Inappropriate Erections And Crazy Skulls In Land Of The Lost

Will the Will Ferrell Land Of The Lost movie be dopey? All signs point to yes. Plus deadly spoilers for Star Trek, Lost, Thor, Dollhouse, Doctor Who, Heroes and Sarah Connor!

Star Trek:

Here's a new banner that shows all of the Enterprise crew looking gritty and grayscale. Woo! Grayscale! It's bigger at the link. [MTV]

Inappropriate Erections And Crazy Skulls In Land Of The LostS

Land Of The Lost:

We've read a bunch of script pages, and the biggest surprise is that Ferrell is the straight man.

We start out with a scene where a future astronaut on a world with two moons gets chomped by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Then we meet Rick Marshall (Ferrell), a scientist who's developed a theory of "quantum paleology." He claims that because time travel is possible, we'll never run out of fossil fuels. We first meet him on Anderson Cooper's CNN show, on a panel with Stephen Hawking and other science bigwigs. Marshall claims to have found a Hello Kitty keychain in an ancient fossil, and he's plugging his book, My Other Car Is A Time Machine. The other scientists, including Hawking, laugh at him, and he wigs out.

Four years later, Ferrell is stuck working as a park ranger at the La Brea Tar Pits, doing a crappy routine to amuse fifth graders. (Like he says, "Science can be hair raising" and touches a Van De Graaf generator, which gives him a giant shock that he feels in his groin.) The kids are mean to him, and accuse his mom of being a slutty cocksucker, and when he tries to get his own back, they burn him. Later, he gets into a fight with his boss, Abe, who says if he screws up this job, he'll be lucky to get a job in a dry-cleaning lab. He's stuck dickering with some woman over her parking validation.

Meanwhile, we also meet Holly Cantrell (Anna Friel) a sassy British scientist. Two of those fifth-graders spit in the tar pits which she's excavating, and she grabs them and almost tosses them in. And then it sounds like we get a slow-mo shot of her walking sexily out of the tar. She tries to get Marshall's attention, but he's busy being an oaf.

I mentioned Ferrell's character is sort of the straight man. That's because he's paired with uber-dick Will Stanton (Danny R. McBride from Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express). It's a typical Ferrell pairing, like in the skating movie and that other movie. In this case, Stanton is clearly dumber than Marshall, and more of a broad comic figure. We first meet Stanton when he's confronted by some of those fifth graders, whom he sold bad fireworks to. He threatens to go all Special Forces on them, but his moves are not that impressive, and then he says he's got a trained sniper with a lewd tattoo aiming at them. They throw rocks at his double-wide trailer.

Jumping forward, Rick, Holly and Will all end up in the Land of the Lost. Holly ties her shirt at her midriff, and Will follows suit. Will keeps claiming that all of this is his property. And then they see three Pakuni, or ape people, carrying a tied-up ape-boy, who turns out to be Chaka. Holly starts analyzing their saggital crests and talking about Austrolopithecus, but Will says he won't allow her to ruin his big moment, because he's wanted to see Bigfoot forever. That leads to this great exchange:

WILL: I have waited my whole life to see the mighty Bigfoot.
RICK: Are you touching yourself?
HOLLY: (Gasps) Marshall!
(The Pakuni throw Chaka down on a ceremonial stone and prepare to sacrifice him with a stone knife.)
RICK: Oh my God! — (Excited) Tool construction! Tool construction!
WILL: (Gesturing at his crotch.) Let's just be adults and call it an erection.Yes, I got excited.

They decide to save Chaka from the other Pakuni, but then the bumbling Will ruins everything by trying to scare them with the "power of fire." (A pocket lighter with an obscene sillhouette on it.) The Pakuni manage to get hold of Will's lighter and run off. The attempts to befriend Chaka don't go that well at first. Holly puts Chaka's hand on her chest and says her name, and Chaka takes the opportunity to grope her breast. Then Will takes the opportunity to grope Holly's breast as well. Then Rick tries to be more serious and treat Chaka's injury, and Chaka runs off.

And then at some point, they meet the Sleestak, plus Enik, the Altrusian guy. They make friends with Enik, and then Holly is taken prisoner. Rick and Will disguise themselves in Sleestak skins to go rescue Holly. Holly's in a cage, and Will says usually when women dance in cages, it's sexy, but this isn't all that sexy. But it's still sort of sexy, he adds.

