanotechnology, which allows the Doctor, aka Commander, to control his mind.
  • hawt babe Scarlett (Rachel Nichols, see pic above) who is a virgin, despite wearing breast-exaggerating armor (which can turn invisible.) Marlon Wayans' wacky sidekick character Ripcord has the hots for Scarlett, who says she'll date him if he can shoot her on an obstacle course. He fails to hit her, and later realizes he was actually shooting real arrows instead of "training arrows." Also, Dennis Quaid plays "Hawk," their leader, and The Rock is rumored to play Shipwreck, another one of the good guys.
  • a weird backstory involving a romance between Channing Tatum's Duke and Sienna Miller's evil Baroness. They almost got married, and now she's a Nazi or something. The Baroness says things like, "Deep down, you're still the man I fell in love with." And "Do it, Duke. You've already killed me once."
  • futuristic killer ninjas, as we already mentioned a while back. [CinCity2000]