Nov 25, 2008 07:00 AM
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San Francisco, 3:40 AM
Wed Feb 10
25 posts in the last 24 hours
I thought we had all moved on from talking about crappy vampires. I was ready to leave our Twilight past in the past, and focus on better bloodsuckers. But you just won't let me will you Hollywood? Stills from the brand-new Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans have emerged and oh my god are they a desperate attempt to medieval up some vampires by giving them swords and pleather body armor.
You know what was the only cool thing about the original Underworld? Kate Beckinsale, and no amount of armored horses and Rhona Mitras will change that.
Don't get me wrong: I loved Rhona Mitra in Doomsday, but her fake muscled attire and ridiculous sword-wielding ways in Underworld 3 are cringeworthy bad. This is not the vampire movie I want to see, where city vamps kick ass alongside their secret sect of fang friends. Or where vamps fall into forbidden love under the mean streets of the city.
But Underworld 3 delivers none of that. Instead we go trotting about to the drums of war with a poor man's Beckinsale. Medieval vampires are in no way shape or form cool - JRR Tolkein invented elves and orcs to fill up this whole Middle Ages fantasy need. Vampires have no place starring in an all-out Arthurian period piece
The third Underworld takes place in the heart of the werewolf uprising against the vampire people. The film will be released on January 23 next year.
Send an email to Meredith, the author of this post, at meredith@io9.com.
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