Nov 2, 2008 10:00 AM
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San Francisco, 1:04 AM
Wed Feb 10
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I know, I know; you can't decide whether to go for McCain or Obama, and you're thinking of just skipping this whole "election" thing altogether. But wait - have you thought about all of the other candidates for President of the United States? I'm not talking about Ralph Nader - he's got no chance - but instead the various science fictional candidates who'd like your write-in vote on Tuesday. We've got a guide to ten(ish - You'll see) that you should consider.
Kirk Spock 08: They've saved the Earth countless times in the future, so why not let them save America from its current economic disaster? On the downside, they might end up being busy with that whole "big movie coming out in May" thing they have going on.
The Entire Star Wars Universe 08: Obviously, the political hi-jinks of the prequel trilogy wasn't enough for the children of George Lucas; look at how many Star Wars characters are itching to get into the political arena. I have to admit; I'd consider voting for Ackbar. At least he'd tell you if you were heading into a trap or not.
Roslin 08/Tigh/Roslin 08/Roslin/Airlock 08: Apparently, people really, really want to make sure that Laura Roslin gets into office, no matter which office or who her running mate is. Sure, she has that moral compass thing going on, but still; she tends to surround herself with a lot of Cylons. Can America afford a leader who associates herself with evil killing machines? I think not.
Conan/Swamp Thing 08:Strong on defense and strong on the environment. Combining traditional conservative and liberal views on one ticket may make them unstoppable... All we need now is for Swamp Thing to prove that he has no history of drug use - or, more accurately, growing drugs on his own body - and they may be a lock for the White House.
Colbert/Marvel Universe 08: The joke may be over on Stephen Colbert's own show, but that hasn't stopped Marvel Comics running it into the ground in their line - climaxing (we hope) with Colbert teaming up with Spider-Man to fight a bear two weeks ago.
Doctor Doom 08: You have to admit, it's refreshing to see a candidate not give any false hope during his campaign. No, Doom offers just one promise to voters: That we shall all one day face the iron hand of Doom. Also, just imagine how awesome the press conferences would be: "What does Doom think of the falling interest rates? Silence, whelp! Doom cares not about your impudent question!"
Tony Stark 08: Six words: Robert Downey Jr. Running Our Country. Surely that's all you need to know, right?
Reynolds/Washburn 08: Technically, yes, the VP nom is dead. But that never stopped Charles Fairbanks, the famous zombie vice president from the beginning of the 20th Century. And if too many voters complain, Zoe could just take over, and they wouldn't have to change any of the buttons.
Cthulhu 08: Sure, his website isn't incredibly exciting, but he's an elder god - He has more trouble with today's technology than John McCain (Yeah, like you weren't seeing that joke coming from a mile off).
Zod 08: Easily our favorite, based solely on his kneeling before platform and the fact that he would happily kill us with his heat vision if we didn't endorse him. Some may complain about the fact that he wasn't born on American soil, but his claim that America will become the basis for a new Krypton provides a handy side-step to that question. Remember: Vote early, vote often, vote Zod.
Send an email to Graeme McMillan, the author of this post, at graeme@io9.com.
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