Oh, we had us a fine time tweet-lambasting our way through the groundbreakingly rendered missed opportunity, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. In case you missed it, here's the cream of the crop.
@io9commentary okay, y'all. Paramount logo is on the screen, jug of OJ and tissues handy. Let's go into The World of Tomorrow!
@io9commentary given how this movie looked - and that worse directors continue to work - I'm surprised this is Kerry Conran's sole credit.
@io9commentary here's the problem with this movie, as I see it: is the directorial style an homage, or a cover for lack of skill?
@io9commentary like, it's slow and stately and obvious, just like those old serials. But those filmmakers hadn't seen Scorsese.
@andertoons Pepper Potts? Polly Perkins? Perky Paltrow?
@fallapart Gwyneth seems to be channeling every newswoman at a paper ever on film...
@io9commentary "A clue? Just lying on the floor? Thank goodness!
@io9commentary "The giant robots have broken through the perimeter. Given that we're shooting .38 Specials at 'em, it kinda figures."
@io9commentary yeah, don't run from the stomping robots with a sense of urgency, Polly. That'd be silly.
@io9commentary so, they trust the defense of the skies to one dude in a p51 mustang? I mean, it's a nice plane and all, but really?
@fallapart I wonder if it's the ominous skulls on the robots chests that give away that they're up to no good... like goth kids.
@io9commentary Polly Perkins would eventually hang up her trusty camera and ripped skirt to found a popular breakfast eatery.
@fallapart I wonder if Giovanni's pew-pew gun is powered with unobtanium.
@io9commentary if only they spent as much time on the script as they did on Gwyneth's lustrous hair. the dialogue is so wooden.
@io9commentary "Man, I could really use a shot and a tug right now. Fightin' robots is hard!"
@io9commentary wait, how did everyone — including a giant dead robot and a hobbly reporter — beat Sky Captain back to his office?
@io9commentary you know what this movie needs? Robot ninjas.
@fallapart They're under attack by planes with flapping wings, but he's going to take time to make sure his helmet's on properly?
@io9commentary oh, I get it. Sky Captain's plane is made of Unexplodium. That's why it can collide with water at 300 mph and not blow.
@andertoons If Japanese comics have taught me anything, tentacles = bad.
@io9commentary there is no situation not made worse by Polly Perkins' presence. and no film make better by Bai Ling's. Eesh.
@io9commentary another clue! lying on the ground! good thing Polly Perkins is around, to find all your floor-based information.
@io9commentary now, Raiders of the Lost Ark's plot is about as thin as this one, but it moves so fast, you don't notice. Bad Kerry Conran!
@io9commentary because everyone knows a dirty little old man at the top of the world who likes vienna sausages.
@io9commentary oh, hey....we're dropping Shambala science. Maybe we'll run into the Shadow. Or Stephen Strange. Or Bruce Wayne. Or logic
@andertoons I call it Sausage-La.
@io9commentary Sky Captain is, like, one-third of a good movie. The production design is stunning. the script and the acting, not so much.
@fallapart Why does everyone who says "I won't ask again" immediately ask again in movies?
@io9commentary is it wrong that I really wanted Polly to explode right there? She is maybe the most useless character I've ever seen.
@io9commentary oh, hey, so Sky Captain's plane does have a fuel gauge. did he really expect to get to Nepal and back on just one tank?
@io9commentary hmmm. I wonder if I prefer an Angelina Jolie Nick Fury over a Sam Jackson Nick Fury.
@fallapart Seems like a platform hovering on four gigantic propellers would be easier to disable.
@andertoons Her lips actually keep the whole thing afloat.
@io9commentary WHY ISN'T AN UNDERWATER-FIGHTER PLANE VS. ANGRY ROBOTS CHASE SEQUENCE MORE INTERESTING?!
@io9commentary I've never seen a mashup of so many things I like (robots, dinosaurs, eyepatches, helicarriers, Jolie) turn out so badly.
@andertoons Action! Danger! Spelunking!
@io9commentary it's a good thing that Sky Captain shut the door on the robot stampede. because the one thing that stops robots is doors.
@io9commentary okay, I've gotta say: using footage of the late Laurence Olivier as Totemkopf is brilliant.
@fallapart Oh, hurray... the movie now has no bad guy... although it was kind of a cool reveal.
@io9commentary i told you: robot ninjas!
@io9commentary "would it be weird if I stopped to have sex with that cow? it's been ages..."
@io9commentary "Well, Polly. It seems this buoy isn't the only thing here that's inflatable." "Oh, James....I mean, Joe..."
@io9commentary ooof. I remember that film being not good. but I didn't remember how much potential it squandered.