It's not just Moff who's offering up crazy ideas about the end of Battlestar Galactica. With the show returning for its final episodes on Friday, let's look at some of our favorite (probably wrong) theories.
One of the problems with coming up with outlandish, unlikely theories for Battlestar Galactica is that you're dealing with a series where the head writer has publicly admitted serious considering a plot that revealed that God was actually Dirk Benedict. With that as the limit for credibility, you're kind of screwed when it comes to coming up with something that sounds entirely unbelievable... which is why so many fan theories seem entirely plausible. Also, with the amount of clues that have been left throughout the series, it's no surprise that so many fan theories cover the same ground. For example:
Who Is The Final Cylon?
Well, if you ask BuddyTV, Boomer Is The Final Cylon:
Not Athena, the mother of Hera, but Boomer, the Sharon who shot Adama, got Jack Ruby-ed by Cally and tried to end the Cylon aggression against humanity. Crazy as it sounds, it all makes perfect sense... One of my biggest questions about Battlestar Galactica has always been the numbering of the Cylons. The seven original models all have numbers. Cavil, Leoben, D'Anna, Simon and Doral are 1-5, respectively. Number Six is, of course, 6. Then there's Sharon Valeri, aka Sharon Agathon, aka Boomer, aka Athena. She's number 8.
Either Ronald D. Moore doesn't know what comes after six, or this has been a huge clue slapping us in the face for years. I had just assumed that, for some reason, one of the final five was the missing 7. Then came this revelation that the final five don't have model numbers, which either means there is no 7 or Moore is playing mind games with his fans.
Of course, others still suspect that Starbuck Is The Final Cylon, and they have... uh, proof?:
Kara Thrace is the only female Cylon model who has naturally blonde hair. The original plan was that Kara was to be known as "the blonde Cylon", but that was abandoned when her programming failed to engage. The Sixes then seized on the opportunity to become known as "the bleached-blonde Cylon". Not to be upstaged, the Threes claimed the title of "the sun-streaked Cylon". It was this ruthless competition for blonde supremacy that motivated Sharon Valeri to desert the Cylon cause and swear allegiance to the Colonial Fleet.
Me, I still think that it's Gaeta, but here's an entirely unforeseen possibility for you to consider.
The Cylons Are A Virus
One of the stranger theories to pop up more than once during the course of the show is the idea that the Cylons aren't exactly the robots that we think that they are. For example, what if they're really
symbiotic parasites that rewrite the DNA of their hosts?:
As the Hybrid stated that the final five come from "the home of the thirteenth" and until recently they were only seen as active cylons in the Opera House, Colonel Tighs age is again surprising. This is because his age indicates that any time on Earth for him would have to be around the time of the First Cylon War. This leads me to wonder if the final five cylons are actually normal humans who have been taken over by some form of "Cylon Symbiote or Virus" and this is how these cylons resurrect, in that when they die they move to a compatible host, or it rewrites the DNA of an Embryo to create a new cylon. This could also explain how Caprica 6 became pregnant by Tigh since if Tigh was in love with her and physically still human then as with the Athena pregnancy it would biologically be a Human Cylon child rather than the progeny of two Cylons, this would also make Tyrols child fully human. As BSG appears to be becoming more "mystical" as the series progresses then there could be a "mystical" variation of this theory occuring in that humans have been merged with a Cylon "spirit".
Or, then again, maybe Cylons Are An STD:
Tracing the infection is just a matter of following who slept with who among the crew of the Galactica. The biggest evidence for a Cylon sex disease is that all Four of the Final Five Cylons either slept with Cylons or have links to people (carriers) who slept with known Cylons... Personally, I see the Cylon sex disease as a great way to pay homage to original series Star Trek. I always wondered how Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and other crew members could have numerous horizontal intergalactic alien interfaces and not come down with a case of sexually transmitted space cooties. Meanwhile, there were tons of galactic bugs going around: the aging virus (The Deadly Years), diseases that only affect grown ups (Miri), to the sweat transmittable disease Psi-2000 virus that caused Sulu run around shirtless with a fencing sword (The Naked Time). Not having an STD on original Star Trek (too sensitive an issue for the sixties?) was a real missed opportunity and could be rectified by Battlestar Galactica.
Plus, if Cylon sex disease eventually leads to topless Galactica crew members with fencing swords, I'm all for it.
Well, there's one new argument for safe sex, if nothing else.
