This Week's FlashForward Was 60 Minutes Of Pure NudityS

With FlashForward supposedly on the cusp of cancellation, I feel obligated to do my part to keep the show on the air. That's why I'm informing you that Thursday's episode, "Queen Sacrifice," was one hour of unfiltered raunch.

Okay, okay, so FlashForward had nothing lascivious going down, unless you count the scene in which Simon accuses Seth McFarlane's FBI agent of downloading porn. (What's with this show and oddball cameos? First Timbaland and now the guy most famous for voicing Johan Krauss in Hellboy 2?) The only 100% morally reprehensible aspect of this show was how ludicrously short Mark Benford's "fuck yeah" moment was.

At the beginning of the episode, Mark deciphers Dyson Frost's cell phone number by divining a Morse code sequence from Dyson's 1991 chess tournament game sheets. If we're to give a fig about Mark Benford as a protagonist, we need at least a couple seconds of footage of him furtively glaring at Dyson's code, then a smash cut of him having a Eureka moment...an orgasm of justice, if you will. Instead, we get Mark gloating to Demetri about his superior code-cracking skills. We want to see Mark's heroic sweat equity, not his smug robotic efficiency, consarnit.

This Week's FlashForward Was 60 Minutes Of Pure NudityS

How did Dyson Frost know to leave a code for Mark? According to the video Demetri found in Somalia, Dyson's been having hundreds of flashforwards since 1991. All of them lead to him kicking it on March 15...the same day Demetri's supposed to die! What! When Mark goes to investigate one of Dyson's old chess opponents, he finds the poor chessmaster shot in the head. At this point, Vogel and Mark make an unwieldy analogy about dynamite fishing and decide to investigate the FBI's mole with gusto. It's never really explained how Mark made the jump from Somalia to chess opponents. The man truly is one of television's greatest off-camera savants, along with Urkel from Family Matters (remember, he invented a shrink ray).

After discovering a wiretap lodged in Mark's keyboard under the letter M, and Vogel round the rest of the agents up in a room. We'll get back to this in a moment, as we're now going to recap The Less Interesting Events Of The Episode.

This Week's FlashForward Was 60 Minutes Of Pure NudityS

1.) Mark leaves the house and assigns a security detail to follow Olivia. Without telling her. They place a high premium on spousal communication in the Benford household.
2.) Before undergoing chemo, Bryce makes out with Nicole. Hey, he's got another month to sow his wild oats before he meets Keiko.
3.) ICE absconds with Keiko after they find her working in a low-rider garage. This is a prime example of Flashforward's weirdly hyper-compressed storytelling. A cute, fish-out-of-water subplot about fixing cars how charming BAM DEPORTED.
4.) Lloyd visits Olivia and determines that QED stands for Quantum Entanglement Device. Does all Lloyd's British prattling about quantum physics plant the seeds of lust in Olivia's heart?

Meanwhile back at the office, Vogel and Mark interrogate Janis - it turns out she's been investigating Marcie in her free time. Who's Marcie? Some who-cares minor agent who goes outside the office and puts sugar in her coffee...a lot. But Mark Benford pulls a Carnac the Magnificent and notices that HOLY CRAP MARCIE DOESN'T TAKE SUGAR IN HER COFFEE. By scrutinizing footage of Marcie stirring coffee, Demetri and Mark determine that the sugar is a signal to her handlers. They then make confused eye contact with Marcie, and shit suddenly gets Peckinpah. She kills about a million FBI agents until Janis takes her down with pregnant karate.

This Week's FlashForward Was 60 Minutes Of Pure NudityS

But at the end of the episode, Janis reveals to Simon that she is the second mole and that she's received his "message" (i.e. killing Flosso). I guess Demetri was literally sleeping with the enemy [insert rimshot here].

This Week's FlashForward Was 60 Minutes Of Pure NudityS

Was this episode particularly good? Negatory. Was it loopy fun watching characters jump to insane conclusions and having their madness validated? Indeed. Will episodes of this quality bring back ratings? Probably not.