Penthouse Outs Nerd Hook-Up CentralS

The secret's out, people. We tried to keep it all Fight Club-esque and quiet for years, but now Penthouse has ruined it by going and telling the world: Comic conventions are all about the sex. Now it's spoiled for everyone.

The secret came out thanks to Shari Goldhagen, who certainly knows how to live up to the geek girl stereotype:

Do I still read comic books? I do. Have I ever flicked the bean to some well-written Smallville fan fiction? It's possible. (Hey, I'm a writer; a good metaphor turns me on.)

After being introduced to the concept of comic cons as the ideal place for hooking up by a potentially fictitious comic store clerk ("'Really,' she said. 'It's all these people you see only a couple of times a year at hotels, you're all into the same things, people are dressed up, you've been flirting online for months…It's pretty hot'"), Goldhagen goes undercover at March's New York Comic Con to investigate for herself only to find... the greatest lame chat-up line ever:

Later, a giant of a man in a very official Batsuit joins me in line for a bottle of $4 water. I look at him and he looks back at me, irises extra blue against all the eye black under his cowl.

"You know there was a girl Robin," he says. "Stephanie Brown."

"Actually, if you count Carrie Kelly in The Dark Knight Returns, there were two girl Robins." I stretch the words out, making them luxurious, and curl my lips into a crooked come-hither grin.

Batman's smile is slow, seductive-and really freaking creepy with the head-to-toe-armor. Other than his height and the set of his jaw (not bad, but no Christian Bale), I have no idea what this guy looks like, but I do feel an instant familiarity and comfort level with him. If we were making out in my apartment and he unearthed my secret stash of Detective Comics, I wouldn't have to invent a story about how I was just holding them for a friend.

"Yes, I forgot about Carrie." He gives me a long once-over. "Will I be seeing you back at the cave tonight?"

If San Diego Comic-Con wasn't already sold out, this essay would have made it the most popular destination of the year amongst Carrie Kelly fetishists... if it wasn't already.

Geek Love [Penthouse, possibly NSFW although story has no nudity]