Knocking Up Earthlings Is No Way To Win The Respect Of Your Peers

What's new on TV this week? How about Desmond's return to the Island, creepy V pregnancies, incompetent wizards, and the Mega Piranha? We're in the salad days of Spring TV - a zillion awesome shows await you!

MONDAY 4/5/10
It's Chuck (8 PM, NBC) with "Chuck Versus the Other Guy." Morgan's thinking of leaving Buy More, and Shaw's reeling from the death of his wife. How will Chuck rein Shaw in?

On Syfy, we've also got two new episodes of Monster at 11 & 11:30 PM and a rerun of Macross Plus 3 at midnight. There's also the George Clooney remake of Solaris at 5:15 PM on IFC.

Late Night: Kellan Lutz on Jimmy Kimmel (12:06 AM, ABC); Grant Imahara with robot skeleton Geoff Peterson on Craig Ferguson (1:07 AM, CBS).

TUESDAY 4/6/10
It's a Desmond-centric episode of Lost tonight (9 PM, ABC), "Happily Ever After." Last time we saw Des, Widmore had dragged his drugged Scottish ass back to the Island. Ergo, bagpipes!

Then we have a new V ("Pound of Flesh," 10 PM, ABC). Anna starts welcoming us hyper-evolved chimpanzees onto her IKEA fleet, and Valerie's pregnancy takes a turn for the way creepy.

There's also a new Survivors at 9 PM on BBCA.

Late Night: David Boreanaz on Leno (12:35, NBC).

WEDNESDAY 4/7/10
New Human Target on Fox at 8 PM. In "Victoria," Chance guards the Princess of Wales and cracks boob jokes. The mouth on that man!

We also have Ugly Americans at 10:30 PM on Comedy Central. In "Blob Gets a Job," Leonard and Mark must identify a strange life form. Leonard's my favorite character - he's basically omnipotent, but his gross incompetence is a hoot. And he wears a pointy hat!

Ugly AmericansWeds 10:30pm / 9:30c
Preview - Blob
www.comedycentral.com
Joke of the DayStand-Up ComedyFree Online Games

There's also a new Mythbusters at 9PM on Discovery Channel.

Late Night: Anna Torv on Craig Ferguson; David Duchovny on Leno (11:35, ABC).

THURSDAY 4/8/10
FlashForward is on at 8 PM on ABC. In "Queen Sacrifice," Mark and Vogel investigate the mole, Mark leaves his house (because he's a dumb-ass), and Keiko returns! Also, did Demetri knock up Janis? Inquiring minds want to know!

Vampire Diaries airs at 8 PM on CW. In "Let the Right One In," Stefan's at a crossroad, Matt wants his mom around, and Caroline makes a startling discovery.

On this week's Fringe ("Olivia. In the Lab. With the Revolver," 9 PM, FOX), Olivia knows Walter's secret about Peter, and it's tearing her apart. YOU'RE TEARING ME APART WALTER!

In tonight's Supernatural (9 PM, CW), Sam and Dean have "99 Problems," and a small-town prophet happens to be one of them.

Late Night: Morena Baccarin on Kimmel.

FRIDAY 4/9/10
At 7:30 PM on Cartoon Network we have a new Batman: The Brave and The Bold. In "Chill of the Night," Batman confronts Joe Chill, the murderer of Thomas and Martha Wayne, and The Spectre and Phantom Stranger guest-star.

On Smallville ("Checkmate, 8 PM, CW), it's more Pam Grier as Amanda Waller. I don't think I conveyed my jazzed-upedness enough. IT'S MORE PAM GRIER AS AMANDA WALLER.

New Stargate Universe at 9 PM on Syfy - in "Divided," Rush investigates an alien tracker that may be hidden on the ship.

There's also a new Star Wars: Clone Wars episode (9 PM, Cartoon Network. In "Zillo Beast," the Jedis must take down the titular piece after the Republic's super-weapon rouses it. There's also a new episode of Merlin at 10 PM on Syfy.

Late Night: Kunal Nayyar on Craig Ferguson; Olivia Munn on Fallon.

SATURDAY 4/10/10
There's Mega Piranha at 9 PM on Syfy. He's not DinoShark nor Sharktopus, but he'll eat your children in a jiff.

SUNDAY 4/11/10
We've got a new Breaking Bad ("Green Light," 10 PM, AM). Walt's gone off his rocker, and his family's none too impressed.

Thanks to David Daw for the awesome research.