For those of you who didn't endure last night's Reign of Fire tweetathon, here's the cream of the dreadfully boring dragony crop.
We all cued up the theatrical cut of the Christian Bale-Matthew McConaughey-Gerard Butler-dragons "classic" Reign of Fire on Netflix Instant (or on your own DVD) and Tweeted our way through it. Below, you'll find the cream of the sleepy, partially intoxicated crop. (For the entire event, bounce over here.)
Next week, follow us at @io9commentary — maybe we'll pick a better movie!
@io9commentary hey, now, Dragonslayers! Are we ready? Do you have your fire-retardant chaps on? t-minus 60 seconds and counting...
@io9commentary This, just so you know, is 1 of @io9 honcho @annaleen's favorite movies. So lemme see if I can not get myself fired tonight.
@io9commentary "Mom! I just got dragon ejaculate on my face?" "Well, at least it's dragons this time."
@graemem I swear to God, I hope that's actually a quote from the movie.
@cecilseaskull @io9commentary does it ever go well when we try to destroy things with nukes? I think ALL movies (and science) point to no
@io9commentary so, according to this flick, in 10 years, the world'll be lousy with dragons. And wool knit sweaters.
@io9commentary And all is not happy in Dragonshire. Not everyone wants to obey Christian Bale's shaggy law. I AM THE SCRUFFY LAW!
@io9commentary Butler and Bale: Glowerers Incorporated.
@io9commentary HEY. A NON-WHITE GUY! And it's Dr. Bashir!
@io9commentary Man, this movie is so serious. And dour. And kinda dreary... until right about now. I'M GIDDY WITH MCCONAUGHAY ANTICIPATION.
@io9commentary In one fell swoop, McCorduroy took his place on cinema's list of greatest scenery eaters ever.
@io9commentary Seriously, I was pulling for McCorduroy to get an Oscar nomination for this movie. He devotes himself utterly to this pap.
@oftendrawn 40 minutes in and Reign of Fire has been nonstop scowly brooding.
@io9commentary You know what this movie could use? Lasers. OR roller skates. Basically, it should be Starlight Express, Dragon-Style.
@ErnestSalazar @matthewabel Butler is the surprise awesome in this movie. Well that and McDougalfish's crazy talk.
@io9commentary we've been watching this movie for almost an hour and we've got just one dead dragon. I'm thinking about partying, too.
@io9commentary Watch as McCorduroy lets the words roll around his mouth, like chewing tabaccy. "You go ahead. Have your little...soiree."
@benwarmuth McCorduroy does more than chew the scenery in this flick. He smokes it in his cigar.
@io9commentary And now, we get a flying beastie biology lesson. Man, nothing slows down an already slow movie like lectures.
@matthewabel Cheese and RICE - When do they fight a dragon, already?
@cecilseaskull I don't understand why the dragons eat ash? How is that healthy? Why not eat the tasty humans?
@io9commentary my gods, I either need to start drinking much harder or this movie's gotta get much faster.
@io9commentary I'm pretty sure that, in some states, McCorduroy is married to that cigar.
@io9commentary COME ON. Did that massive dragon just tip-toe up to the castle before flaming on? Really? "Maybe they won't hear me...shhh."
@io9commentary Hey, Quinn. Sorry I killed all your dudes. You were totally right. I'm a bald douche. Friends till the end?
@io9commentary What does it say that the climactic battle of this film inspires nothing? I'm just sitting here, imagining RoF as a musical.
@io9commentary KILL THE DRAGON, KILL THE DRAGON, KILL THE DRAGON! WITH MY AX AND MIGHTY CROSSBOW!
@benwarmuth As the movie goes on, McCorduroy looks less like a badass dragon hunter and more like a crazy toothless homeless guy.
@io9commentary So...the extent of McCorduroy's strategy was to climb a tower and jump himself into the dragon's mouth? BRILLIANT!
@io9commentary And Batman walks off with the girl and the mad hick's axe. Ah, sweet justice
@io9commentary oh, wait...there's a shitty grunge song in the closing credits!
@io9commentary "Set this place on fire...let the flames rise higher. Let them reach the ceiling...that's your feet I'm kneeling!"