You've baked your famed asiago-jalapeno fish biscuits, filled your iTunes with Drive Shaft's greatest hits, and hidden your heroin in your grandma's Virgin Mary statue. It's Lost finale party time! Post meet-ups for io9ers here! Also, the finale drinking game!
We have no idea what the final episode of Lost (which airs Sunday 5/23 from 9-11:30 PM) will bring, but we do know that folks across the globe will be bringing the good times! Whether you're hitting a finale party at a bar, watching it with a couple pals in your rumpus room, or surreptitiously watching it on Hulu Monday morning at work (because you're a Breaking Bad fan first, dammit), there's no wrong way to celebrate the season finale of Lost. Even if you hate the show (i.e. "Rassum frassum, it's just The Prisoner meets Fantasy Island.") or have never seen it before, you too can join in on the fun...at your friends' expense!
PART 1: Meet with other io9ers!
Want to recommend a sweet castaway party in your 'hood? Tell your fellow io9ers! Want to invite a bunch of your internet friends to your pad for some MacCutcheon whisky? Invite your io9ers (Caveat: rowdy behavior guaranteed)! Did you build a windowless shed in your backyard to avoid everyone incessantly yammering about candidates and frozen donkey wheels? Invite your fellow haters! That's what the comments section is for! Go to!
PART 2: Look up a party!
There will be no shortage of watch parties at bars, restaurants, and clubs come Sunday, but you'll want to act fast as a slew of them are already sold out. Let's take New York as an example. The Bell House's and The Frying Pan's parties are already sold out. There's still room at the Studio Square, 92Y Tribeca, and Professor Thom's parties, but prepare to brave the crowds. Whitney Matheson over at Pop Candy has taken it upon herself to list parties all across the US, and feel free to toss a party recommendation in the comments!
PART 3: How to get laid at a Lost party
Lost is a show about timelessly fucked-up romances. You have Jin and Sun, Penny and Desmond, and Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Juliet and Ana Lucia. And who could forget Sayid and Shannon, a romance in which the hardened Republican Guardsmen had a dalliance with the Valley girl. That's the magic of being stranded on a desert island - beggars can be choosers!
A Lost finale party is like a high-school graduation. You're gathered to say good-bye to those comely castaways who you've palled around with for six years (hey, they were held back a couple times). I mean, you can visit them again (on DVD), but it doesn't feel right. Things you thought were important then are trivial now (Walt? Who the hell is Walt?). You lose touch. It's inevitable.
Seeing as how emotions will be running high, here are some tips to tap into that television mega-event orgone:
Guys: Emulate Sawyer. Seriously. Sawyer's been in a perpetual Juliet-funk all season (barring his awesome flash-sideways cop escapades with Miles). Everyone misses brassy asshole Sawyer who doled out nicknames like candyfloss and refused to wear a shirt to make Jack look bad. Tap into that LaFleur mojo and give everyone totally ridiculous monikers, even if you've never met them before. Call your erotic prospects endearing diminutives like "julep" and "oboe." Disparage the shit out of your sexual competition with names like "ziggurat" and "flashcard." Carry around a 12" LP of Raw Power by The Stooges.
Gals: Emulate Kate...early Kate. Like Sawyer, Kate's been a mincing facsimile of herself this season. All she's done is get shot and allow Claire to beat the crap out of her. Channel season 1 Kate and bust some heads. Handcuff yourself to the object of your desire. Also, take some cues from this now-classic commercial:
PART 4: How to enjoy a Lost finale party if you've never seen Lost
The best place to start is Charlie Jane's Faker's Guide To Lost. Drolly murmur, "I bet this episode is about Mr. Eko and Walt discovering why Charlie had to baptize Aaron. Oh, and it's told from Vincent's perspective." Your friends will laugh. You are such a card.
PART 5: How to enjoy a Lost finale party if you hate Lost
Flip random switches on the basement fuse box at 11:20 PM. This is a good party trick at a normal party, but it'll go over particularly swimmingly this evening.
PART 6: The Finale Drinking Game
- Sip whenever Terry O'Quinn smirks.
- Sip whenever Michael Emerson looks at the camera.
- Sip whenever the words "candidate," "island," "plane," "Aaron," "brutha," "electromagnetism," or "constant" are said.
- Sip whenever someone dies (besides Miles).
- Sip whenever it cuts between Island reality and flash-sideways reality.
- Chug when Fogcke turns into smoke.
- Chug twice when "Tawaret" is said.
- Chug twice when Eloise appears.
- Chug twice if Boone or Shannon are mentioned.
- Chug thrice when Vincent appears.
- Chug thrice when they start playing Locke's leitmotif.
- Chug thrice if Walt appears.
- Finish drink if Miles dies (you know it's kind of inevitable, sadly).
- Finish drink if they explain why Libby was in a mental institution.
- Finish drink if Juliet is Jack's ex-wife.
- Finish drink if this was all in Walt's comic book.
- Finish drink if anyone mentions Gary Troup.
[Photo via whalesalad's Flickr]