The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

It's hard to believe that a movie with Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, and Ralph Fiennes could be this bad — but 1998's The Avengers crushed hopes at every turn. If you missed our tweetathon, here are the highlights.

@io9commentary okay, you beautiful sonsabitches, we ready to dig into the Uma-Ralph-Sean version of Avengers? Let's go.

@io9commentary this is, just maybe, the best cast to ever be in a shitty movie. Broadbent, Fiona Shaw, Izzard, Connery, Fiennes & Thurman.

@Tannerman Somewhere Patrick Macnee and Diana Rigg are laughing... and crying

@crosis101 and to think a year or so earlier Mimi Rogers was put in the black leather catsuit as an homage

@deth_lepus Steed and Peel have all the sexual tension of John Madden and Brett Favre...

@io9commentary yeah, no one notices the secret entry to the secret spy HQ in the middle of the road that goes under the Thames.

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@io9commentary wow. I mean, I've seen lack of chemistry in leads, but it's as if the words in the script just out-and-out hate each other.

@crosis101 Awww Tea in the car... means they are more well bred than you Colonials.

@io9commentary IZZARD!

@io9commentary even the single entendres are just sitting there, waiting to be Rodgered.

@thecjharries Story so far: terrible weather puns, incredibly wooden dialogue, and fake accents. Plus tea.

@io9commentary so much beauty on the screen, all put to such little purpose. This is like a really sumptuous British rap video.

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@io9commentary "One should never fear being wet." Damn, Sir August, you're like a walking, talking knickers-remover.

@cecilseaskull that's right, Sean. one should never fear being wet. Except around you, right now. (gross)

@io9commentary WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT PLANTS!? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT?

@io9commentary What the hell is Voldemort doing in the TARDIS?

@deth_lepus you can tell how good a movie is by the quality of Connery's hair piece...

@io9commentary I'm not entirely sure how you can make a boring film that features Uma Thurman in a slinky catsuit. It's a conundrum.

@io9commentary so this is a world where customized weather is a commodity, and we're trying to figure out who's mucking with the weather?

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@cecilseaskull what is happening! help me! this movie has plushies, too?

@io9commentary I have nothing to say about the giant bears. nothing at all. anything would pale in comparison to the sight. of Bear Bond.

@io9commentary sorry...how did this scene make it past a studio head? SERIOUSLY, THERE'S A CONFERENCE ROOM FULL OF FURRIES. AND AN OSCAR WINNER IS ONE OF THEM.

@noralambert These costumes have to be the most baffling decision in cinema history.

@vandeand I needed to be more high to watch this snuff scene with technicolor bears.

@io9commentary they must've been shipping in the cocaine and LSD by the friggin' metric shit-ton.

@cecilseaskull I don't think I will ever understand these bears. Also, if you are going to go with bears, why so ugly?

@io9commentary One supposes that the anonymity one seeks by wearing a bear costume would vanish once one bought a goddamn bear costume.

@io9commentary Eddie Izzard, god bless him, has a giant head. And looks really odd out of a dress.

@noralambert Well, to the film's credit, they did let Eddie wear his eyeliner.

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@io9commentary Steed's eternal masturbatory dilemma: Do I fancy the Peel in a pink dress or the Peel in a bear costume?

@io9commentary do we know, exactly, what Bear Connery's Big Evil Scheme is? Other than to make weather do shit?

@k_trendacosta Yes. Step 1: Make weather do shit. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit

@crosis101 Step 1: Fuck with Weather...Step 2: Sell Umbrellas...Step 3:????? Step 4: Profit!!

@io9commentary This movie has all the wit, panache, and costumes of high-class europorn, with none of the plot development.

@io9commentary are The Bride and Voldemort looking for proof? Because it's ABUNDANTLY clear who the bad guy is? They even call him by name.

@io9commentary It looks like Bear Connery has taken Mrs. Peel to his Psychadelic Rape Van.

@io9commentary so, THAT's Bear Connery's plan: Step 1: make Weather do shit. Step 2: Mince about. Step 3: Rape Mrs. Peel Step 4: Win?

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@cecilseaskull in many of these movies, the villain has a poncy bedroom. boys, do not have a poncy bedroom. it equals really bad guy.

@noralambert There's so much tea drinking going on in this movie that it's borderline racist.

@io9commentary One would think that Connery would know to steer clear of movies with invisible men in them. Twice bitten and all that.

@io9commentary Kind of ingenious, really. Just have a voice from off-screen fill in all the plot holes that the test audiences spotted.

@hypnotoad1971 hmmm. my power went out and came right back on. i'm taking that as a sign to give up on watching The Avengers

@deth_lepus somehow I thought Uma on Uma action would be hotter...

The best of last night's Avengers Commentary Twack

@io9commentary Good thing Steed has that locator watch. Otherwise, he wouldn't know to look for the hot-air balloon in the sky that Mother told him about.

@thecjharries I think Steed is the best spy ever. He has yet to do ANY work whatsoever. He just makes women do things.

@io9commentary THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY KISSING IN THIS MOVIE.

@vandeand That was possibly the least sexy kiss since Maid in Manhattan.

@cecilseaskull you are correct sir. I had to close my eyes like an 8 year old.

@io9commentary these walking hamster balls are the best Her Majesty's Secret Service could come up with? No wonder they lost an empire.

@thecjharries Izzard's only line in this movie was probably the best written and performed so far.

@noralambert And with "oh fuck" Eddie Izzard won a place in my heart forever. Best bit of the whole goddamn thing.

@noralambert Admittedly I was 14 at the time and saying "oh fuck" was the sort of thing that impressed me.

@deth_lepus nothing like great British Scifi... sadly this is nothing like it...

@crosis101 and the moral of the story? Girls in Leather are easy

@io9commentary what a twee little movie. a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Plus, a waste of Uma and Connery.

@ io9commentary I could, however, watch Uma walk away for 89 minutes and be okay with that.

@deth_lepus I went an hour and a half without porn for this??

@Tannerman I need to watch vintage '65 eps of "The Avengers" to get that bad-remake film taste out of my mouth! http://theavengers.tv/

@deth_lepus don't blame me... I voted for Ghostbusters 2...