Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

The Allspark is firing up the brains of Transformers fans with forbidden knowledge of the storyline to Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, in theaters next month. Are you ready for ultimate transforming robot spoilers?

So a fan got hold of a couple of the different novelizations of the movie, T:ROTF for short, and posted an incredibly detailed synopsis. (And bear in mind, this person could be lying, of course.) And the writers weren't kidding when they said this second installment focuses more on the mythology of the Transformers universe. Whew.

So. In the beginning, the Allspark created the Primes, the first 13 Transformers, and they created a device to extract energy from suns, which was powered by the Matrix of Leadership. They searched for suns to harvest, vowing not to destroy suns that provided life to any orbiting worlds.

So when the Primes found ancient Earth, they chose to leave it untouched - except for the Fallen, who rebelled because he wanted the Matrix for himself. The other twelve Primes hid themselves and the Matrix in a tomb, and the Fallen searched for it. Only the last Prime, Optimus, could stop him.

So when the film picks up, a new secret organization called NEST (Nonbiological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty), consisting of humans and Autobots, tracks down Demolisher in Shanghai. Just as they close in on him, he transforms. Optimus and Ironhide take him down, but then Sideswipe takes out Sidways. As Demolisher dies, he says something about the Fallen.

Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

Meanwhile, Sam's at home, watching Congressional hearings about the robot incidents - they blame a robotics company, as a cover story. Mikaela calls to process with Sam about having a long-distance relationship, now that Sam is headed to college. Sam has a "long-distance relationship kit," including his shirt from the first movie. But a shard of Allspark falls out of it, and animates a bunch of kitchen appliances, so a microwave fights a cell phone. Hilarity, as they say, ensues. The microwave defeats the cell phone by nuking it. Bumblebee destroys the rogue appliances, along with part of the house. Then Sam tells Bumblebee he's going to college without him.

Sam gives Mikaela the shard to keep safe, and she puts it in a safe in her dad's motorcycle shop, but Wheelie plans to steal it.

Meanwhile, at NEST HQ, the Autobots don't know who the Fallen is, because the Allspark contained their history. At a NEST debriefing, NSA advisor Galloway doesn't trust the Autobots and says the Decepticons are only on Earth because of them. He asks if the Autobots are willing to leave Earth if the president requests it. Soundwave listens in on the meeting and learns Megatron's location, so he sends Ravage and the Doctor to break in and steal the Allspark shard.

Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

At college, Sam meets his wacky roommate Leo, who has a conspiracy website, but he's always being scooped by someone named Robo Warrior. Leo has hacked the database so all the sexy girls live on their floor - including Alice, the Desexycon. When Sam and Leo go to a party, Sam starts seeing weird symbols and sketching them on the cupcakes. Alice tries to dance with Sam, then he hears Bumblebee's alarm. Sam and Alice leave in Bumblebee, who keeps stepping on the brakes, dousing Alice with antifreeze and generally trying to sabotage their "date." Then Bumblebee takes Sam, on his own, to a graveyard where Optimus tells him the Allspark shard was stolen, and Optimus asks Sam to speak for the Autobots. Sam says he just wants to live a normal life, but Optimus says there's no other choice.

Ravage and the Doctor go to the ocean floor and insert the shard into Megatron, and he reboots.

Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

At Sam's college, he goes to a physics lecture (taught by Rainn Wilson) and then Sam starts speed-reading the physics book, and talking about how Einstein was wrong. Sam wigs out and talks about galactic convergences. He gets kicked out of class, ends up in the library, and sees a book on his grandfather.

Meanwhile, Megatron leaves Earth in "Cybertronian jetform" and meets up with the Nemesis and Starscream. Megatron goes and meets with the Fallen, who claims the ship. The Fallen says there's another way to create an Allspark. Megatron points out the Allspark was destroyed, and the Fallen says "So were you." Then the Fallen sends them to find Sam, who knows the "location." In return, the Fallen promises Megatron the power of the Primes. Megatron, Starscream and 15 other Decepticons leave for Earth.

Meanwhile, Mikaela finds Wheelie sneaking around her dad's motorcycle shop, and he gets smitten with her and calls her a warrior goddess. He confesses he's been sent to get the knowledge that was hidden in the shard.

And then Alice, the Desexycon, puts her moves on Sam, while Mikaela is on her way to him. Leo sees an Alice in Wonderland theme-park robot that looks just like her on television, and somehow realizes this means she's a robot too. So he rushes to warn Sam. They get there just as a five-foot tentacle comes out of Alice's skull and starts strangling Sam. She sheds her skin, revealing the robot beneath. Leo, Sam and Mikaela flee in a car, and Alice crashes on the hood.

