Back in the day, the Cannon Group were the high priests of lowbrow cinema. Their formula? Ninjas + Van Damme + nudity + aliens = the best movies nobody watches anymore. Here are posters advertising Cannon's lost classics. Slightly NSFW.
Yes, there was actually a duo of actors known as the Barbarian Brothers. And they were hierophants of low-budget radness.
[Posters via The Wrong Side of Art]
Damn, that's one sweaty ninja.
If it weren't for the title, you'd think this was Teen Wolf 3: A Werewolf Goes To Washington.
This is a movie is about Andy Warhol stabbing you before 11:59 PM on December 31. High concept!
Bloodsport was like Street Fighter 2 but less realistic. If it weren't for the above tableau of JVCD doing a mid-air Kegel and Bolo Yeung choking on a Raisinet, you'd have no idea that this was a poster for Bloodsport.
I initially thought this read "400 feet of training in the art of sudden death." And then I was disappointed.
I like how there's barely a sword visible.
The giant flag is necessary in any case anyone was confused about the movie's title.
This movie is about space vampires, but you'd think it was about a horny civilization of sentient bank drive-thru canisters.
If you thought Lifeforce was inscrutable, this poster may as well be written in Maidu. Is that lady's head a jack-o'-lantern?
Nothing on this poster suggests that this movie is about cyborgs. All I know is that Van Damme fights evil with a bike pump.
Lou Ferrigno and the Barbarian Brothers. The Cannon Group was so arthouse.
More Lifeforce. They pared down the plot but kept the nudity.
This = Thor + The Smurfs. Behold the face of Summer 2011.