Pilot Script Packed with Holo-Jackoff Jokes

We got to know Charlie Day's crew of holo-deck abusing, baby dick robots, via a leaked Boldly Going Nowhere script. It's spot-on manic humor set in space, that would make Futurama's writers blush. Spoilers ahead.

A fan posted the script to BGN's first episode, and we think it's genuine. It definitely has the same dickish, raunchy flavor as It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, from the same creators.

Boldly Going Nowhere shines a little star light on a completely inept crew bounding through space supposedly collecting moon rocks for a larger company. Fortunately, the crew's egotistical and slightly dim-witted captain is more content to try and arm the ship illegally with nuclear missiles to journey out for riches and glory. Granted, it's a time of peace, and neither he nor his crew have any real combat experience, but come on — fortune and glory!

It would be really easy to make the comparison between the "Captain" Ron Teague and Futurama's Zapp Brannigan. Both are brash and full of hot air, but they are very different and that's a good thing. Teague, for example, is trying to run a ship that's not just headed by a moron, but completely staffed with a hilariously incompetent crew. For lack of a better comparison, think of the bar staff from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia in space.

It's clearly from the same page, as the crew launches down the same manic and crazed path as Sunny, trying to draft up rules for the sexual abuse the ship's holo-deck is undergoing while trying to catch up on their missing rock quota — that was due months ago — so they won't get fired. Captain Teague is easily going to be a new TV favorite, especially when he argues with the manphibian engineer Pete that he's just trying to "break his balls" for building "boosters" over "thrusters," or when you discover that he replaced the ship's robot parts with a baby dick to keep a robo insurgence in check.

The first episode takes place after the crew lets an inspector from the company on board. The official quickly realizes that Jane (the ship's pilot) is one wrong statement away from driving the ship into a moon, Cobalt (the security officer with a penchant for body building and banana hammocks) is completely unstable, and the second in command Brigsby is a lying liar-pants. It's really a fantastic crew, from the poor robot to the line of crew members waiting outside the holodeck in a towel waiting for their own personal "training" time.

So what's the crew's mission? Well, hopefully they'll keep actual weapons out of the captain's hands. But I think his own incompetence will keep him busy for decades. I eagerly look forward to this series and pledge my TV nights to any space show that can slip in an abortion joke under the radar and not skip a beat. You've got some high expectations with Mr. Day at the helm, Boldly , but I have faith in this crew.