Leo wonders if Sam and Mikaela are from the future and they're here to warn him about killer robots. (Like in the Terminator, in other words.) They run over Alice, but then they get kidnapped by a "helicopter" Decepticon. Soon the Decepticons are torturing Sam for his information, threatening to saw his head open to get the information he has. Optimus and Bumblebee rush into rescue the kids, but Megatron spears Optimus from behind and takes him out. As Optimus dies (noooo!) he tells Sam to get out of there. Ironhide, Ratchet and the Twins arrive and blast Megatron, who flees.

So Megatron is frustrated, because the Autobots have hidden Sam. Soundwave broadcasts a message to everyone in the world, saying they have one "solar cycle" to deliver Sam, or they'll destroy one city after another. Sam's parents, vacationing in Paris, see this and freak.

The NSA guy disbands NEST, and Sam feels bad that he didn't listen to Prime. He's still drawing those freaky symbols, which are the language of the Primes. Turns out Leo has seen them on Robo Guy's website. And Robo Guy turns out to be Simmons (John Turturro) who's working in his mom's deli. Simmons says the Transformers have been here a long time.

Sam realizes Megatron is after another energy source, somewhere on Earth, that even the Autobots don't know about. They interrogate their captive Decepticon, Wheelie, and he mentions some old Transformers, known as Seekers. There are ten of these on Earth, the closest in Washington, DC. This turns out to be Jetfire, who's in the Smithsonian. Jetfire is sad to hear the war is still going on, and it's why he defected to the Autobots. Wheelie is excited to hear it's possible to defect.

Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

Sam's symbols turn out to be directions. Jetfire opens a black hole portal thingy, and says later models of Transformers don't have this capacity because of fear of catastrophic failure. He teleports everyone to Egypt, and explains the backstory of the Fallen and the sun harvester thingy. He says only a Prime can defeat the Fallen - and maybe the Matrix can heal Optimus. Sam tells Lennox to bring Optimus, but he makes the mistake of going past a security camera... so now Soundwave knows where he is.

Lennox summons a fleet to provide naval support. Meanwhile, Sam and Mikaela process, and then Sam realizes where the Matrix is hidden. They go into a tomb... but there's nothing there. Either Sam and Leo or the Twins (depending on which novel you read) have a scuffle, throwing a rock which makes a hole in the wall... revealing Cyberglyphs. The Matrix is there! Behind the wall! OMG! But once the Matrix touches the air, it turns into dust - so Sam puts it in a sock. A sock!

Discover All The Ancient Secrets Of The Transformers!S

So then the Naval ships and Decepticons arrive at the same time, but Soundwave shuts down communications and gives the naval commander a false signal, so he's waiting for attack instructions that never come. Sam and Mikaela, toting their sock full of star power, run to Optimus' body, as Starscream attacks them.

Then the Fallen appears on top of a pyramid, and the Constructicons join together to form Devastator. Megatron tells the Fallen he's found the device, but the Fallen asks where the Matrix, the necessary power source, is. Then Devastator climbs the pyramid and smashes it to reveal the lost device - and he sucks all the debris into his construction thingy.

Simmons recognizes the device, and somehow figures out the communications jamming signal is over. He uses his cellphone to contact the naval ship and tells them he'll give them target coordinates for their Mach 7 rail gun. The Admiral finally realizes they've been tricked and mobilizes all his forces.

Sam nearly gets to Optimus, but then he's caught in an explosion and knocked unconscious. When he wakes up, he meets the Primes, who praise his courage and tell him they're giving him the Matrix as a reward, the sock full of stuff reforms into a dagger-shaped thingy. Mikaela thinks he's dead and tells Sam she loves him. Sam says he loves her too, then rushes over to Optimus plunges the Matrix into his chest, which revives him and transfers all the Allspark memories Sam had absorbed.

Then the Fallen shows up and grabs the Matrix, teleporting himself back to the top of the pyramid. Jetfire volunteers his parts to repair Optimus, sacrificing his life in the process. Ratchet puts Optimus together again, good as new. Meanwhile, Simmons gets the naval ship to fire at Devastator, who breaks back down into separate Constructicons. The Fallen fires the device, but Optimus deflects part of it, and the blast hits Megatron and Starscream.

The Fallen and Optimus have their big showdown. The Fallen says that he's a Prime, and Optimus should respect him. But Optimus says the Fallen gave up that name when he turned against his brothers. Megatron and Starscream run away, as Optimus smashes the device and beats the Fallen about the head with the pieces. The Fallen tries to escape via a wormhole, but Optimus uses the Matrix to close it and opens a different wormhole, which he tosses the Fallen into. The wormhole closes.

Then our heroes are reunited, and they find Sam's parents trapped inside a Decepticon that was fighting Bumblebee in the desert. Yay. [TFW2005]