Last night's episode of Heroes, called "Acceptance," served up a veritable smorgasbord of after-school special life lessons. Chief among them: Don't hump your boss; don't xerox your butt at work; and brainwashing never works. Spoilers ahead!

My very favorite subsubsubplot last night was all about icy Tracy, the former shiny-evil assistant to the governor who discovered her water powers and decided to kill everyone. But then after a nice talk with HRG, she decided instead of killing everybody she just wanted her old job back, where all she had to do was drink wine and wear cute dresses. The episode opens with her not just taking a bath, but BEING the bath. And then she slides into some professional slutwear and sashays to some random party where the governor instantly gives her her old job back.

But the problem is she doesn't just want to be assistant hottie anymore. She wants to set policies and help people and change things! Sadly, the governor just wants to keep Tracy around for her policy ideas on how to allocate oral sex efficiently to him and various lobbyists. Even though she spent most of her adult life doing this kind of thing, then became a cold, hard killer, for some reason the governor's sex-based expectations make her TOTALLY SAD OMG. She runs the to bathroom (see clip) and is so sad that even her hands get all weepy with water and weird spooky haunted house music plays in the background. It's HARD to be Tracy, OK?

Seriously, that was a touching scene and exemplified how hard it is to go from being a craven political mercenary who wants to create a mind-controlled superarmy, to being a nice lady who just wants to help people who can't help themselves. Unfortunately, it also means Tracy wouldn't be humping anybody in this episode. Even though it would have been awesome to see her and HRG get together.

Speaking of which, HRG was completely great in this episode as the aimless newly-divorced dad reconnecting with daughter Claire and trying to figure out what's next in his life. There are a few funny, sweet scenes where Claire gives HRG advice on interviewing for jobs, and tries to help him realize that he can have a life after working as a trained killer. Of course, we know he's already going back to his Company Man persona because he's gotten interested in the Carnie Mutant Compass. So there is more killing in store.

And the carnies know it too. Samuel does one of his tattoo injections into the back of Hot Tattoo (after a little Sprint-sponsored break) and she shows him HRG's face and warns that HRG isn't out of the picture after all. Note: Tattoo HRG looks sort of like Isaac Asimov.

Another stunning revelation in this episode was that Hiro can actually do comedy without being infantilized in a completely hideous way. There's a goofy subsubsubplot where Hiro is trying to go back in time to right past wrongs, and he decides the one he really needs to focus on is this salaryman at his sister's company who is about to commit suicide because he was fired for drunkenly xeroxing his butt at an office party. (No we never get to see this party take place, sadly.)

Hiro keeps jumping back in time over and over – despite the fact that each jump brings him closer to death – and preventing the salaryman from copying his crack. But each time he returns to the present the guy has still mimeographed his meat at a different party. And he still jumps. Finally, after forty-odd jumps and much smudging with toner, Hiro delivers a heartfelt speech to the salaryman about how if you keep xeroxing your butt in timeline after timeline maybe you hate your job and should go do something else. Words of wisdom! At last, the guy is happy and doesn't commit suicide.

So just remember, if you've got the urge to do the naked boogie with your copy machine, maybe it's time to consider a career in mutant killing like HRG. Or a career in diagnosing the African dictator version of Darth Vader like House. Oops, wrong show. House was verging on crap last night, by the way. Except the part where House broke into his neighbor's condo, drugged him, tied him up, and forced him to stick his arm stump into a box. That was awesome.

Anyway it all ends well (for Hiro, not Darth Dictator) because he finally confesses to his sister that he's dying and she cries and still wants him to give her away at her impending wedding to Ando even though he might be dead by then. I'm glad Ando is getting married, though. He also has a cute new floppy haircut.

There was even a good subsubsubplot involving Nathan (AKA Nylar). He's been feeling all weird ever since he realized that he actually has no memories of being Nathan and instead has random memories of being Sylar, which is who he really is anyway. So Mama P decides to further his imperfect brainwashing by bringing him a box of old toys and clothes from when he was a kid. When he touches them, Sylar's power of "object memory" (AKA Deadzone power) will make it seem like Nathan is "remembering" them. Yeah, it didn't make any sense to me either.

Anyway what could go wrong? Nylar feels up a hat and "remembers" the day he got drunk with some rich chick named Kelly who fell into the pool and broke her skull and died. Mom swooped in and covered it up, making it seem that Kelly had run away to London. Why did she do it when the death was clearly an accident? Because it looked bad or something. Doesn't make sense to Nylar either, so he decides to tell Kelly's mom that her long-lost daughter is actually dead, and that in fact he was there when she died two decades ago and his mom covered it up. More alarmingly, Nylar has this weird stubble and extremely bad khaki windbreaker on throughout the episode. I think it's supposed to look "evil preppie" but it looks more like "golfer on crack."

Anyway, so what's totally awesome is that Kelly's mom is like, "You are crazy" to Nylar, and then takes Mama P out to lunch and is all, "Nathan is weird" and Mama P says, "Yeah he is I'm so sorry he bothered you." But meanwhile Kelly's mom hired a guy to drug and murder Nylar! So as she's having this society lunch with Mama P she is murdering her son. I LOVE this lady. Please make her a regular character.

Of course you know what happens, right? You can't kill Nylar, and when he reaches his hand out of the grave the face that follows is Sylar's. So there goes Nylar, and all Mama P's dreams of having wittle Nathan back. Score one for Kelly's mom! This show needs more seriously murderous bitch society women in it.

Guess what's coming next week? You SAW it in the preview! LESBIAN KISS BETWEEN CLAIRE AND GRETCHEN! See I am totally right that they were heading down lezzie lane. Let's hope that it's more than a snooze-worthy kiss. Also, dare I say I'd like a little more Peter and Samuel action? Yes, I dare. Tune in next week when basically all I'll be doing is obsessing over lesbian Claire.