Aug 31, 2009 05:30 PM
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San Francisco, 4:04 PM
Tue Feb 9
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If there's a greater movie than Cyborg, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, we're not sure we could stand to watch it. In this sequence, post-apocalyptic pirate-fighter Gibson gets crucified and has a traumatic flashback. Below, the greatest rain fight scene ever.
So in the above sequence, the bad guys have crucified Gibson, and he's reliving the moment when the evil Fender stole his daughter and left him, his wife and their kid to die in a well. (The daughter has a chance to save them, but only if she can hold on to a barbed-wire rope. Ouch.) Reliving the trauma from this event makes Gibson upset enough to kick a hole in the cross that's holding him up, while both his flashback self and his now-self scream "FENDER!!!"
So here's the final battle, including a great bit where Gibson is fighting a guy... who sort of casually strolls into a fairly small, contained flame. The guy instantly catches fire all over his body, and then stumbles into a car... which explodes. Yeah!! And then Gibson finally faces Fender... who takes off his sunglasses, revealing really skanky contact lenses. They stare at each other, the closeups getting tighter and tighter, until... FIGHT!!!
According to Wikipedia, this movie was made instead of a sequel to the live-action He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe and a live-action Spider-Man movie. Both the He-Man and Spidey films got cancelled, so the studio threw this masterpiece together instead. But it all turned out for the best, since it led to Cyborg 2, starring Angelina Jolie.
Send an email to Charlie Jane Anders, the author of this post, at charliejane@io9.com.
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
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