We don't usually use the power of Ourobouros for good, but this week, we're making an exception. Because, let's face it: If you can't allow commenters to educate us all, what use are they?
I speak, of course, of the Secret Origins Of Explosions (And The Walking Away From In Slow Motion Thereof), brought on by this week's new X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer. PVIII asked the obvious question:
how come no one ever looks at the big explosion they've caused? They're always walkin' with their backs to 'em. I mean, if I were the impetus of widespread destruction, I'd probably take at least a picture or something.
And suddenly, there was so much explanation, I thought we were all back in the middle of that Battlestar Galactica episode where Anders and Ellen told us everything we ever wanted to know about cylons but were afraid to ask:
gaming09: "ever look into a hot flame, gotta squint so its pointless either way, plus u can smile when not facing it adn be like, shit i just blew something up, yeahhh...imma get a beer, and f* that bitch sally"
braak: "This was actually answered in an issue of Doctor McNinja: it turns out, by not looking at the explosion, and casually walking away from it as though it doesn't exist, you become completely immune to the effects. Explosions are kind of big, passive-aggressive attention hogs. If you ignore them, they can't hurt you."
geesejuggler: "Becuase only losers looks back and oogle at the explosion they just made. Not looking back says "Yeah, I know it was awesome but I'm awesomer, punk!" Besides, if you look back, you might flinch from the debris flying. Only wimps flinch!"
I'd like to take this opportunity to proudly own my wimpage. But PVIII wasn't satisfied:
Now explain the slow-motion.
Luckily, the exposition torrent continued:
NerD!!!: "There were no slo-mo-walking-away-from-explosions... scenes before John Woo. They hadn't been created yet. John Woo had to create them. Once he did, they've never been separated. Sure occasionally slo-mo will go off with somebody else (Zack Snyder), and explosions well, they'll go around with anybody.... I lost my train of thought, and I just know I need to rent Broken Arrow again."
Not that everyone was all about the learning, when it came to the Wolverine trailer; some of you wondered what the hell was going on with the other mutants:
jbq: "Cyclops was kind of a let-down. Why de-hunk the guy? Haven't you guys in Hollywood already made the poor sap suffer enough on screen, but you had to get a big-ass nerd to play him now?"
TomSkylark: "Actually, Scott's pretty much always been something of an awkward guy. He was the shy, quiet one out of the original five students, and only in recent years (with some really deliberate re-writings of the characters personality in response to new situations) has he become anything approaching a 'hunk' or badass."
tande04: "Whedon had the best Cyclops. I think thats just because he effectively turned him into Wes from Angel and Wes always was my favorite character."
Min-T: "Real quick: isn't Deadpool, like, horribly disfigured and must wear a mask? Why is he, you know, played by the very hunky Ryan Reynolds? Unless this is during the time where his healing factor was increased or whatever and he looked normal... but I thought that was way later. Or should I just completely disregard any knowledge I have of the actual comic and characters."
Joshua Gacusana: "I say just disregeard the knowledge based on this is hollywood and the tend to muck up the stories and characters rather extensively. See Venom/Topher. /End my fanboy ranting"
AngryEddy: "I always figured that actors had a clause in their superhero contracts that required 73% of screen time was spent showing their faces - which is why in every damn Spider-Man movie, Tobey's mask gets torn to pieces show half his face is exposed (or he just loses it entirely). I suspect Ryan Reynolds wouldn't be keen on a mask hiding his face the whole time either, but they could work around that by having more of his face remain undamaged. Or maybe Ryan Reynolds is so damn cool that he'd just roll with it. Do it Ryan. Do it for the fans."
The above clause, of course, is called "The Sylvester Stallone in Judge Dredd OH GOD WHY Clause." Overall, though, I was happily surprised to see that people were relatively optimistic about this movie that I, sadly, have to admit seems completely unnecessary and a few years too late. Not that I'm actively hating on it, like JeffriesTuber, who offers up this thoughtful critique:
It's not nice to use the word 'retarded.' It's insensitive. But I will say that this looks gay.
Thankfully, the love for the film can overpower the hate, as this touching exchange shows:
Zach Ingalsbe: "holy shit, I'm going to kill someone.
I have a fucking Deadpool tattoo, and they have ruined the character.
people will die"
Alizarin: "You do realize that well, this is how it works right? I mean, I don't want to hear it I'm a Phantom of the Opera fan (um book not musical). Hahaha. My boy (yes I have a tattoo too) has been mutilated in well over 12 movie adaptions, and several stage and TV ones too. This is only one for Deady. He might get more, and they might, eventually get it whatever is 'right.' In your eyes. (Not that they've gotten mine right...yet) I'm not saying this to be combative, I'm just trying to talk you down off the ledge. You sound angrier than I was when I found good ol' predictable Timmy Burton cast Johnny Depp as The Madhatter. I don't want anyone to have to feel that way."
Feel the love, you cynical motherfuckers. Between this and the explosion history lessons, there's no way that you people can't feel proud about what you give back to the site. Pat yourselves on the back... and then walk away in slow motion. You deserve it.