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The Star Trek trailer caused a stir when it showed Uhura taking her top off. But a legion of Trek pornographers have explored much further, as our roundup of clips and pics prove. NSFW, natch.
The first Star Trek porn probably sprang into existence five minutes after "The Man Trap" finished airing. But it wasn't until the early 1970s that legions of women started writing text stories about Kirk and Spock hooking up. These k/s slash fictions became the subject of newspaper articles and academic papers, and helped to pioneer the whole genre of gay slash. (According to Wikipedia, the first k/s fiction was in 1974.)
There were Trek porn comics by the late 1970s, if not earlier, but most of them were pretty awful, that I've seen anyway. But these comics, with titles like Sperm Trek, received a shot in the arm with the launch of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which gave rise to a whole new batch of comics featuring Counselor Troi and Data getting it on. The creation of TNG also finally gave us our first X-rated Trek movie.
This was Sex Trek: The Next Penetration, in 1990. It features a cast of "name" porn actors, including Jeanna Fine, Randy Spears and Peter North. And it's fairly big budget, as porn movies go. It even has a plot, sort of: the crew visits the planet Uranus, which is populated by the Assholes, a race of beautiful but awful-smelling women. (Yes, it's really that bad.) And they have to compete with a guy who looks sort of like the Mugatu for control over the planet's resources. Despite the "Next Penetration" thing, it's pretty much just an original Trek parody.
And it's pretty awful stuff. For some reason, apart from the very start and very end of the video, the crew is in really ugly civilian clothes. Here's a bit where Spears tries to do his best Shatner impression, with... gaps... between... the... words, while two of his female crew members are under some kind of mind control that makes them lick each other.
This film did well enough, during Trek's boom years, to spawn four sequels, with great titles like The Search For Sperm, The Wrath Of Bob and Deep Space Sex. In spite of the movie-inspired title, The Search For Sperm is actually a knock-off of the episode "Spock's Brain," in which a beautiful woman comes aboard the Entercourse and freezes the crew, taking the time to grope them all. But instead of stealing Spock's brain, she steals his... do I really have to spell it out? Here are a few random snippets, involving the hawt bikini clad woman and her idea of "obedience collars." (Update: I improved the "Search For Sperm" video, with some better editing and a bit more stuff.)
A gallery of random porn images, including comics covers, and images from the XXX movies including box covers (but nothing too hardcore), is here.
Liz and Laura Henry, two sisters, founded alt.sex.fetish.startrek in June 1994. Recalls Liz:
Well, we were watching DS9. We thought it would be funny and geeky, and we wanted to see if anyone else would post. And which characters they fantasized about... The first posts were overwhelmingly people arguing about whether Crusher or Troi were hotter (or, were hot at all.) I was posting about Kira and my sister favored Gul Dukat.
A typical post went:
PICTURE THIS : Quark on a 3-day cocaine binge, furiously rubbing his ears as Odo, owing a favor to Quark, Transforms himself into a 12 year old virgin.
There were also Data fic, and furious debates over whether Holodeck fantasies could count as rape. Also, joyful fantasies of mud-wrestling with Tasha Yar and Major Kira!
A second porn DVD series, Pornstar Trek, launched in the 1990s, featuring titles like Deep Space Sixty Nine. It makes my Deep Space Nine-loving heart glad to know some porn producer thought the average adult movie consumer would have heard of that spinoff. (Some images from Pornstar Trek are in the gallery I mentioned.)
Then, in the late 1990s-early 2000s, a new Trek adult franchise launched. At first, it was called XXX Trek, to distinguish itself from Sex Trek — until the producers of the new series realized nobody was ever going to sue them. So now it's called Sex Trek as well. Weirdly, it makes much more of an effort to follow the actual chronology of the original series. The first three releases are called "Where No Man Has Cum B4," "Charley XXX" and "The Man-Eater." Here's a scene where Charley XXX seduces Yeoman Rand (and yes, Charley's a girl in this version):
Have you ever wondered what color Vulcan sperm was? Me neither. But here you go. As a side-note, every Trek porn vid seems to have a Spock who looks totally gross, and they all have the same joke about how Spock's ears get bigger when he's aroused. WTF?
The adaptation of "The Man Trap," "The Man Eater," is also pretty faithful, including the fact that she's Doctor McJoy's former fiance, and she can transform herself to look like anyone. Except instead of sucking the salt out of people, she sucks the... again, do I have to spell it out? Here she is pretending to be a Vulcan woman in order to seduce whatever they're calling Mr. Spock in this video. And yes, he uses the Vulcan pussy meld.
And most recently, someone has decided to launch a whole fetish website for Trek wankers. SexyTrek.com (watch out for annoying pop-ups) features some genuinely cute women and men in Starfleet uniforms or Borg outfits, along with some pretty horrendous looking Klingons and Borg dudes. Seriously — those Klingons would get laughed out of Dragon*Con. Here are some SexyTrek pics that the site posted for promotional purposes on bulletin boards and pic-post sites:
Other recent internet discoveries have included a page of nude Klingon women (now down, sadly), a Klingon sex manual, and a page of celebrities done up as green Orion women.
Annoyed by how skeezy and disgusting the Spocks in most X-rated videos seem to look? Me too. Luckily, these days, you can find some awesome sexy Spock pics online, in which he looks rightfully godlike. Here are the best ones I could dig up:
Send an email to Charlie Jane Anders, the author of this post, at charliejane@io9.com.
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
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