Though some publishers of paranormal fiction scoff at the idea that zombies can ever be romantic leads, they obviously don't realize there's a simmering desire for zombie love among readers and movie-goers. We've investigated the zombie love phenomenon, and brought you some startling discoveries.
Of course, most everybody knows about zombie pinups, those luscious lads and ladies who aren't afraid to give us some rotted cheesecake with a pickled cherry on top. There are a number of zombie pinup sites online, and the original source of rotting beauty, ZombiePinups, even hosted a zombie beauty contest. Another group, called MyZombiePinup, does a calendar of lusty, gory ladies every year. Pictured here is the May lady (and tractor) from their 2009 calendar. And of course there are the less-than-fresh fillies from Zombie Strippers.
Takeaway message: Zombie romance doubters claim the problem is that these undead creatures are rotting and gross. But these pinups reveal that blood and guts can serve as a kind of adornment. As long as you've still got plenty of sexy human parts, the bloody bits become exotic extras.
If you haven't seen the zombie comedy-romance Fido, then you're in for a hell of a treat. This Canadian flick, starring Carrie Ann Moss (of Matrix fame), is about what happens when one company comes up with a solution to the zombie plague. They invent a collar which keeps zombies obedient, and turns them into the ultimate household servants and workers. Now the zombies are contained, everybody has personal slaves, and the free market is humming along happily. And one lonely housewife discovers that Fido, the zombie her husband brings home to keep their son company, is actually a better companion than her distant, imperious husband. Fido is happy to help with housework, adores her, and loves to dance. Plus Diablo "Juno" Cody is producing a zombie romantic comedy based on a novel called Breathers, and Jane Austin stories now come with zombies.
Takeaway message: If Beauty could love the Beast, why can't a woman love a gray-fleshed rotting creature who truly adores her and gives her the emotional sustenance she needs?
Zombie sex has to be out there on the internet, right? After all, that's what Moore's Law tells us: If a population of fetishists exists, it will increase exponentially online, doubling in size every 2 years. So it should be no surprise to you that people on Craigslist want to get some hot zombie sex action. In fact, this Best of Craigslist ad shows exactly why zombies are hot:
I'll dress up like an office professional or something like that, in some clothes I don't care about, and pretend to be doing some work in an office or something. Maybe then I'll listen to a prop radio and look shocked, act scared, peer out a mimed window or something, and then you batter on the door. And batter, and batter, and push — and break in! And I let out a blood-curdling shriek, and you lunge at me and rip my clothes apart and splatter fake blood all over me (we'll use a tarp on the floor, to be polite), and proceed to savagely violate me. Or something like that — I'm not really tied to that exact SCENE, but I think something that goes that way would be fun.
Takeaway message: How could this NOT be the stuff of a romance novel or movie? There is even bodice-ripping. Plus savage violation! And don't forget politeness. People are dying to get their hands on a big old sexy zombie. Somebody who knows this has already bought the domain ZombieSex.com, but sadly they are using it right now as a link farm. I guess it makes sense that ZombieSex.com is zombied.
Zombies Are My Lovers Image by iusebiro.