Aug 14, 2008 04:01 PM
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San Francisco, 4:51 AM
Wed Feb 10
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They found Bigfoot! That's right, you heard me: Bigfoot. For all you disbelievers, they have a picture to prove it as well. No, that's not the remnants of a bear with a gorilla mask thrown on top, that's Bigfoot. Tomorrow, there will be a huge press conference deciding finally whether or not it actually is a mutant sasquatch, when it clearly is. But no one is asking the important questions here. What about Bigfoot's rights? And where the hell are the Hendersons in all of this? Click through for a closer look and the big question that will hopefully be addressed tomorrow.
According to the press release the creature that was discovered is 7 feet and 7 inches tall, and weighs 500 pounds. His feet are flat and it was found in the Northern woods of Georgia. (Actual location isn't being revealed).
First and foremost what about Bigfoot's rights? Is he man or beast? If he's a man doesn't he get burial rights?
Where do you bury Bigfoot? I've heard he's Canadian. If he is, in fact, of Canadian origin, that's a ton of paperwork his loved ones will have to go to to transfer the body through the border while deciding if it's animal remains or human remains. I know I've been on the phone trying to get to the bottom of this question with the Canadian embassy for some time. Also, if he's Canadian, how did he get so far from home?
What if he has no one to claim his remains, will he become a burden of the state? Will the United States government try and find his lineage? It saddens me thinking of Bigfoot in one of those standard government style burials. This is fucking Bigfoot people, show a little respect.
Here are the gentleman that discovered the gentle beast. From the left, Mathew Whitton, Tom Biscardi, and Rick Dyer gather round a cooler full of Bigfoot.
I'll be covering the all-important Bigfoot press conference tomorrow at 12 PM Pacific Coast Time. At the conference they will be revealing pictures and DNA evidence. Hopefully they will reveal the DNA evidence like Maury's "who's your daddy" episodes.
So stay tuned and hopefully they will be able to answer all of my questions tomorrow, as opposed to the "you'll have to wait" comment I got earlier.
[Searching For Bigfoot]
Send an email to Meredith, the author of this post, at meredith@io9.com.
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