Honestly, I can't imagine why the ratings slid downward in returning alien invasion series V. After all, we got to see head V Anna doing her erotic eating routine with sashimi - and then, with a lizard man! Spoilers!

My excitement for the return of V cooled a little bit while watching this episode. I like where the plot is going - our good guy team is consolidating; there's a solid conflict between anti-V ninja Erica and her V-loving son Tyler - but oh the groanworthy dialogue! And oh, the clunky subplots!

Anna has got everybody doing her bidding now. She used her fugu powers to blackmail reporter Chad into doing his big propaganda piece on the V healing centers. He's even becoming a patient to cure some proto-brain aneurism that only the V tech could sense. And Anna's got Erica's son Tyler in her mind-control machine, where she's examining his memories for no reason other than to have a really weird scene with Lisa where she announces that Vs are "optimized for efficiency," which is why their memories have no emotional associations. (Seriously, why the hell was Tyler in the memory-reading lounge chair?)

The Vs are also spreading their influence way beyond Anna's bliss radius. As we learned in previous shows, they are giving out jackets to the "Youth Ambassadors" that are laden with surveillance devices. And now it turns out those "R6" vitamins they're injecting everybody with are basically GPS devices that bond to human genomes. There is actually a great scene in the V command center where a bunch of aliens in business casual are geotracking a zillion humans using these awesome gesture displays. It was a vision of what Google would be like if its tagline were "We love evil." Seriously, I love the stuff with V surveillance and paranoia. It's the best part of the show.

Father Frank is one of the people who has been injected with the nano-GPS, after his V-loving priest buddy sent him to a V healing center to be fixed because a crazy V stabbed him. That was the same V who, in this episode, tried to kill Erica. Here is an example of the great dialogue from the Erica vs. V fight scene, after Erica stabs the V in the chest:

V: That barely tingled. My heart is on the other side of my chest.
Erica: [Stabs him in the other side of his chest]

I felt like I was watching a G.I. Joe cartoon when the V helpfully told Erica which side of his chest to stab him on.

One of the other clunky moments came when Erica and Ryan recruit a notorious mercenary to help them build up their anti-V army. For some reason, Anna had already decided this evil merc guy was dangerous (Why? Because he has weapons? That describes like 50 percent of all Americans). So Anna and her buddies try to frame the merc for blowing up all those doses of flu vaccine and R6. Anna sends her minion to show the Feds that merc's fingerprint was on the explosives - using special "we can recreate the explosion" technology to reveal the print. The whole merc scenario was just a giant "whut?" for me. I like the idea of having a gun-toting merc on the Fifth Column team. But why would the Feds just buy evidence produced by V tech that recreates a fingerprint based on a YouTube video of the explosion?

Also, as an aside, why is Ryan not telling his wife about her hybrid lizard baby yet? She's craving the meat of dead mice, OK? It's time to spill it.

Luckily everything became clear when Anna decided to fight the Fifth Column and their merc by breeding her own lizard army. First she brings in a bunch of hunky guys and sniffs them. Then we get that second scene in the video above. What was I saying about this show being clunky? It's all been swept from my mind by the image of Anna doing the fuck-him-and-eat-him dance with lizard boy.

Tune in next week when . . . um . . . smoke . . . nakedness . . . silky robes . . .