Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S

Boobs! Dragons! Dragons and boobs! Men in thongs! Women in thongs! Swords! Snakes! Barbarians! Cakes! Perms! Rassling! Thighs! Butts! It's Boris Vallejo time! You've been warned!

When I woke up this morning, I thought, "Gee, io9 hasn't had enough Boris Vallejo lately." Sure, we'll post snippets now and again, but we haven't had an onslaught of oily flesh and totally ludicrous tableaus befitting of the master. So without further ado, here's an onslaught of Boris Vallejo. Roll your d20s, put on your Molly Hatchet, and pop in your VHS copy of Q, because it's going to be a bumpy ride! Post your own Boris favorites in the comments below!

[Artwork via Boris Vallejo gallery]

Knight on Wheels (1980)
Meet the Knight on Wheels. His superpower is anachronism.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


"The Amazon's Pet" (1972)
The original draft of How To Train Your Dragon was ghostwritten by Russ Meyer.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


"Elephant" (1975)
Even when Boris goes for a majestic nature shot, he's generous enough to toss in some sideboob.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


"Davy" - 1974
"Dear Mom and Dad,
Band camp totally fucking ruled this year."

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


A Guide To Barsoom (1976)
Boris draws the best prom portraits.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Z for Zachariah (1976)
"I'm not sharing, Kim. It's the end of the world, and you spent all of grandma's birthday check on that nice blouse."

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


The Secrets of Synchronocity (1977)
This picture is so damn Freudian I don't even know where to start.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Instants (1979)
Boris Vallejo's illustrated Old Testament sold very poorly in Christian bookstores.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Black Axe (1981)
Black Axe, unlike Black Vulcan, had a very short stint with the Super Friends.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Football Hero (1982)
Why is Boris Vallejo awesome? He can make even flag football macho.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Female Wrestlers (1984)
I initially read that cake as "Happy 8th Birthday." Best. Birthday. Ever.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Angel (1984)
I'm a heterosexual male, but the first thing I noticed about this picture was, "Holy shit, that guy works out his lats."

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Dragon Prince (1981)
A peek at the erotica section of the Visitors' spaceship.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Running Partners (1986)
The sequel to Turner & Hooch didn't make a lick of sense whatsoever.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Unicorn of Central Park (1986)
It doesn't matter how nu-rave you dress, Namor. That unicorn's still going to take your wallet.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Chesking (1986)
During Christmas at the Vallejo household, Sting rides up on his unicorn steeds and deposits Christina Hendricks in your rain gutters.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Street Closed (1986)
Remember that time Terrence Trent D'Arby closed down the Moon to have sex with aliens? No, neither do I.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Power (1988)
A foursome with this bunch would smell like Jovan Musk and canola oil.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Hologram (1988)
I miss the 1980s. All the TVs came with Barbeau-Vision.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Alien Visitor (1990)
You know a xenomorph is not fucking around when he's wearing high heels.

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


Dracula (1992)
"Not now, girl. I'm having my 'Vlad' time."

Boris Vallejo Is The Most Manly Illustrator In History (NSFW)S


And of course, no Boris Vallejo retrospective would be complete without his hulked-out interpretation of Jesus Christ.