Caprica Ends With Something You've Been Wanting

Friday's episode of Caprica, "End of the Line," was the mid-season finale for the series, which won't return until fall. There were some major deaths, some inexplicable reversals, and one tragedy you won't regret at all.

Philo's Defunct

Things are coming to a head for Daniel Graystone, who finally had to sell his beloved C-Bucs team to Vergis in order to prevent his company from doing the dot-com death spiral dance. Making matters worse is the fact that everybody - including his top funders - seems to know that Daniel had some thugs steal Vergis' computer chip to get his prototype cylon working. In other words, Vergis private smear campaign is working. We even see Vergis wining and dining one of Daniel's funders. The same funder, in fact, who has just given Daniel an ultimatum: He has to get his 100 thousand cylons done three weeks ahead of schedule.

Afraid he'll lose everything, Daniel freaks out on his lab assistant Philomon, whose v-world trysts with Zoe have given him some ideas about how to make more cylons that work. Unfortunately, Philo's idea - to preserve the uniqueness of Zoe's chip, then duplicate its generic parts - would take weeks. With just one week to go into production, Daniel lets the crazy loose and tells Philo to "burn off" the uniqueness in Zoe's chip, then send the generic chip for mass production. Never mind the techno-handwavery here. The point is that Daniel has just ordered Philo to kill Zoe so he can make his production deadline. It's pretty clear he still believes Zoe is in the prototype cylon, but he just doesn't care anymore.

Now Zoe is in serious shit. Philo is about to nuke her brain, and the box that could take her to Gemenon won't leave port for at least a week. Desperate, Zoe reveals her cyborg self to Philo and begs for his help. Though he promised her in v-world that he would love her no matter what she looked like, it turns out Philo has some limits. He calls in a security alert instead of helping, and Zoe - not realizing her own strength - murders him when she pushes him away from the console where he's calling for help.

Brief lament: Oh Philo! First of all, I thought you were robosexual and would be really into Cylon Zoe! Second, no more cute geek boy action on this show!

Now Cylon Zoe has stolen a truck and is on the road trying to escape - to where? Who knows what the weepy cylon is really thinking? There's a weird OJ Simpson feeling to this subplot, especially since we see part of it unfolding on the news.

Barnabus vs. Clarice

Speaking of boo-hoo feelings that aren't entirely warranted, this episode also marked a turning point in Lacy's badassening. STO heavy Barnabus shows Lacy that he's found a box that's the perfect size to smuggle Zoe to Gemenon - then says she has to do one thing for him to earn it. He wants her to put a surveillance device on Clarice's keychain. (He's pretty pissed after Clarice pistol-whips him at the beginning of the episode, and tells him he needs to toe the line.)

Caprica Ends With Something You've Been Wanting

Turns out - surprise, surprise - the surveillance device is really a bomb too. And her terrorist boyfriend built it! When she discovers this, Lacy gives does the old teary-eyed "You used me!" speech. Which makes no sense really, since she's already using them. And she also knew Barnabus was a psycho, barbed-wire-wearing power-hungry zealot.

Special note: Looks like Lacy won't stay weepy for long. Previews for fall showed her getting crazy - possibly in bed with a random guy we've never seen.

Fortunately for all of us who loved the pistol-whipping version of Clarice, the car-exploding plans of Barnabus and Co. go awry. And in the best possible way. She's derailed by a plot development everybody has been asking for. That's right: Amanda killed herself.

Yay

She was already bugging out and doing a ton of drugs, but the turning point was when she realized that Daniel had paid somebody to steal Vergis' chip - and murder his employees in the process. The one guy who could keep her sane is now a murderer by proxy, and she heads out to their local suicide bridge to have memory montages and get illuminated by light and look pensive and then walk off the highest spot on the bridge that she can. Clarice catches sight of her before she jumps, and gets out of her car - only to discover that she's narrowly missed a ka-bloom.

Pre-death montage disappointment: Really? Did we need that? Especially interspersed with Zoe's pre-crash montage as she slams into the military road block in her truck?

Finally, the most inexplicable part of the episode. We've been loving the subplot with game-addicted Joseph searching for his virtual AI daughter Tamara in v-world game New Cap City. But Friday's treatment of this subplot went way off the road and into WTF territory.

Joseph has suddenly become a v-world addict, and his secretary and brother have come to his place to do an intervention. Meanwhile, in v-world, we see that Joseph's guide knew how to find Tamara all along, and for no reason I can figure out has decided not to help father and daughter reunite. We see her talking to Tamara (she called her Batman style, by putting Tamara's "T" sign in the window).

Caprica Ends With Something You've Been Wanting

What Happened With Tammy?

She tells Tamara that Joseph is going crazy trying to find her and neglecting his son to do it, and Tamara seems surprised to hear this. Finally Tamara agrees to see her drugged-out dad. She tells him to stop following her, then forces him to shoot her - then shoots him, permanently derezzing him from the game. And THEN we see Joseph's secretary taking on her holoband, revealing to us that she was the guide all along.

WTF???? OK first of all, it was Tamara who sent her New Cap City boyfriend out into the world to ask Joseph to come find her. So why is she now all surprised that he's there? Why is she asking him to leave? And when/how/what/why with the secretary secretly being his guide?! I feel retconned in a bad way. That was a seriously incoherent resolution to one of the coolest subplots on the show.

So where does that leave us, my New Cap City homegirls and boys? Amanda is dead; Philomon is dead. Zoe is in the middle of a giant collision but her cylon body will no doubt survive. Tamara is queen of v-world. Daniel now has no business and no family. Joseph has a new addiction to v-world drugs and a nice secretary who takes care of him. Sam wasn't shirtless, but hopefully will be in the future. Lacy is a terrorist. Clarice is alive and really pissed off. And I'm on the edge of my freakin seat.