Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group

Back in the day, the Cannon Group were the high priests of lowbrow cinema. Their formula? Ninjas + Van Damme + nudity + aliens = the best movies nobody watches anymore. Here are posters advertising Cannon's lost classics. Slightly NSFW.

You can read more about the history of Cannon here. Cracked also has an entertaining history of the filmmakers.

Yes, there was actually a duo of actors known as the Barbarian Brothers. And they were hierophants of low-budget radness.

[Posters via The Wrong Side of Art]

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


Damn, that's one sweaty ninja.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


If it weren't for the title, you'd think this was Teen Wolf 3: A Werewolf Goes To Washington.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


This is a movie is about Andy Warhol stabbing you before 11:59 PM on December 31. High concept!

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


Hahaha.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


Bloodsport was like Street Fighter 2 but less realistic. If it weren't for the above tableau of JVCD doing a mid-air Kegel and Bolo Yeung choking on a Raisinet, you'd have no idea that this was a poster for Bloodsport.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


I initially thought this read "400 feet of training in the art of sudden death." And then I was disappointed.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


I like how there's barely a sword visible.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


The giant flag is necessary in any case anyone was confused about the movie's title.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


This movie is about space vampires, but you'd think it was about a horny civilization of sentient bank drive-thru canisters.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


If you thought Lifeforce was inscrutable, this poster may as well be written in Maidu. Is that lady's head a jack-o'-lantern?

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


MST3K savaged this one.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


Nothing on this poster suggests that this movie is about cyborgs. All I know is that Van Damme fights evil with a bike pump.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


Lou Ferrigno and the Barbarian Brothers. The Cannon Group was so arthouse.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


More Lifeforce. They pared down the plot but kept the nudity.

Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group


This = Thor + The Smurfs. Behold the face of Summer 2011.