New Zealand Man Attacked By A Gang Of Vampires

On February 20, three vampire punks assaulted and drank the blood of a victim outside of Wellington, New Zealand. According to one of the kiwi bloodsuckers, "Yeah, I bit a guy. He hit on my missus."

On February 20, James Phillip Brooks (22), Xenia Gregoriana Borichevsky (19), and James Eric Orr (19) reportedly drank an unnamed victim's blood after he made the mistake of courting Ms. Borichevsky. The three are "charged with wounding with intent to render a man unconscious." According to the mohawked and heavily pieced Mr. Brooks:

"Do I look like a vampire? I'm out during the daytime [...] I may look like a punk but I'm not a punk. I'm just different [...] Yeah, I bit a guy. He hit on my missus. My girlfriend and my mate were biting him [...] If I'd hit him, I'd have really hurt him, so I thought I'll bite him seeing as they're already biting him.

Mr. Brooks further notes that guzzling the poor guy's hemoglobin "wasn't [his] agenda," but then again, when is it ever? Lord knows I've been at the greengrocer, buying some turnips, and then BAM. What do you know-sferatu? I'm making a suet-and-grenadine martini and renting The Hunger for the umpteenth time. Also, those brooding Twilight vampires can go out during the day. I'm guessing Mr. Brooks didn't want to admit he was a Twilight vampire.

Perhaps the best part of this news is the obligatory expert's report. Psychology lecturer Dr. Marc Wilson of Wellington's Victoria University had this to say about human teeth breaking skin: "You could do it but you would have to really want to." The truth is out there!

[Telegraph via Nothing To Do With Abroath via Nerdcore. Photo is of Bill Paxton in Near Dark, perhaps the greatest vampire punk in cinema history.]