Holly is put before a council of skulls, which accuse her of being an ally of the cursed Enik. Marshall steps forward and says they're all friends of Enik, totally on the same wavelength, Enik and them are like this. But then the lead skull tells them that Enik wiped out an entire civilization, and he was imprisoned here, in the far future, and sentenced to wear a dorky tunic for his crimes. Marshall is stunned. Then the Sleestak attack, and Will and Marshall manage to defeat them, using Holly's cage to knock them over. Will tries hitting one of the Sleestak in the nuts, but it's "like sand paper."

Holly and Marshall say that they have to stop Enik, because with the "Pylons" at his command, he'll be invincible. At least they have the element of surprise — but no, because Will and Marshall sent Chaka to fetch Enik. And he shows up and acts evil. Enik taunts the skulls: "You're even whinier now than you were 300 million years ago, you know that? I'm glad I killed you." The skulls are all like, "Dude, that's harsh."

And then in the last scene, Rick and Holly are back at the Tar Pits, and a woman comes up to Rick asking about validation. (For her parking.) Ferrell says, "No thanks, I've found mine already." Rick leaves three real dinosaur eggs in the pits' dinosaur diorama, and says the best part is nobody will ever know what they have. He and Holly walk off, talking about investigating off-the-chart tachyon readings in Atlantic City. As they leave, a small boy notices one of the eggs is hatching. OMG! But it's not a dinosaur egg after all... it's a Sleestak egg. The end. [SpoilerTV-Movies]

Thor:

The Thor movie is a huge, motherhonking massive epic saga, with a human story at its center, says director Kenneth Branagh. And he says the movie is about "one of the immortals, Gods, extraordinary beings, inter-dimensional creatures. There’s science fiction and science fact and fantasy all woven into one. It’s based on Norse legends which Marvel sort of raided in a brilliant way." [MTV]

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button:

Here's a new TV spot.

Dollhouse:

Eliza Dushku dropped a few more hints about what to expect from her character, Echo. She sings a capella in one episode, where she auditions to be a back-up singer for a big pop star. (She sings a gospel number.) And in another episode, she's a fancy business woman with an up-do. Meanwhile, Jane Espenson mentions she's writing the 11th episode of the season, out of 13 total. (Somehow I thought there were only nine? In any case, yay for Espenson script!) [Sci Fi Wire and Sci Fi Wire]

And apparently Espenson's episode is called "Briar Rose," and it features a deeply troubled 11 year old named Susan. [SpoilerTV]

Doctor Who:

Woot. New trailer! A few new clips, mostly of Cybermen being Cyber. [Adventures Through Time And Space]

Lost:

Inappropriate Erections And Crazy Skulls In Land Of The LostS

Some more filming news. Someone visited the buildings that stand in for Othersville, and then came back a couple days later. Those same buildings were looking a lot dirtier and had apparent fire damage, as if a lot of time was supposed to have passed. Meanwhile, on the right is a picture of that wooden prop that the Dharma people were supposedly building. Someone a missile-like contraption being lowered into the manhole at the structure's center. Meanwhile, there was a shoot at the Omega Station, and observers believe both Horace Goodspeed and Radzinsky will be back in episode 5x08. [Hawaii Weblog and The ODI]

And here are some upcoming episode titles:

Episode 5.08 - LeFleur (Airs: 11th March 2009)
Episode 5.09 - Namaste (Airs: 18th March 2009)
Episode 5.10 - He's Our You (Airs: 25th March 2009)

[SpoilersLost]

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:

Later this season, we'll finally learn what happened to Derek in that basement he got dragged into in the future, back in season one. And it sounds like it has something to do with the way Derek and Cameron know each other. And a big piece of the mystery will be revealed in the next couple of episodes (in February.) [TV Guide]

Heroes:

Episode 3x21, which is deep into the "Fugitives" storyline, features a brilliant technician, who's responsible for monitoring classified information. [SpoilerTV]

Kyle XY:

Here's a clip from season three, episode one. OMG do you think Latnok took Amanda? Or maybe she just went to the afterparty on her own. [Teaser-Trailer]


Additional reporting by Katharine Duckett.