Aug 30, 2008 12:00 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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We've given it a lot of thought, and come up with the only possible explanation for why The Dark Knight was such a big hit: The Bat-Pod. From Easy Rider to Ghost Rider, theatergoers have been going wild about tight butts on hot hogs for years, and Batman's sweet ride is just the latest to make those cash registers sing. With that in mind, we'd like to suggest five more motorcycles that Hollywood should consider taking a(nother) look at.
Street Hawk: Few people remember Street Hawk, which tried to do for motorcycles what Knight Rider had done for cars and Airwolf had done for helicopters and Ernest Borgnine's career; namely, make them both cool and an indestructible force against crime. The 1985 show only lasted 13 episodes, but nonetheless introduced a whole generation of children to the idea that any motorbike that could shoot things and go up to 300mph was really awesome, even if it was ridden by someone called "Jesse Mach". It also introduced a whole generation of children to Tangerine Dream, who did the opening theme music, but that's not quite as cool.
Super-Cycle: Okay, so the Forever People's Super-Cycle may have three wheels, but it also had a few other things on its side: The ability to fly, for one. The ability to turn intangible and invisible, for another. And then there was that whole "being able to fly, and also transform into a protective shield for its owner" thing. Oh, and the fact that it could create a Boom Tube to travel anywhere within the known universe was pretty cool, as well. In fact, only one thing stops the Super-Cycle from being the most awesome bike ever created: the fact that it was revealed to be alive, then had sex with another Super-Cycle before retiring to take care of its baby cycle, Kirby. And, no, I only wish that I was making that last part up.
Condor: For fans of the mid-80s toyline MASK, there was only one character you really wanted to be: Brad Turner. Brad had it all - He was a rockstar, hill-climber (I love that that was part of his bio back then; was hill-climbing cool in the 80s and I missed it?), part-time pilot and, most important of all, the owner of Condor, a bright-green bike that turned into a helicopter... or, at least, a helicopter-esque bike. It was the kind of thing that made your crime-fighting a little easier, if a little less subtle. But then, when you're into the rockstar, hill-climbing life, who wants subtle?
Lawmaster: Judge Dredd's bike may, technically, have already made it to the silver screen in 1995's Sylvester Stallone vehicle but pretending that that movie doesn't exist hasn't steered me wrong yet, so why stop now? And the quality of any movie shouldn't be held against a bike as beautiful as the Lawmaster, which not only has a turbo boost strong enough to propel it into the air for however long the plot demands, but also boasts a laser, twin machine guns, a stun-gas-grenade launcher and AI autopilot amongst its hidden features. It even comes with its own CB radio... but then, it was created in 1977.
Speeder Bike: There may have been no wheels to speak of on these babies, but if any one of you pretends that you didn't want to ride one when you saw Return Of The Jedi as a kid, then you're lying. Not only was the speeder bike chase the best part of the movie, it was almost the only good part altogether... yet it was so good that it made you want to sit through all the Jabba and Ewok stuff just to see it again.
Admit it; if Death Race had featured these five bikes, it would've been a box office smash.
Send an email to Graeme McMillan, the author of this post, at graeme@io9.com.
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