Won't somebody think of the bullied kids? They're everywhere, including several of this summer's biggest movies. Everywhere you look, kids are roughed up, getting robbed of their lunch money, having their car keys tossed in a sewer (in Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem). Even Shia got hassled by jocks in last summer's Transformers. Luckily, there's almost always a superhuman being who befriends this poor downtrodden kid. Put yourself in the flying shoes of this alien/mutant demigod for a moment. How would you help this underdeveloped child best these bigger, meaner tormentors?

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Send an email to Charlie Jane Anders, the author of this post, at charliejane@io9.com.