True Blood Gives Us A Vampire-Killing Tutorial

This week on True Blood, even more hell broke loose and we learned what happens to our vampy friends when they get staked. It's a brilliant mix of vomit and blood that only True Blood knows how to deliver. Also we had a heart to heart with friendly old gay vamp Eddie, played by Stephen Root, and discovered that even vampires can be lonely. But the most startling reveal came in canine form.

This week, sweet yippie Amy starts to unravel and dumb-as-rocks Jason shows us all that he isn't just a sister-slapping jerkface. Eddie sits little Jason down and teaches him a few things about being a man. I hope Root stays on forever, as I just adore his character and he's probably the only fleshed out character in the mix (surprising, since he has such a small part). But more importantly, we got to see Sam all were-collied out when he ends up sprawled naked on the foot of Sookie's bed (well, Bill's bed, really).

Pro: So that's how vampires die in True Blood — by vomiting blood all over the place. I like that it had the "if you're going to vomit, then I'm going to vomit" effect. Longshadow was lame, and I'm glad he was sacrificed to bring us this gory mess.

Pro: Eric has totally beefed up this episode, or he's wearing tinier tank tops? Either way he's so much more interesting this time around. He's doing a great job at acting intimidating. Way to go, pal! He almost lost it on the "not me" comment for denying having the chills, but the rest of the tough guy act was pretty good.

Pro: Jason and Amy end up having sex literally five feet away from the vampire that they kidnapped and drained (Eddie). Pretty on par for drug addicts.

Pro: Amy doesn't think the vampire is a person. YAY for bending your ideals to suit your immediate needs — yippie logic at its finest.

Pro: Bill playing video-game golf is kind of hilarious and makes a lot of sense. I wish that Eric had joined him.

Pro: Eddie's vampire story it's really honest. Stephen Root is amazing fantastic in this mix and totally sells his back story. Also props for the "she's far more dangerous than I could ever be," comment about Amy. All of a sudden, I'm interested in Amy and realize she may be worth more than the breast quota TB needs to fill each episode.

Pro: Eric passes out "flyers" for Fangtastia, hilarious. Hey, even viking vamps gotta make a living.

Pro: Sookie goes to Bill's house to sleep because it's safe — what a moron and totally in line with the "desperate little girl in love and acting a fool" direction that her character is taking.

Con: Poor Tina........ who is Tina? Oh the cat...right a cat. She had a cat, I vaguely remember this. Would have been cooler if they had done it Fatal Attraction style. But yeah that sucks.

Con: Sam wants to be BF/GF with Tara still? Ugh he's a liar. You know he would dump her the second Sookie looked twice at him.

Con: Underwater sex in the make believe forests of our minds looked ridiculous and silly. It was not needed. What happened to the almost having light sex stuff? That wasn't so awful, or at least this bad.

Con: Sookie's goodbye with Bill — I was neither upset nor worried. Go kill whatever it is you need to kill Bill, then come back, how is it possible that I am tired of these two already?

And finally, we get to see Sam as the shape shifter or were-collie. Not only was it fulfilling, but I love that he ends up naked in Bill's bed next to Sookie. Can't wait for next week where she ends up being more attracted to him now that he's "special." Because you know she didn't give a second thought to poor Sam when he was a mere mortal.

Send an email to Meredith, the author of this post, at meredith@io9.com.

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