Starbuck Isn't What She Seems To Be
Namely, she's the first Cylon/Human hybrid. Yeah, you read that right. Her daddy? Oh, come on, surely you can guess:
Leoben Conoy (the scary Keith Callum Rennie cylon who held her hostage on New Caprica and also who she tortured earlier in the series) is her dad.
OMG OMG it makes so much sense. That's why he was the guy in her crazy dreams before she fake died and that's why he's the only one besides her mom who's obsessed with her special destiny.
It makes so much sense.
Too gross to think about a father, albeit a robotic one, lusting after his daughter? Well, that's the trick Ronald Moore and company have pulled on us: We've thrown lust into their relationship where there is none. All of Leobin's creepy advances on Kara should be re-viewed in this light. When he predicts that she will one day embrace him and say she loves him, this is the statement of a father, not a suitor. When he says that he wants to be a family with Kara, he's being genuine - not as a husband but as a parent.
It's the vision of Leobin that allows Kara to make peace with her mother; he's passed this 'seer' ability to his daughter. But it doesn't take some sixth sense for Leobin to know so much about Kara - he knew her mother intimately and must have followed her life. Perhaps even Kara's mother suspected (or knew!) of her paramour's true nature, continually chiding Kara about her "special destiny."
Leobin is Kara's father. Kara is half-Cylon. She and Hera (and the Chief's baby?) are the shape of things to come.
You know, I have to admit, I'm almost convinced.
Everything Has Happened Before
Well, we've been told this plenty of times during the series, but what does it actually mean? The most common theory is something like this:
Back in the ancient, misty past, there were beings who called themselves humans. They built robots to act as their servants and fight their wars. The robots rebelled, redesigned themselves in their creators' image, drove the humans to extinction, and took their place. As time went on, they forgot they were robots and instead believed they were humans. They built new robots to act as their servants and fight their wars. The robots rebelled, et cetera and so forth. The last time it happened, humanity lived on Kobol. After the robots won their revolution, they set off to found the 12 Colonies. They forgot they were robots and believed they were humans. They built Cylons to act as their servants and fight their wars. The Cylons rebelled.
The cyclical nature of this history explains how there can be a prophecy in their holy book. It isn't prophecy; it's a history of last time. The only thing I can't work out is how mentions of Earth got involved. Maybe humanity did originate on Earth many iterations ago, and the name has propagated through all the revolutions.
But the best version of the theory? Well, that's also The Greatest BSG Theory Of Them All:
Earth, the "13th Colony" is actually the "1st Colony". They created the Cylons and the other humans come from them. For some protective reason it is all reversed though, and made to look like earth is a 13th colony that came after the original 12. The Cylons have existed before Caprica was ever populated with humans, before the other 11 planets/colonies. Sure the Capricans invented robots called Cylons, and those robots went to war with the humans. They agreed to a truce and left, only to reappear with very human looking Cylons. Did they create them? Probably not. The survivors just see them as Cylons based on what they know so far, and because they travel with Cylons. The Final Four (yes four, not five) that we now know of probably created them. Also, the Final Four are probably not limited to one body or form. The last Cylon, as yet unknown (the 5th of the Final Five) is different still. Our current colloquialism for the 5th would probably be to call it "God". The First and Final One. The Final Four are probably lower deities, or original prophets of The First and Final. The Other Seven are just puppets, probably different from the other humans only in the fact that they are reborn into a facsimile body after death. The holy books, prophesies, etc. are all realized in this as being true. Not just fundamentalist lunacy, but reality. The books were written to bring the humans to Earth after the destruction of their homeworlds. A recurring theme in the show has been "All of this has happened before, and will again". So the religious texts are just a design to aide in keeping it all "happening again".
And why is it all happening at all, let alone to be played out over and over again? The First and Final Cylon is none other than Adolf Hitler! And this is how he purifies the genetic lines of humanity. Destroying humanity over and over again, but only the very strongest survive it and live to breed even genetically stronger babies. Only this time they are breeding the strongest of the humans with the genetically perfect Cylons to help push the perfect genes into society.
Sure, the theorizer (Allen Christopher) quickly backtracks with "Alright, when I said the Last and Final was Hitler, I was being facetious," but we know better. Ron Moore, the gauntlet has been thrown at your feet. If the revelation of the Final Cylon isn't at least as stunning as it turning out to be Hitler, then I think we have to consider the entirity of Battlestar Galactica - and, for that matter, Caprica, let's be honest - a failure.
Make us proud.