The Middleman Returned, And Our Heads Exploded!

The Middleman, one of the greatest and craziest shows ever to bludgeon television with awesomeness, finally got the finale it deserves. The cast read the unaired finale script, and it was like the greatest rock concert ever.

Oh man, it is so great to see the Middleman cast all together talking glibly and to hear Matt Keeslar spouting incomprehensible dialogue and crazy plot stuff like:

Prophecies of Orac! A Polyditetrahexamono-Trioctalon?

Or Wendy's line: "Look at all those pineal glands. It's like a gland-nado." To which Tyler says: "A tornado made of glands?" And then Manservant Neville says "You must admit, my plan is sheer elegance in its draconian complexity."

So in the unfilmed season finale, the Middleman finally kisses Lacey. Later she says she wasn't sure if it really happened. The Middleman says "It happened, and it will happen again." The Middleman even tells Lacey he loves her! And Tyler learns the truth about what Wendy does for a living — and we learn it's not just coincidence that Tyler and Wendy got together, it was all part of the fiendish plot by Tyler's boss, Manservant Neville. And the fiendish plot really really is fiendish. And over the top. You probably couldn't have filmed of all of this in any case, but

Oh my god, the fantastic fearsomeness of Romo Lampkin himself, Mark Sheppard, as Manservant Neville, the story's villain. The snarling! The raging! The ranting! Especially after he gets the power to reshape reality itself. "I shall turn all the beans of this world... into peas!"

We'll have a review of the graphic novel up on the site soon enough, but I really really hope the video of the table read goes up on Youtube. If you ever loved The Middleman — Hell, if you ever loved goodness, virtue or crazy science fiction gadgets and surreal humor. If you ever loved anything, you must see this for yourself. It is the culmination of all Western society.

"You will be made to walk the streets in suits made of cactuses and be flagellated by talking fish!"

Oh, and you should have heard the crowd go wild when narrator/writer Javier Grillo-Marxuach read the stage description that Wendy is chained up in a Princess Leia slave girl costume. Says Wendy: "You want to make me the star in your hentai fan vid, go ahead." Manservant Neville says "Animated Japanese Erotica is the last thing in my vast and god-like cranium, Wendy Watson...from this sacrificial altar, you will bear witness to my master stroke." To which Wendy says "Eww," and her reading of that line was side-splitting.

And we learn the Middleman's true name, and we delve into his history, and the heartbreaking loss that turned him into the great upright hero we know and worship.

It is totally demented and incredible stuff, and it deserves to be seen for itself. Let's hope someone was filming it, and you all get to see it!