Burger King has assaulted our brains with creepy-weird ads for years now, but this is the weirdest. A woman dressed as a BK-themed "Kingon" does a "dance of seduction" to steal your Star Trek glass.

I actually don't know where to begin with these weird Burger King ads. Apparently there are creatures called "Kingons," not to be confused with "Klingons," and Burger King's infamously scary-looking mascot is one of them. And because Burger King's Star Trek glasses contain dilithium crystals (is that safe for drinking?) the "Kingons" are determined to steal them from you. But apart from the "dance of seduction," the Kingons mostly use weird playground bullying tactics to steal your glass, such as wedgies and nipple attacks. Yes, really. A "Kingon" is going to attack your nipples. There's a whole website, the Kingon Defense Academy, devoted to protecting you from these insidious attacks.

Actually, though, the Trek glasses are pretty nice. Here are some images of them. (More over at TrekMovie.)

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

Star Trek Ad Shows You How To Grease Your Nipples

And here are some more bizarre "Kingon" attack strategies, including the weird nipple assault. I just don't know if I can take nipple-grabbing aliens seriously.

Warp-Five Wedgie:

Scary guitar-playing!

How to punch a guy in the crotch:

A woman gets nerve-pinched and paralysed:

And finally, the nipple thing. WTF!

Pectoral grease? Did they just show a Starfleet officer putting grease on a guy's nipples? Was this, by any chance, Burger King grease?

[AdAge]