Ever since the real-life Allegiance of Heroes of Cincinnati crawled out into the light, we've been patiently waiting eventual rise of real-life Supervillains, and today is that day. Meet ROACH, the finest super villain society.
ROACH, which stands for the Ruthless Organization Against Citizen Heroes was founded by an evil genius, The Potentate. Who, in an exclusive interview, revealed that he took his organization public in response to the internet hub for costumed superheroes, The World Of Superhero Registry. How can these unfortunately spandexed many claim to be real heroes without a nemesis?
There hasn't been real action against these citizen superheroes, since The Consortium of Evil took out a bounty ($10) on Shadowhare's indentity on Craigslist. Needless to say, TCOE has nothing on the organized website for ROACH, which is currently recruiting.
Check out the recruitment video boosted from the site:
How could you not want to join this supremely better organized and well marketed marketed gang? Not convinced, here's an exclusive interview with The Potentate himself...
I am known as The Potentate, the supreme leader of ROACH. I was raised in the shadow of the soon to be "old" Center of Global Politics, Washington DC. My parents took me to Reagan's inauguration when I was a child, and we stood too close to the Jumbo-Tron. The radiation pouring out of it, coupled with the freezing cold, endowed me with super-intelligence and near invulnerability. His message of the day instilled in me an unquenchable thirst for control. Then, later, spending my adolescence in the Straight Edge movement I acquired a taste for unrealistic lifestyle goals. Once I was out of my parents house I began to search the world to be the best in villainy, then came ROACH.
ROACH is a global organization of Super-villains that was created as a response to the rash of so-called Citizen Super-Heroes bubbling up around the world. Plenty of people do good work, police soldiers, but don't dare call themselves "Super". These fools throw on a silly outfit, pose for youtube videos and take a title deserved for gods! How can they be super heroes if they have no Super-villain as their foil?
Now while we may start with the harassment and destruction of Citizen Super Heroes, but that is only a prelude to our inevitable conquering of the world. Democracies, Republics, Socialists, Monarchies, they've had their run and they've all failed. They fail to truly understand man's need to look out for himself before all others. I understand that need and am fostering a place so rife with self interest that it almost disgusts me. I may want to mention that self interest is primarily mine and a handful of others that I choose and we will eliminate any who get in our way, but unlike other forms of government, we admit it.
So, get in line with us or be destroyed. Pretty simple decision if you ask me. We have a spot for you. We have departments ranging from Science to Military, from blue collar to marketing. Are you a hipster with absolutely no drive in life? No problem! We are suckers for mid century modern furniture and rare music and can put you to use. Again, we have a place for you. And if you join us you get all kinds of cool stuff like free room and board (this may involve some permanent indentured servitude).
I now spend my time in any number of ROACH's impenetrable headquarters. From Mt. Ararat to Palm Springs, to Corcovado, to probably somewhere right near you!!
So sign up today, join the department best suited to your needs, and fight the good fight against terrible cosplay heroes. You'll see me with my ROACH threads at this year's SDCC.
While The Potentate is the evil genius of ROACH, the general day-to-day evil is monitored, designed and crafted by the extremely talented Paul Hogan. Io9 is ever so proud to help in the launching of ROACH, which was first murmured about between the evil elite on these here comment pages.