TV teaches you how to catch a prehistoric monster and survive the apocalypse!S

This week doesn't just bring new Futurama, Being Human, Warehouse 13 and True Blood episodes — we also confront prehistoric monkey-eating fish! The Road becomes a reality TV series! See the solar system's wonders anew. Tons of sneak peeks below!

Monday:

Today's pick of the day is a slam dunk. It's the first episode of Fish Warrior, on National Geographic Channel at 9 PM. Really, the title Fish Warrior ought to be all the information you need. But just in case more incentive is required, here's how the San Diego Union Tribune describes it:

This colorful new travel and adventure series gets off to a strong start with "Amazon Giant," which finds extreme angler Jakub Vagner venturing into the Ecuadorean Amazon to catch and release a giant arapaima, a skilled predator which has remained essentially unchanged since the Jurassic Period. This river monster is so powerful that it can even snatch birds and monkeys from the surface of the river.

It's a prehistoric monster that eats monkeys. Sold yet? Here's a clip:

Movies:

As you speak, AMC's been having a pretty unbeatable run of films, starting with The Game at 9 AM, Superman at noon and Superman II at 3 PM. FX has Armageddon at 8 PM. Relive the early days of J.J. Abrams and the glory days of Ben Affleck! And if you stay up late enough, the telepaths-meet-aliens movie Dreamcatcher is on HBO at 3 AM and Spaceballs is on AMC at 4 AM Tuesday morning.

Tuesday:

Today's pick of the day could quite easily be another Warehouse 13, but let's shake things up a bit and pick the season premiere of The Colony, on the Discovery Channel at 10 PM. Why? Because the second season features a group of volunteers going to live in a Louisiana location that's been designed to "replicate conditions in a post-apocalyptic world." The volunteers, living like survivors of a world-ending event, will scavenge for supplies while fighting off both wildlife and hostile outsiders. Yes, it's The Road as a reality TV series.

But then again, Warehouse 13 does sound pretty glamorous this week. A mysterious artifact is causing supermodels to age 50 years overnight, so Pete and Myka have to go undercover in the world of fashion in "Age Before Beauty." It's on Syfy at 9 PM. Here are a couple of sneak peeks:

And there's a new Unnatural History on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM. It's the network's first live-action show, about a kid who's traveled the world and learned tons of weird skills. And now he's in high school and using his outlandish skills to solve weird mysteries. Here's the latest promo:

Also, the History Channel is having a marathon of Ancient Aliens, all day from 8 AM to 10 PM. That's a lot of secret history! And Animal Planet has a two-hour rerun of Killer Aliens at 9 PM.

Movies:

The Shaggy Dog is on Disney at 8 PM. That's the Tim Allen-starring remake of The Shaggy D.A., a movie that freaked me out as a kid.

Wednesday:

Television's taking a day off today, sorry. I'm too embarrassed to try and make Chasing Mummies a pick of the day three weeks running, even though I'll go ahead and post another insane Chasing Mummies clip. I'm beginning to think this show is just this guy screaming at people for an hour each week, while the mummies just laugh from a safe distance:

There's another Mythbusters Buster's Cut on Discovery at 9 PM.

Movies:

The original Planet Of The Apes is on AMC at 9 AM. The 2002 Solaris remake is on IFC at 6 PM. There's an ultra-difficult choice between Catwoman (Oxygen) and Network (TCM) at 9 PM — Halle Berry's mad as hell, and she's not going to take it any more!

Thursday:

Tonight's pick of the day must be a new episode of The Universe, on the History Channel at 9 PM. It's called "Seven Wonders Of The Universe," and here's the cosmic blurb:

We are in the midst of the greatest era of space discovery. 21st century spacecraft and sophisticated imaging technology are venturing into un-chartered territory every day—and much of the extraordinary phenomenon is happing right in our own cosmic backyard. Take an exhilarating, unprecedented exploration of the seven most amazing wonders of our solar system. Our virtual tour begins with a trip to Enceladus, one of Saturn's outer moons, where icy geysers spout from its surface. Then venture to Saturn's famous rings, which contain mountain ranges that rival the Alps. Next dive into the eye of the biggest storm in the solar system—Jupiter's Great Red Spot. Soar through the Asteroid Belt, containing millions of leftover rocks from the formation of the solar system. Trek up Mount Olympus, the largest volcano, located on Mars. Have a close encounter with the searing surface of the sun, and finish the journey by exploring our home planet Earth.

