Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Even as Heroes goes on hiatus for the winter, the show's webisodes are cranking up. The Postman will be a hard act to follow, but I think we may have a winner with The Recruit.

Chapter 1: Private Mills

A seecrat government corporation gets a bunch o' young marine types to volunteer for the secret serum — no, not that "secret serum," get your head out of the gutter! This stuff gives you special abilities, so they can hunt the Heroes, which is fine by me. Kill them all dead, please. The experiments happened at Pinehurst and created what look like a super secret-strong army of guys who like to wrestle and do other manly things, like push-ups.

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Uh oh, looks like Private Mills just can't get enough of that serum, and she's in trouble with Angela Petrelli now. Angela has to mind-sex her up, to find out what she knows. Private Mills reacts to Angela's touch and sheds a tear. Just one tear, Mills, just one. Don't let her back in!

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Cut to a flashback, where we Mills stealing the "broken" serum that Angela was mind-sexin' her about, with "girls are dumb" boy and a poor man's Matt Damon buzz cut, who is for some reason shirtless. Already I can tell Buzzcut loves Mills so much it twists his soul even to hear her name spoken aloud. "Mills," the wind whispers to him, as the other boy chirps about how girls are dumb. Oh, and they're all sweaty.

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Oh noes, there's a splosion, and "girls are stupid" boy disappears under rubble or something. Buzzcut is injured on his legs and Mills comes to his aid. "I love you," she whispers. "I heard your soul calling my own from across this world and came to it. We are all each other has in this collapsing apocalyptic society obsessed with money and food. Let's leave this place and move to the wilderness of Montana and raise a family, teaching them the ways of the wild. We'll read to them from Emerson and Whitman and live free of the shackles of society." She didn't actually say that, but Buzzcut did sneak a peek at her rack while she hovered over him, and I think her norks whispered "Mills" to him.

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Presto chango — Mills misses getting smashed to bits, by teleporting across the room. Buzzcut and Mills both appear to be shocked by her new power. Buzzcut looks bewildered, and Mills calls him David.

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

End Scene.

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My LifeS

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Heroes Webisode Mind-Sexes Recruits, And Steals 4 Minutes Of My Life

Above are a bunch of stills from the webseries. Looks like they are building a Hero-hunting squad thanks to Private Mills, but what will her almost-lover do now that he knows she's a "special?" I'm sure we'll find out, one way or another.

Watch the full episode over at NBC.