But yes, there's also a new Futurama, on Comedy Central at 10 PM. It's "The Late Philip J. Fry," in which the Professor invents a one-way time machine. It sounds absolutely marvelous. Storyboards and other stuff are here, and of course we posted a promotional image above. Apparently this episode is their "Emmy shot," so it ought to be something special!

Movies:

Mad Max is on IFC at 8 PM, opposite Independence Day on E!.

Friday:

The pick of the day can be none other than Eureka, which features an episode directed by star Colin Ferguson. Not only does Jamie Kennedy guest star, but Jack Carter's daughter is back! Jack leaves Eureka to visit his daughter at Harvard, but meanwhile the town celebrates Space Week and a self-propagating oxygen technology developed by Kennedy's character to colonize Mars threatens to incinerate the entire town. It's "The Story Of O2," and we're wondering if the title means Fargo will get tied up or something. Either way, it's on Syfy at 9 PM.

Also on Syfy, at 10 PM, is a new Haven. Audrey investigates something weird about a local restaurant. And no doubt finds a supernatural mystery — just guessing here.

We Television is having a Charmed marathon from 5 PM to 1 AM, right on the heels of a Bridezillas marathon. Which says something about Charmed, maybe.

Movies:

AMC has a double bill of The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) and The Shining, starting at 9 AM. AMC also has The Ninth Gate at midnight, and Voodoo Woman at 4:30 Saturday morning. TNT has Doom at 2 AM. Syfy has the hard-to-resist Transmorphers: Fall Of Man, an Asylum knock-off of Transformers 2, at 3 AM.

Saturday:

Not surprisingly, the pick of the day is another new Being Human, on BBC America at 9 PM. Mitchell realizes the vampire who helped him go clean is starting to kill humans again, and he has to take some unsavory steps to cover this up. Meanwhile, Annie realizes that evil spirits are trying to force her to cross over.

Movies:

But there's another strong contender for pick of the day in the sheer number of great movies on the tube today. ABC Family, of all channels, is showing a genre marathon: Beetlejuice at 8 AM, Edward Scissorhands at 10 AM, and the whole Back To The Future trilogy from 12:30 PM to 8 PM. Speaking of trilogies, TNT has the Matrix trilogy from 5 to 11 PM. And Syfy is showing a lot of great B-movies all day, too.

Sunday:

The pick of the day is probably once again True Blood, with "Hit The Floor," on HBO at 9 PM. Here's a preview:

There's also an unusually off-kilter episode of The Boondocks, with "Fried Chicken Flu." Ever since this show brought Martin Luther King, Jr. back to life in an alternate universe, it's shown the capability to explore improbable realities, and this episode seems especially odd and alternate-worldly: It's a world in which fried chicken becomes illegal, and people go on riots. That's part of Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network, at 11:30 PM.

Also Sunday night, there's a new The Gates. Here's the blurb:

When a neighbor is murdered inside The Gates at the hand of a vampire, Nick enlists Dylan's help to find the killer. Sarah organizes a school fundraiser at Devon's Spa, but finds it difficult to bring bickering factions together. Claire attempts to end her "arrangement" with Christian, only to find him more entrenched in her life than ever. Frustrated by the side effects, Andie stops taking her medicine and tries to control her symptoms, resulting in dire consequences for those around her.

I think it's worth watching just for the scene where Nick Googles "How to kill a vampire":

Movies:

Syfy is eschewing the B-movies and Syfy Original Movies, in favor of a slate that includes Sunshine, Serenity, Predator 2 and The Fifth Element — I'd watch all of those on a lazy Sunday afternoon/evening. Also, Teen Wolf is on G4 at 7 PM. Star Trek: Nemesis is on BBC America at 8 PM. I, Robot is on FX at 9 PM. And G4 is showing the original Predator at 11 PM.